Post # 1
So my boyfriend and I have been together for about five and a half years and living together for three. He’s great; sweet, kind, generous, funny. We have our issues and disagreements but what couple doesn’t? There is an issue that has been looming over our relationship for a while. He has never dated another girl. I am 26 and he is 25- he’s only been intimate with one other woman and he feels that he is afraid to take our relationship to the next level because he feels he might be missing something. Last night be mentioned a “break” so that we can move in the direction towards marriage. two months ago we began a remodel on our home and have made several major purchases together. He has also told me that he “can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with me.” HELP!!
Post # 2
It is really hard and it will really hurt but you need to insist on giving him the break. You do not want to marry a man who will end up with a mid life crisis. He is only 25. Most (of course, there are exceptions but they are rare) men need to experience a whore stage. Or, at least a stage where they live a little and that usually includes other women. YOu do not want to marry someone who will always wonder about what it’s like to go through that stage. If he is yours, he will come back to you (and that’s if you would want him back at that point). Sounds like he loves you but he has that knawing feeling that he is too young and inexperienced to be so serious.
Post # 3
hmmm I won’t lie, this doesn’t sound good. you two obviously need to have a very serious conversation very soon, like nowish. because if after five years he’s feeling more like he needs a “break” as opposed to wanting to settle down than you two are on verrrry different pages. and I’d wana clear that up asap before investing any more money into big purchases and renovations.
he’s entiled to his feelings and I wouldn’t beg anyone to be with me if they hadn’t decided they wanted to on their own after that long. but you shouldn’t be ok with letting him basically go on a sexual walkabout before he figures out if you’re as good as he’s gona get. that’s majorly effed up.
Post # 4
If I were you, I’d let him go. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was too busy worrying if they were “missing out on something better”. Chances are.. he will probably realize that the grass really isn’t greener on the other side.
Post # 5
i was with my college boyfriend for 3 years. i moved in with him after i graduated college. at that point, he was the only one i ever had sex with, though i had been in other long term relationships. it was a concern of mine. i didn’t want him to be the only person i ever had sex with, although we had other issues too. so maybe if this was the only issue, i could have worked through it.
but i broke up with him. i felt i was too young and his life style was not how i wanted to live my life.
Post # 6
He needs a break so you two can move in the direction towards marriage? Does that mean he needs to sample other women so that he’ll know you’re the one he wants? Moving towards marriage should mean the two of you get closer, not take a break. I say you give him a permanent break. Sorry…..
Post # 7
It sounds like he isn’t ready for marriage and not ready for this relationship either. If he feels he needs to date more or sleep with more people or whatever that doesn’t bode well for your relationship. I sure as hell wouldn’t be going on a break so he can sow his wild oats or see if he can do better. If it’s over, it’s over.
I am my husband’s first and only relationship. And he’s my first serious one (I had a couple in high school but they don’t really count). Neither of us ever felt like we might be missing something, we felt like we hit the jackpot on the first try.
Post # 8
I think sugar bee hit the nail on the head. I know a break in his opinion is not about going and just having sex or dating other women; he is independent and I thjnk he likes to do his own thing at times. We’ve been arguing the past few weeks due to a miscommunication. It’s just frustrating that someone can wait so long to communicate these feelings.
Post # 9
wannabee2012 : Fuck him Bee. Seriously. He wants to take a break and see what he may be missing- and has the absolute cajones to ASSUME you’ll be waiting for him with open arms after he’s sewed his wild oats &/ or hasn’t found any greener grass? That he’s doing this so the two of you can move forward to marriage? Well, that’s mighty big of him. Please please PLEASE don’t lower your self esteem enough to be willing to be his consolation prize, you deserve better than this.
Better that he’s upfront if he has second thoughts, wants to take a break, but don’t let him sugar coat it as something he’s doing for the relationship, that’s bullshit. He’s doing it 100% for himself, even if it hurts you, and he’s willing to RISK the relaitonship to do this (or he’s so full of himself he considers it a given you’ll be waiting for him during this break). Guys who can’t wait to get married, don’t need a break first.
A break would be hell on you Bee, you’d be wondering where he was and what he was doing and who he was doing it with. Even if you get back together after the break your relaitonship won’t be the same. You say he’s ‘sweet and kind’ but a sweet and kind hearted guy wouldn’t put you through this so he can seek out greener pastures.
If he wants a break, make it a clean break Bee, for your own sake.
Post # 10
RobbieAndJuliahaha : +1 this is so not about you guys moving forward in your relationship.. this is all about him.
Post # 11
No. You can be in a committed relationship and still be independent and do your own thing. You don’t need a break from your partner to do that. Your bf asking for a break from the relationship isn’t about his independence. He could go have his own interests, hobbies, etc. and still be with you. Many people do. It IS about seeing what else is out there while expecting that you’ll wait around for him while he does so. Please don’t do that.
Post # 12
He wants a few years to go screw people and see if he likes anyone else better. If he doesn’t like anyone else better then he’ll come back to you (as he assumes you will wait around). You might be in denial but thats the honest truth.
And yeah, I have been in this boat (together 6 years). We took a break for two months, got back together and then proceeded to move in together while he was still sleeping with anyone who would have him. Spent over a year trying to work things out while he still continued to date other women on the side. Oh, and he said all the same things your guy is saying to you too.
Post # 13
wannabee2012 : sounds like a big NOPE. He’s getting cold feet even before being actually engaged. I know you probably don’t wanna hear this and it probably will hurt a lot to break up after five years….but he sounds super selfish.
My Fiance was 25 when he proposed. It’s not about age. It’s about mentality. Some people don’t want to settle. Some are happy in a safe relationship and don’t see the point of a “whore phase” as PP puts it.
Post # 14
Thank you everyone for the advice. It’s definitely helpful to get objective opinions and views.
Post # 15
As others have said, he wants a break to sleep with other people. That isn’t moving towards marriage. If you’re okay with that, um go for it?