Has anyone been in the same boat?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
9131 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

It’s not wrong of him to want to explore being single, and it’s good he’s honest with you about it.  BUT, that is incompatible with you two moving forward to marriage.  At worst it’s a full breakup (if one or the other of you realizes you don’t want to actually be together, or falls for someone else), and at best it’s a separation where he gets to sleep around and you wait for him and feel like shit.

Which does he want more, a future with you or the break?  Hard to do both, and not fair to you.

Post # 18
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Count it as a blessing that he’s telling you this now rather than 10 years from now when you’re married with a kid. He’s not an asshole for wanting to take some time to “explore” – but he is totally delusional in thinking this is anything but a selfish move (and I’m not saying it’s wrong that it’s selfish…we all have to be selfish sometimes…but it is 100% selfish). I don’t know if he’s telling you that this is a step toward marriage to soften the blow, or if he genuinely believes that’s what this is, but either way he is wrong. As PP said, if you go down this path with him, it is going to be HELL for you. Don’t do it. Value yourself enough to end it now. You deserve to be with someone who is so infatuated with you he could never even dream of wanting to be with another person. And you can find that guy…but not if you’re still hung up on this guy.

Post # 19
970 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’ve been with my boyfriend for the same amount of time and we’re the same age as you guys. Both of us have also never been in another relationship. Of course we don’t have experiences with other people because we’re each others firsts! Have we “missed out” on having experiences with others, threeways, one night stands? Yes, but I wouldn’t want to risk our relationship to see what else is out there.

Post # 20
6791 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

He’s saying he wants to keep you as a placeholder while he goes and sees if there’s someone better out there. Sorry to be harsh, but it’s the truth. 

I went through this with my college boyfriend. It did not turn out well. I spent so much time and energy trying to convince him that we were right for each other. I was a mess. I should’ve just broken up with him. 

Post # 21
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

One of my girl friends went through this but instead he told her he wanted to get married after she’d been waiting 7 years for a proposal, then broke up with her 3 days after saying he wanted to. He was her first everything and they were high school “sweethearts” but this was his dilemma as well. He just didnt tell her. He cheated instead and just broke it off. I hope you realize that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore regardless of what he’s telling you. He IS missing something in his mind amd he’s telling you these things to hold you over in case something else doesnt work out. My question to you is what if he does find someone else? Are you going to accept it and know its what he needed a break for? Why not rid yourself of the issue before he has a chance to break your heart.  You have to save your owm dignity. Dont let him dictate if you’re together or not. Someone who truly loves you  and “want to get married” would not do this. Amd just FYI this is the FURTHEST and I mean furthest step away from marriage. 

Post # 22
6531 posts
Bee Keeper

He can choose to pursue other women OR he can choose to move forward in a relationship leading to marriage with you. He doesn’t get to have his cake and eat it, too. Damn. No. 

He has already told you he’s not sure that you’re ‘the one.’ It’s time for you to go out and find someone who is sure. 

Post # 23
600 posts
Busy bee

My Darling Husband never dated anyone before me (we started dating at 23), and he has never, ever brought up feeling like he “missed out” on anything. I even asked him early in our relationship if he felt like he wanted to have more life experience. He did, but wanted it to be with me. We’ve been together 10 years 

Post # 24
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

This would be a big fat no from me.

He’s not sure what he’s missing out on? Well let him go find out, but if it were me I wouldn’t be waiting for him once he’s decided there is no one better. What a jerk.

Post # 25
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

wannabee2012 :  Yes I had this issue and I have to warn you that it will not go away. My ex Boyfriend or Best Friend was a virgin when we met and never slept with anyone else even though we were not exclusive at first. He would bring up wanting to sleep with someone else about three times a year in the four years that we were together. He was 29 when we finally broke up because I finally said. “I’m tired of hearing about this! Just go sleep with someone else!” He said no because he’d feel too guilty. I said that there was clearly no solution then so we broke up. The other compounding factor was he said he changed his mind and never wanted to have kids. So I left because between the wanting to sleep with someone else and never wanting kids, there was absolutely nothing there for me. About 2.5 months later, I met my now husband. He has sowed his wild oats (as have I) and we started TTC right after our wedding. The point is: you can’t just ignore this problem because it will continue to come up. 

Post # 26
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If a person is “ready for marriage”, they don’t need anything or anyONE else, just saying 

Post # 27
1353 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

One of my best friends and my sister married their high school sweethearts. However, in college both of them broke up with their now-husbands for a period of time and dated others. I don’t know of any successful marriage where one of the people hasn’t dated anyone else. I think it would be healthy for your Boyfriend or Best Friend to date other people, but it sucks that he’s just saying he wants this NOW when you’re adults and have a house together.

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