(Closed) Hardest thing you’ve been thru as a couple?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

unemployment

Post # 4
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

ITA, unemployment and about 7 moves in the last 2 1/2 years. We moved from VA to CA, 2 places in CA to NJ and 2 places in NJ. It’s been pretty nuts.

Post # 5
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Unfortunately we have had quite a few.
–  Someone that I know stole my identity and then stole a HUGE amount of my money while my fiancé and I were working on Martha’s Vineyard one summer. I had to leave the island, report everything, and meet with multiple people, file police reports and talk to lawyers. He came back to stick right by my side the whole time.
– My father’s heart stopped. His heart stopped for over a half hour. They were finally able to revive him but then he was in a coma for weeks. He was also put on a very strange new machine for weeks. We traveled 2 hours to the hospital almost about every day to sit with him.
– Then this year my father had open heart surgery and had extensive recovery for that. I am my fathers medical power of attorney and have to make all those yucky decisions when he is ill, so it is even more important for me to be there than normal. My great Fiance stuck by my side the whole time, even when he didn’t need to and I knew he had better things he could be doing.
– AND when we first started dating I was still legally married. That takes A LOT of will to want to stick around. My ex-husband and I had been separated for years, but he was over seas in the military and was not here for us to get divorced. My ex made it take MUCH longer than it needed to. The military and CT state law didn’t help either. None the less my Fiance stuck through and was really understanding and patient with all of it.

I don’t know that I could pick just one. They were all really hard and tested us in very unique ways.

Post # 6
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

Law school.  We had been dating for 2 years when I decided to go to law school.  He came with me (before we were engaged), and it was hell at first.  Things are better now, but they were really rough at the beginning, to a point where we almost broke up over it.  But now, there’s light at the end of the tunnel (5 more months!), and I think my career choice works well for us.

Post # 7
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Unemployment and moving countries/dealing with immigration.  No real issues from either that’s shaken the relationship though, just not easy situations.

Post # 8
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

my fil had a tumor removed from his pancreas. this was before we were engaged, but were living together. pancreatic cancer is like the scariest kind–really fast and usually not much hope. this was 2 years ago now and his dad is fine, though pretty frail still–we actually don’t know too much about the details because my hubby very much only wants to know things on a need-to-know basis (which driives me crazy–i want to know as much as possible!). but he was in the hospital for almost a month, and my hubby just had a really really hard time coping with it. i had to be both his support system, but also really push him to be there for his mom, visit (he hates hospitals) and help his parents with all the logistical support they needed, like taking care of their dogs, bringing food, etc. it was so hard to watch him hurt so much, and also know when to let him be and when to really push since our instincts and reactions are really different. since we weren’t engaged yet, it was hard to figure out my “place” and role. his mom actually told me about the tumor before hubby knew, by a week, which was kind of awful! she knew he’d react badly though, and wanted me to be ready to help him through it, and i think she also just needed to tell someone. so yeah, that was definitely the hardest. we’ve dealt with long distance, moving together, and me starting grad school as well, but nothing has been as difficult. it definitely made us stronger though, and i think absolutely brought me closer to his parents as well.

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The most difficult thing for us was him going through cancer. He is cancer free now for 3 years thank goodness. It wasn’t so bad between the two of us but the stress of the situation made other people react differently to us. For example the amount of times people including close friends and family told me that I should cut my losses and leave. Also his Mom decided all of a sudden that I wasn’t good enough and spent the entire time he was in the hospital not only trying to push me out of his life but also tried to talk him into breaking things off with me. Thankfully him and I have always talked about everything and we knew what was happening and were able to talk to her and see through what everyone was doing. His mom and I are good now by the way. She blames her actions on stress and I am completely aware of how fragile and short life really is because of what we have gone through so we have been able to put that all aside and now are very friendly.

Post # 10
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Losing my mother.

Post # 11
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My mom died exactly 2 weeks after we got engaged. She never got to see us…I did send her the pics though.

Post # 12
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Losing my brother less than a year of dating.  The anger during my grieving process almost tore us apart.

Post # 13
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

SInce we’re in a LDR I would like to say “distance” but that has been a lot easier than either of us anticipated *knock on wood* The hardest thing for us has been that we were brought together by personal tradgedy that both of us were going through at the time. We had a somewhat “trial by fire” start to our relationship. 

Post # 14
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m sad seeing how many of you have suffered through unemployment–that can be devastating.  DH went thru it when he was downsized out of a big corporation.  But, he handled it so well.  He never doubted he would get another job.

Post # 15
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We have dealt with a lot during our 7 years of dating, which makes me sad to think of all of it but glad to know that we’ve made it through some really rough things and that we have a strong base together.

-law school (for me), my parents contentious divorce, Fi’s health issues for a brief time, FI’s extended family was having a very rough time for a bit (multiple relatives with different issues), my grandmother’s extended illness and her passing, FI’s teenage cousin dying from cancer, FI’s other teen cousin being killed suddenly in an auto accident, to name some. 

I don’t know that as a couple we’ve had many deep issues/arguments, it’s mostly trying to pull through outside stressors and not let them affect our relation in a negative way. 

Post # 15
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

FH lost his job in 2008; but it was also done in a very public manner, so it was even more humiliating for him. This was a job he loved and became very depressed. Of course there was the financial strain. Thankfully he is employed again!

Grad school for both of us. I finished in 2010, he’ll finish this summer.

His grandfather passed away. The days leading up to his passing, this stirred up family “issues” that had been dormant for a couple of years, but were never really resolved.

I was in a pretty bad car accident (car was totaled), thankfully my injuries weren’t that bad.

 

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