- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
so, a bit of back story. sorry if this gets drawn out.. so, I’m in a relationship where we’ve lived together for 2 years, been together about 5, and have talked about marriage since shortly after we moved in together.
Initially we talked about marriage, and in 2011 he told me that he thought we’d be engaged by the end of the year and married by 2013. However he said just needed to get his head around what a marriage would mean for our relationship. So, he then spoke to me before ’11 was over and voiced that he wanted us to spend a little time getting in a good place finacinally, and that he didn’t want to get engaged in 11 as planned. I was fine with that. We’ve discuss it every now and then, but the last time we talked about it was in Feb, and I actually brought up that maybe we should give ourselves some times with no marriage discussion, and we agreed that we’d give ourselves till June and revisit the conversation at that point, while we each got ourselves finacially sound.
So, June is coming, and we’ve both gone out of our way to get a good handle on our finiances. I was a credit card abuser in my youth (maxed out a few when I was like, 18-23.. I’m almost 29 presently) and I’ve paid off all but two in full over the past few months. One of the remaining cards is specifically a business credit card, and we’ve discussed that this one will likely always have some sort of balance. I’ve eliminated $400 in monthly expenses in the past year. He’s getting near paying off his car, and has made a serious dent in his student loans (I didn’t have student loans. I was able to pay for college up front). We’re on a really solid financial path.
So, June is arriving and things have been going really really well between the two of us as well as finacially. This evening we had an argument, durring which he said “I feel like we can’t possibly discuss marriage if we’re fighting like this.”……. Up untill that point we had been having a civil bickering about something that wasn’t terribly important, but that statement stopped me. I reminded him that it had been months of financial good times, and that we’ve hardly argued durring this time, other than superficial things like household chores. I also pointed out that it’s a little silly to think that two people who plan to live together and be together in a marriage capacity wouldn’t argue. He agreed, but still said he thinks we have “miles to go” before marriage is an option.
I feel like at this point we’re in place. We’re finacially sound, we’re living together in a way that people with individual opinions live together. And now he’s creating new reservations. He’s made a few arguments about who’s turn it is to do the dishes into something else that is a reason to back away from having a serious discussion about marriage.
I’ve been patient, I’ve considered all of his imput on this, but I’m starting to feel like it’s always going to be something. I’m starting to feel like it’s time to start considering my options. I plan to go ahead with our discussion in June as planned. I’m pretty sure I know how this will go. I’m reluctant to give any sort of ultimatum because I would NEVER want to enter into a marriage with someone who might be reluctant. But my rope is wearing thin.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, or maybe have some insight? I really really love this person, but am starting to feel like I’ve been very patient, and that my patients has been taken advantage of.