(Closed) happy to marry at a young age! not missing out!

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 95
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Mrs Grape:

 

I’m totally using this next time someone mentions my age!

 

Another “young bride” bride checking in! FH and I meet first week of college (We were both 18 and have been dating ever since (4 years 2 months yay us!). We will be 22/23 at our wedding in May. I absolutely HATE people saying “O but you’re so young” or “Why are you getting married”… Grrr It pisses me off….I have resorted to answering back “Because the sex is good” or “His family has load of money” just so I can laugh at peoples reaction.

If I were 30 nobody would be questioning my decision, or asking why I’m getting married. That’s such a stupid question especially when whatever answer I give will be picked apart and questioned further. If I go with the romantic “I found my soul mate and we want to spend our lives together” they react as if I were an ignorant infatuated teenager. But if I say we are compatible and have the same vision in life, they think I’m not in love and getting married for the wrong reasons. Really it’s getting sooooo tiring and I have only been engaged for 6 months! People please stop …just say CONGRATULATIONS!

As to the “You have your whole life ahead of you, so many things you haven’t done”, “and you won’t be the same person in your 30s than you are now”…. That makes no sense.  Of course I won’t be the same person at 30 than I am now. Nor will I be the same person at 40 or 50 or 60, people grow and change… it’s called life. If you decide to get married you are committing yourself to face all of life’s changes together, to love each other through all the growth, to support each other no matter what. That’s what getting married means, no matter what age.

I’m excited to live all of “young adult” life experiences with my FH by my side. College graduation, first “real” Job, first cross-country move, first home, first Christmas tree, first trip to Europe, first promotion and lots of other experiences we will share as wonderful memories because we married young. I’m grateful I get to experience all those changes with my best friend because we met young but support whoever decides another path and wish them well.

 

Post # 96
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MsFrancez: Nicely put….I don’t see the why people make it such a big deal only the two in the relationship know their relationship …Our grand and great grandparents were married in their teens and early twenties but nobody says anything about that…I like when young people want to live right and have a mate by their side…Ain’t nothing wrong with that….If it was a mistake they will learn from that as anything else in live not our say so to judge.

Post # 97
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MsFrancez:“You have your whole life ahead of you, so many things you haven’t done”, “and you won’t be the same person in your 30s than you are now”….That makes no sense.Of course I won’t be the same person at 30 than I am now.

I am defintely not the same person I was in my early 20s as I am now in my late 20s and I think some people need their 20s to grow . I have friends who got married early who are now divorced, but I also have friends who have been with the same guy for over 10 years and have amazing relationships.  I think when it is time, it will happen.

I am glad I didn’t get married @ an early age. I think I would have stunted my growth lol . Plus I had a blast, and being married would have screwed it up. Right now it is totally different and I am glad I had all of the experiences I did because it made me a better person.

Post # 99
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@pandaboo: exactly…I think I was still developing who I was as a person and a woman. I am not sure I would have accomplished all that I wanted to do. I had a wonderful boyfriend (from 17-22) and I would have married him in a heartbeat.  when we broke up (he wasn’t ready for marriage) I decided to make the best out of the situation and I had a blast. I am grateful for that. I think it made me ready for my SO now.

 

Post # 100
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m young-ish at 23 and marrying my 25 year old Fiance is the right thing for me. It may not be for everyone, but it works for us. We will have been together 8 years when we marry. No breakups, in there either. Just some hard times and we’ve made it through. We waited until we were both accustomed to his military career and we’re ready now.

It may not be for everyone but it works for us.

Post # 101
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am 20 years old, 21 next month, and my fiance is 29. As you can imagine (and maybe the thought even came to your mind as soon as I said the ages >:( ), I have a very difficult time with people making rude or backhanded comments about how young I am/about our age difference.

I haven’t gotten the “You’re missing out on so much!” because to be honest (and hopefully not sound self-righteous), no one would say that about me.. I’ve lived on my own for quite a while, traveling and working throughout Europe, which is more than most people have done at this age. I have gotten the “You’re going to change so much in the next few years” told to me, in a cautionary tone…as if I’d change my mind about my Fiance. Ridiculous. Ugh!

Post # 102
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Im 22 and Darling Husband is 27,and we are perfectly happy!it makes me giggle when people tell me “you will miss out on so much…your so young” umm, I have lived on my own since I was 16,fully supported myself by working 6/7 days a week,65+ hours a week,(and still found time to go out socialising nearly every night)and travelled and lived abroad(briefly). In very short years,Ive been lucky enough to do things the majority of people wouldnt have the opportunity to do,and I consider myself blessed. But not one of those things,as wonderful as they are,equal to being with my husband. We have an amazing life together,and he is supporting us both whilst encouraging and cheering me on with my decision to go back to college. All in all, Im very happy I married young,although I dont consider myself as “young”as I matured a lot from 16-20.

Post # 103
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve argued both sides of this debate before…My Fiance and I met when when we were 20 & 23 respectively, and when we get married we’ll be 26 and 29. We are an international couple, so for us to be together we had to be pretty serious about the relationship from the begining. I got a few comments that I was too young to be so serious, which was really not their business. I did have a friend my age who was in the same situation but got married at 21, and for me I knew I wanted to adjust to being a regular couple / figuring out myself before getting married. I moved to France with him, took a few jobs and internships, learned the language, and will have a dual masters degree before we get married. Now that I am getting married, I have another friend who is in her early 30s telling me that how young I am, how much maturing I have to do professionally and financially, etc. It’s gotten to the point that conversations with this friend have become so patronizing that I’ve had to put some distance between her and myself. 

I don’t disagree that your 20s are really a time to discover yourself, but everyone has their own path to get there. I realize I have some work do to on me, but that is an ongoing process and not mutually exclusive from my wedding vows. I couldn’t have said that a few years ago, as I’m sure many women who got married in their 30s couldn’t have made that commitment at 26. I think it’s important that you are taking the marriage seriously and know what you are getting into – like living together, paying bills, other responsibilities as an independent couple, along with balancing yourself in a marriage. I think I will be a better wife because we waited, but that’s just me. 

On the other side of that, I really don’t think it’s necessary for people who are older to make comments discouraging getting married in your 20s – most the time it comes off as the person believing their path in life is superior to someone elses. 

Post # 105
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t feel that by getting married young I’m missing out on anything! When you find the one that completes you, you don’t need anything else 🙂

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