Post # 1
I know I’m being dramatic. I know this is wrong. I know I’m selfish. But I know I’m on the verge of a breakdown. Which maybe just began actually…
we’ve been “official” for 4 years this January. I Thoth it last Christmas. I thought it my last birthday, valentines, you know it I thought it was coming.
November 2014. He’s constantly visiting his jeweler and showing me photos of rings. Thanksgiving passes… No ring. Right before christmas we were out wih friends and I saw him show his guy friend the ring that I told him I loved. His friend was shocked and congratulated him… I disappeared to freak of joy in the bathroom. But then: Christmas, New Years… No ring. Now it’s 2015 and our 4 yeat anniversary. No ring. My birthday? No ring.
today’s valentines day. This IDIOT didn’t even make dinner reservations and asked me if I’ll make him spaghetti. Mind you last week he got me all excited over where we would be goinG to eat.
I just lost it on him a little while ago and I’ve been in my bed in the dark crying for a good hour. I forgot about these boards but thanks to google I’m back.
i love him so much gals. I want to be together and happily ever after. Why am I being a psycho for this ring? Why can’t I be happy for the love we share? What do I do? How do I make it right between us when I just pretty much sent him to hell? Ugh. What a horrible valentines day.
sorry for typos I’m not in the mood.
Post # 2
I remember when my Fi was taking his time asking me when I knew he had the ring! I was not proud of how I felt I felt like a stroppy bitch. Like I had lost sight of why I loved him and truth be told it is very hard to snap out of that as waiting is a difficult time. You don’t know what your relationship means any more at times and there is a lot of questioning and anxiety. That being said it really isn’t fair that on valentines after he told you he would make plans he hasn’t and you have to make him dinner. Not nice at all. If I were you I would go down and ask to speak to him no distractions. I would tell him how you feel and that yiu feel like you are ready to commit to him but you feel as though he doesn’t want to anymore and he has shown this by lack of effort in arranging plans for tonight. Let him know you feel taken advantage of when yiu just want to be happy together. I feel for you. Emotions run higher on special occasions and disappointment can feel ten times worse. I would speak to him and let him reassure you and maybe you will feel better after. Good luck x
Post # 3
Hang in there. This is mine and my SO’s SIXTH Valentine’s together and I don’t see it happening. At least your SO was showing you rings so you know it’s coming! It’s only been three months. I understand getting antzy but it’s not anything to get crazy over. He may even be trying to do it when you’re NOT expecting it (i.e. post holidays, anniversary, etc.) I’d be pissed too if I was under the impression we were going out to dinner then he turns around and asks me to make food. But if he didn’t explicitly say it, you have to know your guy. My guy is the kind of guy who asks what I want to do, we talk about it, and we usually do it or come to agree on something. But usually I am the active planner. I made the reservations for today, but he’ll pay for it. Why don’t y’all make food together and if you don’t want to stay in take it to a park or something and have kind of a “picnic”? Try to salvage the day. It’s still far from over.
Post # 4
I’m just so scared to even speak about it because I said so many horrendous things. I’m so upset with myself. I made it SUCH a bigger deal than it was, because of my underlying anxiety. I am so angry still but I’m also aware I’m being a Queen Bitch instead of Queen Bee Lol
Post # 5
I’m still rambling.
Its so hard lately.. I always want to scream why the hell aren’t we engaged? I don’t want to be who I am becoming because I genuinely feel the love between us but it’s so hard to be focused on that when this is looming in the back of my mind. I know I should address it but with all the rage inside me I would scare him the hell away. Ugh.
Post # 6
I know its hard to wait, but try to remember that if you’re going to be with this person for the rest of your life anyways, years spent dating, engaged, or married still all equal the same thing — being with the person you love. *hugs*
Post # 7
Bee, I think you need to apologize if you said horrible things. Just tell him you’re sorry and he didn’t deserve that and that you are so upset because you can’t wait to be engaged and you are feeling super anxious about it.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH
Honey, I think we’ve all been there, and even if we haven’t, I can sympathize with you. (((hugs)))
As most bees would say, just enjoy your relationship for what it is now. I’m a waiting bee like yourself. My SO promised to propose this month, but now he told me he’s postpoing it until the weather is nice, and because I know too much information, he wants it to be a complete and utter surprise. Just be patient, I know that’s hard to do but it’s well worth it. You never hear “I wish I would’ve got engaged sooner” When it happens, it will be the perfect moment and you will realize it was worth the wait. Go be with your sweetie right now, and give that man some kisses! Enagement is a benefactor of your relationship.
Post # 9
Don’t beat yourself up over this. It IS a big deal and your feelings are completely valid. I would feel just as you do if I felt my boyfriend were sitting on a ring for no reason, stringing it out, and, on top of everything else, flaked on our valentine’s plans and asked me to make him spaghetti.
So yeah, if you said horrible things you should apologize, but remember that your feelings are valid and you boyfriend is not innocent in all this.
I think you should have a calm, open discussion with him about how you’re feeling. It’s perfectly normal to want and expect to be engaged after 4 years, especially when you’ve discussed it so much. That shows self-respect. And it’s perfectly valid to be upset when he says he’s making dinner reservations and then doesn’t, and asks you to cook instead!
Good luck and hope your day gets better. i can’t say it enough: remember that your feelings are legit, and you have power in this relationship, too!
Post # 10
i haven’t pried myself out of pity/loathing of myself yet. I do know he deserves aN apology for what I said. But I also smell dinner cooking so hopefully he knows I deserve one too.
i can be upset but I’ve also gotta address this. Wish me luck!
Post # 11
the whole “waiting” concept is a bizarre one, as it seems to give one control over a relationship, which is counter to the whole concept of being a partnership. it’s ok to be upset, but not mean. xo.
Post # 12
How are you? Feeling better? I hope you enjoyed the rest of the night. Hugs!
Post # 13
Try to turn that frustration that you have into excitement! He HAS the ring, he is TELLING people about it.. it will come! Trust me I know the feeling. Before we got engaged we had been together 8, almost 9 years! He got the ring months before he proposed and I knew the planning was in the works for him,and I also knew he filled my best friend in on details and I would get so emotional wondering when/if it was ever going to happen. When I finally let myself stop thinking about it and be excited that it was finally in the works I wasamuchhappier person
Post # 14
I don’t know what you said to him. If it was harsh, you should apologize. But honestly, he should apologize to you too! Forget about proposing, but telling you that he’s made plans and then expecting you to make dinner, on Valentine’s Day? Hopefully you received an apology too, because you had every right to call him out on that.
I agree with SpiderMum on the whole, though. It makes the person who’s waiting feeling like there’s a carrot dangling above her head. I think anyone put in that position would feel antsy, angry, and frustrated, so don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way at all!
Post # 15
at one point, I was in “waiting” and dear god I regret being so pushy. It was in my head so much that every special occasion I would be asking if he is gonna do it. When he did, I was very happy, but in the back of my mind for a long time was- did he do it just because I Pushed him? We’d been together 6 years. I don’t want you to feel like that. This year has been full of stress and tears planning a wedding that we already can’t wait to be over. I wish I just enjoyed our relationship in the moment and forgot about the plan in my head… “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.” He is obviously commited to the relationship he’s been there for four years, maybe it’s time to stop “waiting” and go back to enjoying your relationship. I’m not sure of your age but science says you can still have babies in your 40’s so what’s the rush? there is a chance he could be hesitating because he is asking someone to spend the reSt of his life with him- scary! – and what if in all your waiting he’s seeing parts of you that are slightly frightening?
Please, heed my warning. Same goes to other ladies “waiting”- enjoy your relationship And stop obsessing!