Post # 1
Not exactly “cold feet” because from what I’ve read that’s more thinking you’re making a mistake. I don’t feel like that.
We’ve been engaged about 9 months now. We dated for a year first. We started…I guess the term would be “staying over” each others probably after 7 months of dating (hard to explain since we pretty much to live together when we do this, for example I’ll go over to his place Friday and not come home to Tuesday or vice versa depending on schedules so it’s a bit more than just spending the night). We are moving in together by the end of summer around the mark of our 2 year anniversary, and the wedding is set for the end of next summer at our 3 year anniversary mark. I’d say we’ve done a good job pacing things 🙂
However, recently I get alot of “what ifs”. My parents are celebrating their 35th year wedding anniversary Monday, my fiance’s parents have been married 26 years I believe. We’re not from divorced families, but suddenly I’ve become so worried about it out of nowhere! Or I find myself reading about other couples and scare myself!
Has anyone else gone through this?
Post # 3
@Birdiebaby4: Yep! I am in the “What if” category.
Just like you I looooove my Fiance, he is the best.
But I do catch myself laying in bed at night going, “What if?” and it is What ifs for everything not just divorce. I think this is normal to question things like this.
I always try and steer myself into healthy thinking though and remind myself of the qualities I love about my Fiance, and the things we’ve accomplished together.
We’ve been together for 6 years now, so we have a lot of history together which reminds me to be confident in my decisions that we make for our future together.
Post # 4
@JoJoDahling: Thank you! I actually feel a bit better, one of my “what ifs” is what if we didn’t date long enough? What if we should have gotten engaged this year instead of last year and that’s why I’m having these “what ifs”!
But it’s nice to know comming from someone who’s been in a relationship of 6 years. Ironically my longest prior relationship was almost 6 years long and I said after that I’ve never date someone for that long again without getting engaged after the first few years! But I try to remind myself with that ex, after about a year and a half I had my doubts and wanted to break up with him a few times and this pattern went on over the years and I’ve never had that with my fiance.
Post # 5
@Birdiebaby4: At 6 years I still wonder if we’ve dated long enough, but then I tell myself that is crazy talk.
I don’t know if you are like this, but for me I am a planner I try and plan everything even for things that haven’t happened, or never will happen, so I invent scenarios in my mind and try to plan and fix them, so when my brain starts taking it to a dark place of “what ifs” in my relationship with Fiance I have to stop myself and start getting my mind back in the present moment. It is so easy to wonder off into the future, and not realize how great things are going in the present.
I wish you and your fiance’ all the best!
Post # 6
@JoJoDahling: Oh my gosh exactly! That makes so much sense, I am a planner and I never really realised by worrying about these things I’m trying to “plan”. Huh. Interesting!
But thank you! Same to you and yours!