(Closed) Has anyone been to a shower where they do not open the gifts?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Open or Not

    For sure you Have to!

    It would be nice not to sit through that

  • Post # 31
    Member
    2156 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    GreenGables:  oh, i meant to say before that i also don’t think that for a shower you have to showe up with gift-in-hand. i think it IS perfectly fine (and likely much appreciated by bride/groom) to just send the gift to them directly. the only reason to show up with a physical gift is because the bride is going to sit there and open them in front of people (which i’ve already said is just silly). so we do at least agree on that!

    Post # 32
    Member
    776 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Honestly I think its really lame and anticlimatic when the bride doesnt want to open gifts. Then its truly just a gift grab party because youre not even letting people “shower” you and enjoy giving the gift and watching you open it. If you dont want gifts and the hoopla, just throw a normal party or skip the shower.

    Post # 33
    Member
    2079 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Tough call.  I have heard of this but haven’t seen it.  However, I was at a cousin’s shower a few weeks ago and there were a lot of people, maybe 40? or more?  And opening gifts took forever, she had a stack of cards that she didn’t open because there wasn’t time.  I think though this is more a reason to do smaller showers or multiple showers with different groups.  I think you could offend some people by not opening gifts.  I feel like that is the point of the shower, watching the bride open gifts and chatting. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    1829 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I don’t mind giving a gift at all. I don’t want to eatch you open it. 

    I kind of think how this weekend we had a house warmming party (we made it clear gifts were not expected), when I did get them, I placed them in another room and opened later. That’s kind of how I think it should go. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

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    sparklesalways:  I agree. Whats the point of a shower if you arent going to open the gifts? I want to see your reaction when you open the gift I got you!

    The gift opening is what I always look forward to at a shower, I could pass on the awkward mingling with guests I dont know TBH.

    Post # 36
    Member
    3664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    Never heard of display showers before but as a guest I would love it. Watching someone open a bunch of gifts is boring, and I wouldn’t be offended if that was skipped at showers and things were just displayed unwrapped instead. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee

    I seem to actually be attending more and more events where they gifts are not open. From baby showers, to bridal showers and birthday parties. I voted “it would be nice to not sit through that.” I think it is nice to socialize, play a few games and enjoy the party as opposed to watching every gift be opened.

    Post # 38
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I didn’t open gifts for my bridal shower. However, that’s the norm in my hometown. However, in my husband’s hometown (where we live now), most people find it rude not to open them in front of the party.

    Post # 39
    Hostess
    4615 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I would love to not sit through gift opening, but every shower I’ve ever been to had the bride open the presents. I think older family members would find it odd to skip, but I personally would not mind.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1705 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t like showers myself, but I think opening gifts has to be a part of them. Otherwise, it’s a bit like you’re just asking people to dump their presents & go. People go to a lot of trouble to get gifts for showers, I think you have to fuss over them a little.

    Post # 41
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I went to a baby shower with a lot of guests and they had two piles for gifts, one for people who wanted their gifts opened in person, and the other pile of who was ok if she opened them later. I thought that was a nice compromise on how to accomodate all feelings but also save a lot of time.  Some people had special gifts that had sentimental meaning and wanted them opened in front of them, where others with more boring gifts or gift cards were fine with her opening later.   I had thought I would likely do the same when I have a wedding and/or baby shower.  

    Post # 42
    Member
    30400 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

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    ilovesophia:  There is definitely a name for a pre-wedding social event where gifts are not expected or opened. In the example you gave, it would be called a brunch or luncheon.

    “Please join us for brunch
    honoring the bride
    …”

    My recent experience has been that showers are getting larger and larger, the gift opening is taking longer and longer, and the solution brides jump on is to not open the gifts. The reality is, that no matter what they say about just wanting to socialize before the wedding, they want an extra gift from all those women invited to the shower. If they didn’t, they could decline a shower and have a luncheon or brunch, with no mention of gifts at all.

    If the bride finds opening gifts to be boring, but still wants a shower, there is a also a solution to that. Don’t invite so many guests. Gift opening at a shower with 10-12 guests, really doesn’t take that long.

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    13924 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

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    btob17:  
    View original reply
    ilovesophia:  The answer to  accusations of showing off or difference in gift amount is that showers are not supposed to be gift giving competitions at all. They are most appropriately modest, intimate, and low key events hosted by a close friend or close friend of the family. Presents are supposed to be limited to practical and inexpensive items for the home. If showers were what they were intended to be, there would be no issue here. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    2156 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    weddingmaven:  i didn’t actually say anything about difference gift amount. i said that it feels show-off-y to want to see your gift opened in front of everyone. even if they are inexpensive, practical presents the mindset of “i want to see the bride open my gift” makes the gifting about YOU and not the bride. it’s no longer about gifting the bride (in which case you’d be happy to know that she got it, and receive a thank you card as such); instead it’s about YOU getting see your present opened, or her reaction, etc. it’s quite self-centered and really contrary to the spirit of gifting.

    honestly, with such attitudes about being offended or thinking it’s lame when gifts aren’t opened at a shower, i’m surprised there isn’t such an uproar over wedding gifts – which are never opening at the wedding. instead, people are totally accepting and happy to bring (or send) a gift, socialize, and receive a thank you card!

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by ilovesophia.
    Post # 45
    Member
    13924 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

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    ilovesophia:  Again, there’s a big difference between a wedding and a shower and a wedding gift and a shower gift. You’re right that in most situations, you wouldn’t open gifts publicly. A shower is considered an exception only because it’s supposed to be this small, understated thing thrown voluntarily by a very close friend or friends for only very close friends or close family. Within that small group of intimates, no one is likely to take it the way you are portraying it. If so, the bride probably has the wrong friends. 

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