(Closed) Has anyone asked you, “Why such a long engagement?”?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Oh yeah, definitely. We’ve been engaged since March 2011 and are planning to marry August 2013. Mostly, it’s strangers or people who don’t know us who question it, but the basic fact is: yes, we’re ready to be married BUT at the time of our engagement, Fiance was finishing up his undergrad degree. He didn’t even get a full-time job until October 2011. I was a temp at the time (hired full-time a couple months later, yay!), so there isn’t much money. But there will be, since we’ve had the time to plan.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

Yeah. Our engagement will be 23 months total, for various reasons. My usual response is “Weddings are expensive!” To which I usually get “I know, so expensive! Blah blah something about weddings blah.” I’ve found, though annoying, it usually doesn’t come with malicious intent, just curiosity.

Post # 5
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

People ask us the same thing all the time, we’re getting married in July 2013 and no one understood why we got engaged so early. Our reasoning is that we’re waiting for me to finish law school and the location that we want is completely booked for the summer of 2012. Your reasoning makes perfect sense though.

Post # 6
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yes, and it is really starting to irrtate me. Especially when I go to ask someone’s opinion on something, ( I work in a wedding venue, so I figured i have a good resource) and they tell me ” You have such a long time…”

I usualyl laugh and say no not really, since we are both in graduate school, there are practicums and internships that have to be done, plus thesis papers and disertations that will have to be done BEFORE the wedding. We also work full time, and our weekends are non existant.  We are paying for everything ourselves so we need time to save up money.

 

Post # 7
Member
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I once had one of FI’s coworkers (about 20 years older than me) ask why such a long engagement and I told him it was mostly a money/saving issue and he just nodded and said he understood. And then he went on about how exciting it was to be engaged and how he remembered when he and his wife were first engaged.

But I have encountered people who are less nice about it, too. My FI’s grandmother called our engagement “just a promise” because the wedding is so far away. Wasn’t too pleased about that. Then a woman at the post office noticed we were engaged and asked when the wedding would be and I said “Oh, a couple years.” and she literally laughed! Sometimes people just have this idea about how things should be, and god-forbid you do them any different, lest you be deemed ridiculous. 

The people closest to us, our parents, and close friends have been very understanding about why we’re having a 2+ year engagement, so I’m not too worried about the odd off-putting comment.

Post # 8
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Our engagement was 28 months long. When people asked why, we told them: grad school.

Post # 9
Member
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m guilty of asking why so long.  When the calendar date is out 2 years, it just SOUNDS like a very long time even if its just a year and a half.  Most people seem to jump on a wedding asap, so its surprising when there’s a long wait.

Post # 10
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve been guilty of asking, although I wouldn’t think of 1.5 as excessively long.  I think of a “standard” range as about 10 months to 1.5 years.  (My sibs were engaged for 2.5 years each, longer than the time period they had dated, both about 1 year.  I dated just over 3 years, will be engaged almost 1 year.)  I did so because to me, engagement is a journey, not a destination.  In other words, for me personally, I would prefer a longer dating time than engagement time and wouldn’t choose to get married until I was actively planning a wedding – not just saving for one.  (You can save and not be engaged after all.)

Post # 11
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

@kay01:  Yes, but for us the engagement period is an important transition in our relationship. We’ve been living together for 2 years, but our relationship definitely change when we got engaged and is on a totally different level. Having this time to work through that and experience it has been really good for us. I can 100% say for certain we wouldn’t be planning/saving without being engaged – that sounds a bit silly to me, idk. And neither of our families would take wedding planning/saving seriously if we weren’t engaged.

Post # 12
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes, engaged Sept 2010 getting married May 2012.  We both are without fathers now and our mothers can’t help much so we are paying for it ourself and had just got a new home expense. I also find it offensive when I tell people some say, what about your parents! HELLO, I am 38 he is 37, we own a home, I have a 16 year old son, and my mother is a window why on earth would I expect her to pay for it. Gee haha sorry i got carried away. 

Post # 12
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes, engaged Sept 2010 getting married May 2012.  We both are without fathers now and our mothers can’t help much so we are paying for it ourself and had just got a new home expense. I also find it offensive when I tell people some say, what about your parents! HELLO, I am 38 he is 37, we own a home, I have a 16 year old son, and my mother is a window why on earth would I expect her to pay for it. Gee haha sorry i got carried away. 

Post # 12
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes, engaged Sept 2010 getting married May 2012.  We both are without fathers now and our mothers can’t help much so we are paying for it our self and had just got a new home expense. I also find it offensive when I tell people some say, what about your parents! HELLO, I am 38 he is 37, we own a home, I have a 16 year old son, and my mother is a window why on earth would I expect her to pay for it. Gee haha sorry I got carried away. 

Post # 14
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Every.single.darn.time.. 

 

Then I realized that I wouldn’t have to settle for anything.. a photographer I wanted in my price range.. no worries! They weren’t booked yet (although I booked a little under a year in advance.) A venue.. IT’S ALL MINE.. TAKE ALL THE THINGS!!! (insert hyperbole and half girl here)

 

With that said, I got a lot of big important stuff out of the way. It is a very popular month. 

My reasons are.. (I went away to grad school) we haven’t gotten real jobs still (but at least one of us have a job) and because he wanted to. Oh well there is nothing I can do about it now.. with that being said I have let everything creep up on me.. and now I am stressing, because I was bored with being engaged, I stopped planning. And now it’s rush rush rush! 

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