Post # 1
My FI’s twin brother has kicked himself out three times so far… it started that we weren’t going to have children at the reception so he kicked himself out, we gave him some time to cool down to see if it was his final decision..
He rang us to chat which ended in him telling us that our nephews hate us (which is a lie, we spoke to the kids & they were fine) but said he would still like to be in the wedding, then to kick himself out the very next day!! it’s so hard, it just seems like he’s trying to manipluate us into getting his own way…. it was a very stressful 6 weeks, i was crying every day because just when i thought it couldn’t get any worse, it would! … i’ve made a mental note to stop saying that…
we try to speak to my FI parents about it, but they tell us “don’t worry about it, they’ll get over it” which is just beyond my mind, why should i feel like this because they’re throwing a hissy fit ? what are we supposed to say … sorry you kicked yourself out the wedding ? sorry that we wanted to have our wedding our way ? anyway it went calm on that front for a bit over a week, i finally felt excited again, bridesmaid dresses were bought and invites were designed.. FI & i went away for a weekend which was blissful… last night we get a phone call from FI best man saying that FMIL had been messaging him saying he has to change the bucks show date because FI brother will be at work (he works in the mines so it’s FIFO work, 2 weeks on, 1 week off) and she can’t believe that he would plan the bucks show with out FI Brother etc etc…
this whole time, it’s been about how the brother is feeling, not my FI, we’re not even on their radar… no one from that family has asked us how we’ve felt about it or how my FI feels that his twin brother has kicked himself out the wedding ? nothing we ever say is going to change their mind set and i’ve accepted that fact but i also cannot deal with all this crap constantly.. 5 months to the wedding and i just don’t know how i’m going to deal with more drama.. 🙁 i’m at breaking point.
Post # 2
You and your fiancé should try to take control of the situation. As hard as it may be, don’t let family members tell you what you have to do, or what’s right and what’s wrong.
If your fiancé’s twin is constantly removing himself from the party and then putting himself back in, make up his mind for him by kicking him out for good. You may get flack from fiancé’s family for it, but the bottom line is that it’s your wedding and you’re absolutely right to do it.
When it comes to his mom complaining about the bucks show — ignore her. As hard as it may be, that’s what your fiancé will have to do. Everything can’t revolve around one person, especially not a person who isn’t the bride or the groom.
I’m sorry this is happening. Take the reigns, ignore the family’s nonsense, make your decisions and stick to them, and don’t fall for their “family” guilt.
Post # 3
callifornia: To be fair, I think it’s reasonable to expect that the bucks’ night is on a week when FI’s twin is home. I think you’re unnecessarily mixing two issues. The bridal party antics were unreasonable and childish (and in my opinion, would have been solved if your FI never let him back in the bridal party after he dropped out), but there’s no need to escalate things by excluding him from the bucks’ party.
Post # 4
it’s not that we are trying to exclude him, he’s not home at the right time, he’s home new years eve weekend or australia day weekend, both extremely busy weekends… the best man has planned and booked things already for a weekend that a majority of the people invited could make and my FI has told him to not change it just to suit one person.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that he’d take time off considering that he took two weeks off for his cousins bucks and another two off for his cousins wedding. <br /><br />He is no longer in the wedding, no matter what…. although he’s still telling other family members that he is in the wedding (something weird going on with that)
I’m so close to just losing it and telling everyone that if they cannot be happy for us then simply don’t bother to come. I probably am getting all mixed up, it just seems like every week there’s a different issue popping up with his brother and it’s pushing me to my limit.
Post # 5
callifornia: Don’t explode at FI’s family! Your FI should be the main one handling them. If someone complains to you, tell them to talk to him, then repeat to yourself, “They’re not my problem, they’re not my problem”.
I’m not sure I agree with your FI’s approach to the bucks’ party, but in the end, he knows his brother best. It sounds like you’re backing your FI’s decision, which is exactly the right thing to do.
Post # 6
haha yes the number 1 reason i haven’t exploded was because i agree that it has to be FI that does all the communiating in this instance.
i know it probably seems weird but there’s a huge back story which includes his brother breaking my FIs previous relationship which ended in FI not speaking to him for over a year, FSIL not speaking to me at family events just because they go through phases of liking me and then not liking me, FBIL & FSIL hacking email accounts to read private things… list goes on. <br />i personally believe that there has to be a bigger underlying issue to warrent his behaviour, i’m not sure if its he feels he’s losing his twin ? or that maybe they don’t think he should be marrying me, but whatever it is it feels like they don’t want us to be happy.