I cut ties with my ‘best friend’ Julie of 13 years within a few months of dating my now Darling Husband.
Darling Husband, who is the most caring and generous guy I have ever met, opened my eyes to the fact that Julie treated me like absolute shit and took advantage of me and our friendship ALL the time. I just assumed that it was normal behaviour. We had known each other since we were 14 and I didn’t know that healthy friendships weren’t like that.
Once I started standing up for myself, Julie became defensive and really the breaking point resulted in a screaming match on the street! And I am sooo not like that – I am usually very easy going and avoid confrontation at all costs. I guess that added to the problem, actually. But the relief I feel now that she’s out of my life, and the fact that my life is calm and drama-free, is worth all of that pain I went through. She was essentially asking me to choose between my Darling Husband and her, and since I knew in my bones that I was going to marry this man, I chose him. There is NO way I could have kept Julie in my life with the way she acted towards my Darling Husband and me.
Since our ‘breakup’, she has tried to apologize a few times (we haven’t really spoken in 6 years), and I kind of just avoid her. She plays the victim card any chance she gets, and if I gave her an inch, she’d take a mile. Most recent example:
My dad died 3 months ago and she called me crying, and I had to console her! After not speaking in 6 years!! She also called my mom and my sister, and cried to them! Then she showed up to one of the funeral home visitations, lingered forever, and was the last to leave, and my MOTHER gave her a ride home (!) because Julie made a really awkward and obvious comment about having to take the bus home, and I was like, well, how can you not offer a ride to a female who has to take a 40 min bus ride home at 9pm at night? Even if you hate her? But it still makes me rage and raises my pulse to think that my mom, who had just lost her husband of 48 years a couple of days prior, and who probably had had 2 hours of sleep during that time, gave this girl a ride home!!! Had Julie been a decent and normal person, she would have handled herself and not made her problem our problem. AND THEN! She came late to the funeral the next day, and from what I was told by my other friends, caused such a crying scene in the back row that she had several strangers checking on her to see if she was OK. I realize now that she has psychological issues, but she is the type of person who says – and I quote – “Therapy is for people who don’t have any good friends to talk to.” It is so obvious to me that all of this behaviour was for her own self gain. In her mind, she called to offer her condolences, and attended the funeral and visitations because she wanted to offer her support to my family and me. In reality, she inserted herself into my life at a time when the last thing I wanted was to deal with someone I had a falling out with. She could have sent a card, or flowers, or made a donation to show her support, but instead she made EVERYONE in my family uncomfortable, because she doesn’t understand boundaries.
Anyway, not really sure if that’s the kind of example you’re looking for, but it was my experience. And I’m sorry I went off on a tangent – I’m still struggling with the anger I feel towards her and it tends to come out when I start talking about it.