Post # 1
I recently got engagement and my department congratulated my engagement at the holiday party. They also gave me a expensive bottle of wine as a gift. Some female coworkers were enthusiastic about wedding topics and asked many details about my wedding planning. Some jokingly said can’t wait for it…but the thing is, I’m on a constraint budget and cannot invite them…because it was kinda if you invite one you better invite all of them situation.
Therefore, i was thinking about organizing a informal happy hour and just treat every coworker a drink, and at the same time tell them the wedding will be family and close friends only so unfortunately I cannot invite them. Is it appropriate? Or I should avoid the happy hour and totally be low key about it?
Thank you so much for your opinions!!
Post # 2
akatian : There is no need to entertain co-workers to tell them they will not be invited to the wedding. It is standard practice to only invite those co-workers with whom you have a social relationship outside work.
Make sure you are not talking wedding too much at work. If anyone makes a remark about attending, address the subject right away. Don’t let them go along thinking they will be invited. “Unfortunately, we won’t be able to include everyone with whom we would like to celebrate our wedding. I am sure you understand.”
Post # 3
I think a happy hour is a sweet idea and more communication with them would take the stress off and make you feel a lot better while maintaining those relationships. I wouldn’t throw a happy hour specifically just for telling them that though, but finding a good time to explain to them that you have to keep it on a small budget and are bummed you can’t invite them can never hurt.
Congrats on your engagement, and try not to overthink it whichever route you choose!
Post # 4
akatian : I wouldn’t go to any wedding related event if I wasn’t invited to the wedding. It’s awkward, misleading and rude.
coworkers should understand your situation and they’re probably just happy pitching in for a small gift without anything in return. Write an office thank you card and bring in some cupcakes in your wedding cake flavor.
The happy hour idea makes me cringe.
Post # 5
Just be low-key. It’s sort of rude to discuss wedding stuff in front of people who aren’t invited and work is work, not wedding planning time. I don’t think throwing an event to tell people they aren’t invited is necessary or even appropriate. In fact it’s kind of rude to point out to people you aren’t inviting them to your party – would you do that for any other occasion/party?
You don’t even know if they were excited because they assumed they were invited (unless you routinely hang out and maintain friendships with them outside of work hours, they probably don’t have that expectation) and maybe they just dig wedding details and party planning talk and it’s cool to have someone in the office with exciting stuff to talk about instead of the latest memo that came out. It’s normal to talk about the exciting events in people’s lives – weddings, babies, vacations, accomplishments etc.
If they ask about the wedding, use that opportunity to mention it is going to be a small budget affair with close family. Otherwise be low-key on the wedding talk at work.
Post # 6
You shouldn’t invite people to wedding-related or wedding-centric events if you’re not going to invite them to the actual wedding. This would be even worse, because the point of the gathering would be to tell them they’re not invited to the actual wedding. Don’t do it. Invite the ones that are your actual friends, don’t invite the rest, and exercise some discretion when choosing who to share details with.
Post # 7
No, you should not waste money or time on a happy hour just to tell a bunch of women they aren’t invited to your wedding.
Don’t talk about wedding planning at work. If it comes up because someone asks you, tell them the truth.
Post # 8
To save money. I’m inviting co workers to the evening reception only. Which will cause a massive drama on here but in the U.K. it’s perfectly normal.
Post # 9
akatian : I am going to be honest, if a co-worker hosted an event just to tell me (& others) that I wasn’t invited to another bigger event I would find it weird, awkward and rude.
Post # 10
People on the bee get super weird about things like this, I think in normal life most people won’t have a problem with it.
I don’t think there is anything rude about going for a drink with your coworkers to celebrate that you’re getting married!
Is totally normal in my circles. If someone refuses to go because they aren’t invited to the wedding then they aren’t really your friend!
Post # 11
Thanks for all the replies!! I think I didn’t explain clearly – my intention was to ‘let down’ the coworkers first and then offer the happy hour, telling them that unfortunately I cannot invite you but you are more than welcome to join me for a happy hour and grab a drink – it’s on me!
would this be appropriate?
also I like the cupcake idea! Thanks so much!
Post # 12
- Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek
I was ok with it until you explained it. So your basically offering a happy hour as consolation for lack of a wedding invite? Nope. Personally, I don’t think you need to make this a thing but I can understand wanting to explain the circumstances. If you happen to be out at happy hour and the topic comes up then great. But telling people hey you’re not invited to my wedding BUT I’d like to take you out for happy hour instead is just….no.
Post # 13
I think it is super weird to invite your coworkers to a consolation event. They may even feel they are expected to bring a gift.
Post # 14
Hey OP, I know your heart is in the right place but I don’t think hosting a happy hour to let down your coworkers is a good idea. It’s nice they were excited for you about getting engaged, but you do not have to invite any of them to your wedding if you do not want to/were not already planning to. At my job, it is common for us to throw a little in-office engagement party with wine and cake, as well as an in-office bridal shower closer to the wedding date, with wine, cake and a gift. None of this comes with the expectation of a wedding invite.
Post # 15
That’s still a no from me, dawg.