Post # 1
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Fiance and I do not speak to our parents. (due to- among other things- their mental illness, alcoholism, drug use, criminal behavior, and being in and out of jail)
Is it possible to have a wedding without them finding out? We do not want them there under any circumstance, but I do want to have a local wedding, however small. Even if it was very very small, I want a specific venue I love.
Do you think it is possible?
Post # 3
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
I think it’s possible, but it depends. Do they live locally? Would you have guests at your wedding (or vendors) who are likely to speak to your parents? I imagine the smaller your wedding, the easier it would be to keep it a secret from your parents.
Post # 4
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
I think it is totally possible. If you have concerns about specific people saying something, I would mention to them that you would prefer nothing was said. As I recall you changed your date. Did you also change the venue or is it the same? Depending on how much you broadcast that things have changed, your family might not have a clue. If you are really concerned about it, invite the people you want to be there for a “rehearsal” or some such and have it be the real deal, then cancel what your family thinks is the wedding after you have your celebration. Does that make sense? The vendor might also have some ideas for you. I’m sure this isn’t the first time they have had a client who needed to keep some people out!
If there is security on site, you could also direct them not to let family in.
Good luck. I know this has been quite an ordeal for you.
Post # 5
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
Something to think about- when you hire any vendor, make sure you give them a “password” that will be required to make any changes. This will prevent someone, like say your mother, from calling them up, pretending to be you, and either making changes or canceling your plans. Be very upfront with all your vendors about the situation and make sure to have them note in your file that information about your wedding is not to be discussed with anyone but you. It may be awkward to tell them about your family situation, but they will be your best help in getting through this.
Also, you’ll have to be absolutely clear if you invite any extended family that they are not to discuss it with your parents. Tell them in no uncertain terms that if they give into to your parents, they themselves will be uninvited.
I would wait to send your invites out until no sooner than 6 weeks before the wedding, and do 4 if you can get away with it. The less time the info is out there, the better chance you have of keeping it secret. Don’t do save the dates or anything like that.
Don’t do a wedding website. Don’t put any info online that could reveal your information. If you register anywhere, use a fake wedding date (or avoid entering one in entirely if you can).
Have a contingency plan for what to do if they do show up. Will you hire security for the day of? Are you willing to call the police. It may be unlikely, but you want to plan for all possibilities.
Good luck, and I think you’re making the right decision. You can do this!
Post # 6
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Thank you for the suggestions and support. Great ideas, I will take them all into consideration. Thanks!!
Post # 7
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
It is definitely possible. My friend is getting married later this year and is not inviting her mother for similar reasons. Beware- Some people will assume your parents are invited or be nosy about why they won’t be there. You may want to let any friends/family who communicate with your parents know that your parents aren’t being included before they say something to them assuming they are coming.
An idea- have a “surprise wedding”. Invite the people that you DO want to be there for a party or get together, then once they are there- surprise! It’s a wedding. That way, there’s not even a chance of your parents finding out until after.
Post # 8
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
Something I saw on another wedding site was photos of what was going to be an Engagement Party, and then the couple decided to get married then! I think they set it up all in one week! Even the BMs didn’t know until they arrived! The photos were really fun! When everyone was present -they said they had an announcement to make-they were not getting married on Such & Such a date after all-Because they were getting married “presently”. A great surprise for the guests! 🙂
Post # 9
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
My FI’s parents will be at our reception, but I will have no parents at our reception. My dad is deceased and my mom is a jerk..
We’re having a very small wedding, with just 3 of us there. I know my dad will be there with me in spirit, as will my grandparents too.
