(Closed) Has anyone else been given a pre-engagement ring?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

 

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Anniie_spence :  I wore a promise ring for years on my left ring finger, my now husband gave it to me with the promise that he would propose when my divorce from my ex-husband was complete “with a real one” as he put it (not that my promise ring wasn’t “real” it was gold and had 10 little diamonds that probably totaled about .05ctw), as he thought it would be wierd to be engaged while I was still legally married to someone else.

Post # 17
Member
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would not want to be gifted a promise ring, and certainly not one what looks like an engagement ring and is worn on the engagement finger. Seems pointless to me and it also implies that engagement is all about the ring.

Post # 18
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Your pre-engagement ring is gorgeous! I find them to be wonderful pieces of symbolism, especially if you’re the kind of person to put a lot of stock into memorabilia and sentimental things (like me, lol)~

My SO gave me a promise ring when we were 17 and only dating for a year. We knew that we wanted to marry each other but obviously couldn’t because of age and wanting to at least have finished our college education, have a steady income, and move out of both our parents’ homes before getting engaged.

It’s CZ, set in sterling silver, and it’s also a Claddagh-style ring because I had wanted one since I was 13 and watched the episode of BtVS where Angel gave Buffy one for her birthday lol. I realize now that it was a gross appropriation of a cultural symbol and if I did it again, I’d go with something more innocuous, but at the time I was more into the fandom-aspect of it – *shame*. Anyway, it cost about $20 on Amazon and I LOVED it for so long and wore it everyday for about 6 years, up until just last year. Last year was when we both finally got full time jobs after completing our B.A.s and moved in together so now we can finally get engaged!

That being said, I always thought promise rings were more of a “younger” thing and a symbolic way to show total commitment, especially when the means of getting “seriously” engaged by the couples’ own standards are far out of reach. For example, in my own situation, I think I’d be over the moon to receive one anytime before graduating college (so before turning 22) because I could still see it being at least a year or two before the means of marriage actually being on the table for me/us. But if I was to get one now (I’m 24), I think I’d be a LITTLE DANG miffed, to put it lightly, especially since we have the financial means of saving for a wedding in the time frame we want (2019 fall wedding) and he can totes afford my ring (<$1000, moonstone), no problemo. But that’s for my own situation and good news is that he’s already bought my dream engagement ring and is planning to propose before the end of the year. So yay~

Post # 19
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s truly a lovely ring. 

But so much of this depends not just on age but where you are in your lives. If you’re young and just starting out, still in school etc, then I think a promise ring (“pre-engagement ring”) is really sweet. 

If you’re older or have children together or own a home together and you’re waiting for an engagement, then I think a promise ring is more of a ‘shut her up’ ring than a sweet symbol for the future. 

I’m hoping it’s the former. 

Post # 22
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

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Anniie_spence :  did he propose to you when he gave you this ring? If not than it isn’t an engagement ring. You said you guys plan to get officially engaged next year so the ring he proposes with is going to be your engagement ring. The ring is beautiful but I don’t think it’s really an engagement ring if he didn’t propose to you with it. 

Post # 23
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

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Anniie_spence :  oh now I see that you said it’s a stand in until you can upgrade in the future. You’re kind of saying two different things. That it’s a pre engagement ring and you’ll get officially engaged next year, and now it is an engagement ring and you’re going to upgrade when you have a chance. 

Post # 25
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

How exciting! My Maid/Matron of Honor was given a promise ring (or pre-engagement ring) by her boyfriend when we were in college. She’s worn it ever since and loves it. My fiancé and I did not do that, but I think it’s sweet that they did. Unfortunately, in his case, he wasn’t able to upgrade her ring because the jewelers misled him about it, but he will be buying her an actual engagement ring soon. smile 

Post # 26
Member
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

If you’re engaged it’s yourncurrent engagement ring? 

Post # 27
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

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Anniie_spence :  oh okay I see. Yeah then it would be an engagement ring until you get it upgraded. Congrats 🙂 

Post # 28
Member
7224 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Pre- engagement is not a thing to me. But I also didn’t think promise rings were a thing until I went to college in a small town where they were very common. So…

Your ring is beautiful, though, and it’s exciting that you and your SO have a plan that you’ve discussed and you know how things are moving forward. I think that’s what a lot of the women who are waiting on these boards would like- some clarity about a plan.

Post # 29
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2022 - Tinley Park, Illinois

My fiancé gave me a gold band with 6 little diamonds in it for Christmas in 2015 and told me he wanted to spend forever together. He didn’t actually propose until October 2016. I wear my promise ring on my right hand and then engagement ring on the left. Your ring is lovely! Congratulations 

Post # 30
Member
5987 posts
Bee Keeper

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Anniie_spence :  My ex gave me a promise ring.  We didn’t stay together obviously.  But I liked the thought of it.  My husband and I got married so quickly there was no need to have a promise ring.

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