Post # 16
akatian : The good news is that this is not necessary at all. When people say “oh I can’t wait!” they are just trying to show excitement and support. Nobody truly expects to be invited to a casual co-worker’s wedding. And if they do, they are the ones in the wrong, not you. Not only is a consolation happy hour unneccessary, it is likely to be seen as a gift-grab. Your second thought is the best answer here: “Or I should avoid the happy hour and totally be low key about it?” Don’t bring up wedding stuff at work, and if others ask about it, give vague answers and mention that it’s going to be very small. If someone is ballsy enough to actually ask if they are invited, just repeat: “No, it’s going to be very small.” You can add “I wish I could” if it makes you feel better.
Post # 17
Yeah don’t do this. To be honest you don’t need to tell them in advance they aren’t invited. Just don’t talk about the wedding at work (seriously!) and don’t invite them when the time comes. If they ask, I think you can be honest and say you had to keep it within budget. Reasonable people will understand.
Post # 18
My fiance is in your shoes. His co-workers are buying us a gift for our wedding. They also offered help with planning. We will have two weddings: an intimate one in our apartment and another one in Mexico. We can invite them to the one in Mexico but not to the intimate wedding in January. He was also thinking of taking his coworkers out ito a restaurnat n January because he thinks that no one will come to the weddingin Mexico although they said they were very excited about it. After reasing your explantion I can see ehy he dropped the idea of taking them out.
Post # 19
If the wedding is far out in the future, just stop talking about it at work.
Post # 20
In my country a consolation / separate celebration would be very much okay (not the US obviously ). But if it feels out of place for so many and you are in the US, the cupcake idea is awesome. And it is okay to say, you know, our wedding will be small but we can still do something in our workplace because this is our common space…. and people wouldn’t feel unincluded 🙂 at least that’s how I see my coworkers. Definitely a work environment question as well.