(Closed) Has anyone asked you, “Why such a long engagement?”?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 26
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

no one asked us anything- but we got engaged early 2011 and getting married late 2012.

Post # 27
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

1.5 years doesn’t seem very long in the grand scheme of things. Fiance and I are waiting likely 2-3 years. A lot of people ask when we are getting married and we usually just say that we are saving up. This usually gets met with responses like “that’s smart” instead of “why so long?”

Post # 28
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I have never asked this question. But I have known several people who got engaged, never set a date, or set one years in the future and then broke up. Which I guess was a good thing that they didn’t rush into marriage! I don’t mean to be a downer, since the Bees on here are clearly on top of things. I think people are just curious, especially older generations where long engagements were uncommon in their day. Nowadays, I think it’s completely acceptable because, like you say, there are other accomplishments people want to achieve before tying the knot.

Just another comment that you’ll have to brush off.

Post # 29
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

All the time.

I just tell people we wanted to wait until we were done school, and they get all “oh, isn’t that responsible of you”.

Post # 30
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Also, whenever I read this thread title I think “why so serious?”. Hee!

Post # 31
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think 2013, especially before it was 2012, just sounds so far away, so they might not realize it’s only 1.5 years.

I think the long engagement thing is only worrisome when there is no wedding planning going on. From my own experience (for my previous marriage), I think it’s usually a bad idea to get engaged unless you are willing and able to get married in the near future, i.e. to start planning the major details and get things like a date and venue fixed.

Post # 32
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2012

OH YES! Many times. Engaged in October 2011 – Wedding date December 2012. I usually tell them it is because I wanted a winter wedding and my Fiance is in school until May. I didn’t want to stress him out with wedding stuff his last semester. Also, we are paying for it ourselves so money is a big factor.

I have a custom dress that I found in December 2011 and when I went to the store for my appointment I was SURE they were going to tell me it was too early to look, BUT the owner of the shop told me a year is perfect because a custom dress can take 6 – 8 months to arrive depending on how many changes you are making and then if you have to send it back for any reason you have 2 months before you need alterations. It made me feel much better about dress shopping “so early”.

Lastly I am WAY picky and I change my mind when I find something better. I thought it would take me many different stores and even maybe multiple cities to find my dress so I wanted enough time to make everything perfect and not be stressed about details. I ended up finding the dress at the first shop I went to on the first day but still. At least I wasn’t in any way shape or form stressed about it.

Post # 33
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would totally say, “I’m pregnant and don’t want to be breastfeeding anymore when I get married!”

But no, I really just told people that we felt like it was right, and if they questioned it further I told them it wasn’t any of their business.  It hasn’t come up much at least!

Post # 34
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

yes, we have a super long engagement and haven’t actully set a date. I usually cite family reasons. It was easier last year when we bought the house. I spent more on the house than I would have on the wedding!  In the last few years lots of stuff has happened when we first got engaged that pushed the date out.

Post # 35
Member
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

OH YEAH!! We got engaged February 6th 2011 and our wedding is June 23rd this year… Everytime we said June 2012 people said “oh NEXT year” or “why not this June?” Well we needed time to put it all together and money… plus June is a busy month for weddings and most vendors and venues you have to book around 13-15 months ahead of time.

Post # 36
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Ours was almost 2 years long too as we got engaged in the fall of 2010.  So I hear what you say.  I was constantly being asked why wait till 2012 not 2011.

We wanted a summer wedding so with less than 10 months of planning, I felt stressful.  Weather is not great here so only in summer can you really have a nice weather wedding.  That being said, it would’ve cost us a lot of money to rush and plan a hot season wedding with little experience. Now I have 2 years in planning time, I can do it a bit at a time outside of work. 

And the most important reason is $$$.  We are paying our own and we are still saving.  With that said, people usually don’t push too much afterwards. 

But everyone is different.  I have someone plan their wedding in 3 months no problem.  The bride knows what she wants.  I also have a couple planning to get married for 3-4 years and still being indecisive when they really want to get married.

 

Post # 37
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh yes- we got asked all the time! We got engaged back in March of 2010 and we’re getting married June 2012- and people were literally asking the day we got engaged when the date was. My gosh let me get settled with the excitement first! When people asked me I simply said that I didn’t want to feel stressed or pressured over something that I not only take incredibly seriously, but that I want to enjoy planning. As a full time student, my FH supports me a lot and pays for more than I do- so we needed time to figure out money, budget, what we wanted, and to enjoy being together. Now that almost 2 years has passed since we got engaged, I couldn’t be happier that we waited. I lost my job, transferred schools, and we moved twice since we got engaged! I don’t think that people realize how annoying it can be when they question you about the length of your engagment. I personally never ask because it’s none of my business and I can also understand. I almost wanted to ask my friends who got engaged and married within months how the heck they pulled it all off so fast and why! 🙂

Post # 38
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My engagement is a total of 2 years. The reason why we pushed it so far back was because I was doing my internship and finishing up my master degree. And I wanted a wedding around Labor day weekend (getting married Sept 1, 2012) so that it would be a day my fiance could work with (he’s in school right now) and also work for my maid of honor (who is also in school… and she would have to fly to us for the wedding since she goes to school on the east coast and we live in the west coast). So my wedding is about 7 or so months away now and people are still telling me it’s a long time… and some of these people were the same people who told me it’s a long engagement in the first place. But I think with all of this extra time I was able to get better pricing and also have all of time to DIY the crap out of my wedding =]

And who cares if it’s “too long of an engagement”? Time really does go by quickly.. like I said, it will be a total of 2 years engagement and now I only have about 7 more months to go until the wedding day.

Post # 39
Member
9829 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Yes we get asked that! Our engagement will be 3-4 years, if not longer, because I am still at university and my Fiance hasn’t got an idea of what he wants to do yet. And we want to live together for a year or two first before getting married and we each still live with our parents. So I just tell them that, and if they ask “why get engaged then?” I just say that we are ready for that commitment just not financially ready for marriage.

Post # 40
Hostess
11164 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

His family questioned it in the beginning and thought I was crazy to start planning right away. I am glad I did as the time goes by very quickly and I am thankful that I had a total of 18 months to get it all done.

I don’t know how some brides do it in just a few months, more power to them.

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