(Closed) happy to marry at a young age! not missing out!

posted 9 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 77
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

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@KT808: Yup.  All 4 sets of our grandparents married at 18, and went on to have 50+ years of marriage.  My parents married at 22, DH’s married at 29.  Both of them have strong marriages still too.  So… yeah.

I also don’t buy the “well you may grow apart if you get married so young” argument.  Do you not grow and change in your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s and beyond?  Sure, the changes aren’t maybe as drastic, but you do still learn, grow, and experience life.  People can grow apart whether they marry at 18 or 58.  I have a great-aunt who married for the first time at age 62 and is happily married.  I have had a close family friend marry at age 35 and is now miserable.

Age alone doesn’t determine the strength of your marriage, sorry.  I’ve seen too many examples in my own life of both ends of the spectrum to believe otherwise.

Post # 78
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I married my husband in Oct 2010 (one year down! :)) at 21/22. We’d been together for 4.5 years when we got married, survived long distance for college, and through it all we knew we wanted to be together for a variety of reasons but many of them relate to the fact that we are both driven, we love to travel, we are supportive and encouraging to each other through all facets of life, and just couldn’t picture our lives without each other. So no, I don’t think we’re missing out. Rather, I am thankful to have someone to support me and experience all the trips, adventures, and mundane everyday life with me. As we began our post-undergrad years together we commiserated about entry-level jobs; now as he moves up some and I apply to graduate school, we are only excited to face the new challenges together. As a PP said, our lives don’t stop when we get married!

I do sometimes think that people say that because they equate marriage with quickly upcoming babies, and while it definitely does not end your life either, it changes more drastically. Just being married to my DH hasn’t caused any sacrifice at all.

Post # 79
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

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@Mrs Grape: I like, almost died laughing and scared Fiance & the doggies at your comparison. So true. So very, very true.

Post # 80
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2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@Mrs Grape:

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@KatyElle:

Completely agree.

I just don’t understand the “growth” argument, especially from people in their late 20s or early 30s. Sure, everyone grows and changes in their teens and 20s. But won’t everyone keep growing throughout their 30s and beyond? Sure, I’ve grown more mature, some of my goals are different, but in personality and in what I want from life, I haven’t changed a bit for as long as I can remember. And I think growth happens forever, since we’ll keep gaining new knowledge and experience. There are plenty of couples that get married much later that separate and divorce too because they grew apart. I’m glad I’ll get to grow with someone and when we’re old we can look back and remember it together. Sure, not everyone is ready or wants marriage this early, but I don’t think it’s fair to say that we could “grow apart” when we can grow together too.

Post # 82
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Fiance and I met when we were 14 & 15, the day of our wedding we’ll be 23 & 25.

I hate when people say we should ‘live’ cause of course we’ll be putting a gun in our mouths right after the reception. We’ll be the only married ones in our social circle cause we’re the only ones ready but most of our friends are awesomely supportive, they just moan at how we’re getting old now (really).

To each their own, my grandpa’s older sister got married for the first time at 68 and her life was awesome every day before her wedding day and awesome every day after it, she was just happy in a different way.

Post # 83
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Omg I feel horrible for finding that hilarious! I wish I could say that to so many nay sayers. 

ETA: Added this from my phone but I was talking about Mrs Grape’s comment.

Post # 84
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

For what it’s worth, here is what I think the people who say you are too young are actually saying:

“When I was your age, I was very different than I am today. I was not ready to get married. I did not know what I wanted in a partner and I did not know what I wanted out of life.”

All of the above statements apply to me. That is the main reason that I have a gut reaction of “too young!” when I hear of somebody getting married in her very early twenties. The lesser reason is the troubling statistic breaking down divorce rates by age. However, if we let divorce statistics keep us from getting married, then none of us would be doing it (~50%)!

I am very happy for you that you have everything figured out sooner than I did. I hope my above explanation of thought processes makes the “you’re too young!” comments a bit easier to bear. It will hopefully help to know that they are less about you than about the person saying them.

P.S. Please do try to give those of us who didn’t know what they wanted early on a bit of a break while they’re dating and collecting information.

