Post # 1
I’d like to give the disclaimer that this post is long and kind of whiny, but it is a bad day so far and my women problems are starting. LOL.
After going to the movies with my friends last night, I came home feeling really good and started talking on the phone with my mom. Once I hung up and was all alone (reading proposal stories online…I know…..emotional suicide), I started to get a little sad. Everyone seems to be getting engaged right now, and although I am VERY happy for them, a little piece of my hope is chipped away. I’m starting to feel like I am mistaken.
I read a lot of posts on WB about women who KNOW their men have the ring, or they shopped with their men to find a ring…and I have done none of that. My SO and I were having some serious issues about the whole non-engagement thing, and although it feels good to back off, I just wish the waiting phase wasn’t so hard. I am (obviously) not the first woman who has had to wait, had to stop moping around…and get their witts about them. I realize that. So whenever I wanna throw a pity party for myself, I have to sit back and think about those things.
He talks more and more and more about engagement and marriage every day and although that is a good sign (ESPECIALLY from him), I am just starting to ignore him. It’s unreasonable to go from one month of arguing and fighting, to being engaged the next month….but I am just sad and there’s no place else to voice my feelings besides the Bee. This morning, he made me breakfast in bed…and although it was very nice of him…I just didn’t want it. He’s been doing “nice things” for me for almost 4 years now. I know it sounds ungrateful, and I know I am going to be bashed a little bit by saying this, but today is just a really hard day and it is only 10:54 am. We have a date later on that I just….idk.
Is there anyone out there that has felt like this during their waiting period? I love this man very much, and I am glad he is making an effort (as am I) to restore the good times in this relationship, but I can’t possibly be the only one who would rather save all the nice gestures for the actual proposal. Hell, I don’t even want a proposal….just ask me. LOL. Any advice, words of encouragement, etc would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I know how you feel. It took seven years for my fiance to finally propose. In the year leading up to the engagement, I found myself becoming resentful of him. I felt frustrated that he wasn’t ready and didn’t understand what the issue was, since by that time we’d been living together for over two years. He ended up feeling really sad and like I didn’t want to be with him anymore because I was often irationally annoyed with him, and I felt like i couldn’t tell him the real issue.
You say that you’ve been having some difficult times in your relationship. If I were you, I’d focus on growing and maturing in your relationship so that, when you do get engaged, you can feel confident that you’re making the right choice and that you’re ready for it. Understandably, my fiance had a lot of conflicting thoughts about wanting to propose when I was being a grumpy pain in the ass. Once I realised that, I changed my attitude a lot and I was able to enjoy our relationship for what it was at that moment.
If you’re reaching the ultimatum point, then I guess that’s something you need to reflect on. However, if you’re generally feeling happy in the relationship but keen to move to the next step, then just try to enjoy what you have now. I pushed quite hard for my fiance and I to move in together and, although it’s worked out fine in the end, he felt like he’d been denied an extra year of living on his own and enjoying independence. That was a major source of disagreement and it came up in a lot of arguments. In retrospect, I wish it had developed more organically so I could say that we were both happy with the progression of our relationship.
I hope you start feeling better soon. If it helps put things in perspective, my fiance has been working abroad for the past eleven weeks so I’d be happy just to have him here next to me, regardless of the ring.
Post # 4
At least yours is making the effort, i can’t even talk about engagements as it’s “pressuring him” …..ugh, if i was pressuring him, i’d drag him to every jewellery store from here to banff and back, or buy every bride magazine out there & leave them in the condo. I’ve deleted my ring ideas and such off the PC it’s bringing me down. I’m so done with weddings and engagements, honestly. Might take a break from here and just work, work work, make my money and save
Post # 5
@NearlyWife: Thank you for sharing your story and giving me words of encouragement/advice. Right now, I am focusing on fixing our relationship because I do love this man and he does everything to set up a good future for “us”….which he always talks about. I will admit that a lot of this is my fault. Accusing him of not loving me because we arent’ married, yelling at him….just being a complete monster. It’s just that now things are getting so much better so fast, I get a little sad of the feeling inside telling me there’s no ring shopping in the near future. My (almost) silent date isn’t for another year and a half, so I will just continue to make the best of this relationship with this awesome man in the meantime. It is nice, however, to know I am not alone in these feelings.
Post # 6
@Alaric2012: OMG!!!! That’s exactly how I feel. I will admit, I did A LOOOOT of nagging, but I think magazines all over the house, posting rings on the mirrors, and checking his bank account would be pressure!! I’m very sorry for your situation and hopefully your SO will come around. Do you try doing things without him? Do you focus on yourself? Can you really not talk to him about it at all? If a break from the bee is necessary (which I totally understand), then you go ahead and make that money. 🙂 Best of luck to you.