Harshest Backhanded Compliment

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

“That is the most natural looking weave I’ve ever seen. Gorgeous. What kind of hair do you use?” This is my natural hair…”You must be mixed.” You must be ignorant. *walks away*

Heard this quite a few times in the last 36 years and its equally annoying every time.

Post # 32
Member
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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heavenlyflower :  Arghh the racist ones are the worst.

 

The one I have had most often is upon finding out I’m Indigenous someone will say “wow you are quite pretty for an Aboriginal”. Umm thanks? 

Or when someone is on a racist stereotyping rant then looks at you and says “but not you, you’re more like us” Not that I think that is a compliment, more that they think it is.

Post # 33
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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j_jaye :  That comment pairs well with “You’re pretty for a black girl,” backhanded compliment and “wow you look so exotic,” as if you’re some rare flower. Most of them mean well but it doesn’t always come off that way. 

Post # 34
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

About a month after I got married one of my supervisors saw me in the hall and said, “hey Mrs. DoubleD I’ve been meaning to tell you something (I’m thinking work related).” Then she proceeds to say, “you sure are adjusting well to married life huh?” I laughed and said yes why do you say that? She said, “You can tell because you’ve put on a few extra pounds.” I literally started laughing out of discomfort like did she really just say that!? Mind you I’m pretty small. I’m 26, 5’3, 130 lbs and wear size 3. This is the *heaviest* I’ve ever been.

Post # 35
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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happyjuju :  Seriously – this made me LOL!!!

 

Post # 36
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Not sure if this counts – but long story short… I was at my Fiance family event were his ex wife was there.  There will be many in the future so I want things to be as easy for the whole family as possible.  I have hair to my waist and one of the family members mentioned it and I referenced spending a lot on products to keep it as healthy as possible.. At the end of the evening his ex came over and gave me a hug and ACTUALLY PULLED MY HAIR!  Honestly I believe she was looking to see if I was wearing extensions….  I think I will laugh about that for the rest of my life!

Post # 37
Member
5368 posts
Bee Keeper

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lauralaura123 :  Worst best backhanded compliment was about my wedding photo, “You look so pretty you don’t even look like yourself.” WTF man, but thanks? 

Post # 39
Member
5368 posts
Bee Keeper

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glitterati :  Ugh! I get the “you have such a pretty face why don’t you wear contacts more often?” Whenever I wear contacts. I have a medical reason for not wearing them as often as I used to be able to ao it kind of stings. 

Post # 40
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

“You are pretty white for an asian” LOL excuse me? She told me she was talking about my skin tone which doesn’t really make anything better.

I don’t know what she expected me to say in response. Umm… you are pretty pink for a white? lol I would never actually say something like that but things people say smh

Post # 41
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

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sweatergal007 :  I got that about my wedding photos too!  And from someone who is usually really nice– she honestly didn’t realize the backhanded aspect!

Post # 42
Member
463 posts
Helper bee

Waitress came to clear our dinner plates and turned to my husband and said “Wow, I can’t believe she ate all that!”. Uh thanks?

Post # 43
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I once had a BOSS tell me, “I think you might be smarter than you look!” after I spoke up in a meeting. Uh thanks, boss. I was so uncomfortable I just laughed awkwardly, which probably didn’t help my cause. At least I dont work there anymore. I also had a friend tell me my wedding dress was “actually really pretty for the amount I spent” knowing I spend a lot less than she did on hers. I wonder if people are like this on purpose or just really clueless…

Post # 44
Member
5368 posts
Bee Keeper

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ladycomfypants :  I know I was gonna let it go but she went on and on. I’m like ok I get that I’m a troll every other day. Ughhhh. 

Post # 45
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - La Jolla, CA

My MOM posted this after I told her that SO and I were engaged. 

 

I also get “you’re nicer than you look” quite often. Thanks, rbf 😏

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