Post # 85
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Fiance and I have dated since high school and for a brief moment broke up for a few months to see if we were missing out on life, and ultimately decided we were not. I could not be happier getting married at 22 and don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.

Post # 86
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Good for you, I personally don’t think age matters that much. It does to a point, but what really matters is how you feel about yourself and in your marriage. My sister got married at 21 and got divorced 2 years later, and was remarried at 29, but her relationship still isn’t perfect.  It’s all about yours and his maturity and how you work together as a couple. My SO (soon to be FI) met in Italy when I was 19 and he was 22, and we plan to marry in 2013 when I’ll be 23 and he will be 26.  I also will be graduated with my master’s in Physician Assistant at 23 (I did an accelerated program where  I did my undergrad in 3 years).  Is 23 really young, and by what means does it make it “young”?  If I found the one I want to be with, why do I have to “see what else is out there” by giving my heart away to more people, making me less of a whole to give to my husband? 

Nonetheless, I think it depends on the person, and the couple as a whole. So, you go for it girl and the best of luck =]

Post # 87
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

OMG.. I cannot believe some of these posts lol some people are getting a little snappy :S

 

Anyway πŸ™‚  I am not yet engaged but I am an aspiring young bride lol!!  I met the love of my life when I was 14 years old.  We started dating when we were 16 and 17.  We are still together now at 20 and 21 (4 years yay!)… and I have a funny feeling that my e-ring is coming around New Years Eve πŸ˜€ We are going on a cruise from 27th Dec to 7th Jan and I REALLY feel like it is coming then πŸ˜› well it better haha.  We have started looking at houses and always talk about our future together and I just can’t wait for him to ask me!  We already ‘unoffically’ decided the wedding date to be Jan 2014 because I am moving to the country for a teaching contract so I jokingly told him that I need to lock him down before I leave lol.  That means we will be married at 22 and 23.. well I HOPE!  Both of our families are very supportive and I can’t imagine our lives being any more perfect πŸ™‚

 

Haha sorry that must have sounded corny!  In answer to your question… I think getting married at a young age is an amazing opportunity to spend so much more time with the man you love!    

Post # 88
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am currently engaged at 22 and will be getting married after I graduate from college at 23. So many people tell me that I’m too young to get married but I tell them that I’m in love and we’ve been through so much together already that marriage just fits. Plus all the negative comments quit when I show those people my ring and my dress LOL. My fiance is a marine and our love has stood the test of distance and time and so much more. I can’t wait to marry the love of my life.

Sometimes love just finds couples younger than the rest and everyone else is just jealous πŸ˜‰

Post # 89
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Totally fine with people marrying young BUT… And This is a big But

I don’t agree with the length of time some people wait. 

A couple in my group of friends met each other then went into a relationship few months later they’re engaged… Now they’re married (all within around a year and a half). Before they even had jobs (no really they had no idea what they was going to do for work) or was earning money. They moved into his sisters house and soon expecting a child. I feel sorry for the sister who worked hard to afford her own house before marrying. If your in love and know your going to spend the rest of your life together… why the rush?

But back to my point I see nothing wrong with marrying young but it isn’t for everyone and nothing wrong with dating πŸ™‚

Anyway I wish you all the best x

Post # 90
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I met my Fiance when I was 23 , and he was 27 we dated long distance for a year and a half. Before I moved to GA. I was/am 26 when we got engaged and he is 30. I will be 27 when married and he will be 31 on our wedding day. I have always been an older soul and most of my friends would say I was made to be a wife lol…That is because I cook, clean and take care of my man but not in a 1950s way lol. I am definitely not missing anything my Fiance has made me a better person I learned to relax in life (my Fiance is super laidback), while I’ve made him more outgoing. We have grown together so much as a couple even where others have noticed. Our Pastor just had a coversation with us and the church saying how much we have grown as a couple and individually and thank us for all of our hardwork.

 

I see nothing wrong with marrying younger, I am not missing anything when it comes to dating. As OP stated I am the second one of my friends to get married, my girlfriends also tell me horror stories of dating and I don’t want to go back. I’m happy with life, I love my Fiance and I look foward to growing with each other, traveling and creating our own family.

 

OP congrats on your engagement and don’t let anyone take you off of your cloud 9. You are doing what’s best for you and your Fiance.

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