(Closed) Happily married, but struggling with being happy about our big day.

posted 5 years ago in Recaps
Post # 3
4688 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

@ta090607:  I felt a little let down over our wedding, and nothing technically went wrong! I think we just have soooo many complex emotions about our wedding day, and we tend to get way over sensitive about everything. I think you’re loking into things too much. People leave weddings early all the time, don’t take it personally.

And in terms of the wedding gifts, some people are just cheap or poor. Don’t let your feelings get hurt over them giving you a small gift.

Try to focus on the good things that happened and that you’re married. I felt better with every passing day as I put things in perspective.

Post # 4
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I hate to ask but was it a dry wedding? Perhaps that is the reason people left early?


Post # 5
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@FauxBoho:  ah-ha! Excellent perception fouxboho!

Post # 6
4688 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Oh yeah. Peeps peace out early if it’s dry.

Post # 7
8 posts

I’m not sure if you have some pictures of your wedding (even if they’re non professional), but maybe you can put together a collage of all the things that went right with your wedding.  It would keep your focus on the good rather than the bad.

Also, I wouldn’t be too concerned with the people who ducked out early.  That seems to happen a lot, regardless of how fantastic the wedding is.  It reminds me of when my friend turned 30 and she expected 20+ friends to show up; in the end, we were 5.  All she said all night was how disappointed she was that her 15 other friends didn’t come.  Obviously it made the ones who did come (i.e. me) feel like we weren’t as important as these other people who didn’t value their friendship with her enough to even come to her party.  Don’t give these people a second thought.  They don’t deserve it.


Post # 8
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Hey, I am truly sorry your wedding wasn’t what you’d hoped it would be. We feel hurt when we pour our hearts into something and people aren’t bowled over. But to guests – almost all guests – a wedding is just another event. I like weddingbee and wedding sites but they put lot of pressure on women. We build up these immense expectations and are hell bent on making the day perfect. We get caught up and aren’t able to roll with the quirks of that particular day. There has never been a “perfect day.” People are late, it rains. As for specifics:

a) try and forget “day-of” issues. Hopefully people being late didn’t affect the ceremony starting on time – and even if it did, doesn’t sound like people noticed. Forget about the DJ and pastor being late or rushed dressing time (you didn’t forget your veil or jewelry, right? A lot of brides have done that!)

b) Yeees, we’ve heard it before, but rain on your wedding day is good luck.

c) Re-examine some of your friendships. Not out of spitefulness, but more “is this person I call a best friend really a best friend?” It is odd that so many people who are close to you bailed. Is there some sort of backstory to this?

d) Like a PP said, no matter how lovely, if it is a dry wedding, people don’t stay. That’s not about you! It’s just, you can only eat dinner for so long and people often feel uncomfortable dancing sober.

d) As for the cheapy gift – again, sorry. I know we should be greatful for any gift (and we really should) but it sounds like you are more hurt that people didn’t treat your day as special, that they didn’t appreciate how important it was to you. 

… I remember being on a trip to Washington D.C. in the 5th grade and we were in the Lincoln memorial. There was a massive wall lined with hundreds of hand-chiseled engraved words. Somebody (a guide?) told us that there was a spelling mistake. Everyone was looking for it. My teacher then turned to us and said – “Everyone is looking for the mistake and no one is appreciating all of the other perfect words.” I’m paraphrasing but the sentiment always stuck with me.


Post # 10
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ta090607:  Your backdrop for your ceremony is AMAZING! And your bouquet totally matches it! You looked gorgeous!

I have 3 months left til our wedding and I am def having fears about people leaving early etc.

Post # 11
1772 posts
Buzzing bee

Is the family farm a bit of a drive from the hotel and/or other’s homes?  If I’m unfamiliar with roads, I may not drink much and leave early rather than drive in the dark. 

It sounds like a lovely event.  And best of all – you’re married!

Post # 12
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You can only be as upset and miserable as your allow yourself to be.  It’s not the fault of the people who left early that you’re upset…it’s your fault for being upset.  You can only control your feelings, not the actions of others.  Go ahead and be upset for a while but then let it go.  In the grand scheme of things it means very little.  It was one day in your life and you can’t gauge your happiness on a single day.

Post # 14
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@ta090607:  I’m so glad you are seeing things in perspective and feeling a little better about your wedding day.

Now, I’ll commiserate with you a bit.  I married the most amazing man on May 31st.  We also got married on his family farm, had a tent, and an outdoor ceremony.  It rained before and then awhile in to the reception.  My Maid/Matron of Honor was telling my husband what to do and pissing him off, and really ticking my Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law off.  To the point where Father-In-Law nearly told her to get off his property.

My photographer was a former boss who offered to do it for free!  That was a huge blessing, but he was busy flirting with my hair/makeup girl while she was making me look presentable and didn’t get a single picture of my hubby getting ready.  And he says that he couldn’t get his wedding earrings in (white gold hoops to match our rings) and his neice had to help him.  That would have been so precious to see.  But I do have well over 100 pictures of me getting ready- great.

The ceremony was even better than I had hoped- my brother remixed and sang/recorded on his pro equipment- At Last, by Etta James and did a mash-up with the Wedding March.  It was fabulous.  Then he officiated and did such a nice job.  That was the perfect part.

The guests were standing, but there were chairs for a couple of handicapped people and our mothers.  His mother stood, cane in hand, for the entire 10-12 minutes.  And the others stood back further than I wanted them to.  I intended for them to be kindof surrounding us.  Whatever.

Right after the ceremony, we lined up with Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man to have a sort of receiving line as folks filed in to the tent.  But only a couple of people walked that direction.  The rest of them went over to the food table and started helping themselves!  The reception was not supposed to start until an hour after the start of the ceremony!  But my mother advised the caterer that he should start grilling the burgers and things BEFORE the ceremony, so they were ready and people just went over and started eating!

I had to round up family members and even the bridal party to take pictures.  I am not trying to complain about my free photographer friend, but there are only 2 sorta distant pix of our first kiss.  No good, close pix of Hubby’s face as he sees me for the first time.  No sweet, intimate moment pix of us.  We do have pix with each of our families, but none with both of us with his family. 

Then, things were going so fast and I was trying to get what pictures we did get taken while people were helping themselves to dinner, that I didn’t get to speak to my favorite aunt/uncle who drove 4 hours each way to be there. 

Mother-In-Law went in to the house after getting her plate and several of the rest of his family went in, too!  Apparently, there was some big confrontation between his sister and brother regarding his neice and brother’s snippy wife, then follow up re-telling of the conversation all evening amongst them all.  Thanks for the support.

When it started pouring, folks started clearing out.  By that time, it was actually fine with me.  But then, when I got changed and we were thinking about leaving, we realized that nobody had done ANY cleanup.  I didn’t blame my family, since they had worked hard on setup.  But the caterer, a friend of my new Brother-In-Law, left everything and said Brother-In-Law could just return the platters and things to him at work the next week.  So my mom and sister/BIL and brother/boyfriend and Hubby and I carried everything in from the tent in the pouring rain.  Fun.

At least our honeymoon weekend was very nice!

I am sad about the pictures we didn’t get.  But everything else is water under the bridge.  We’ll have time to take pictures together for the rest of our lives together, right?

Oh, yeah, I’m learning to be a stepmom and living upstairs in the old family farmhouse with my inlaws, too!  At least my dear, sweet husband is right beside me. πŸ™‚

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