Has anyone else had this problem????

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
11648 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Great advice from PP re breaking it down into smaller segments of choices.  

I would also use a Gantt chart so demonstrate the need to make decisions so far in advance. X variable is dependent upon y variable, and y variable had to be nailed down by z time. 

Its visual in a way that helps people who aren’t project oriented see how many balls are in the air and why you need to plan in advance.

Post # 19
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Chula Vista Golf course

I could’ve written this post! Except we agreed on THIS summer and he is indecisive af. I’m going to take the 3 date approach listed above and see what we can do. Sheesh. Men. 🙄

Post # 22
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

In my relationship, I am the planner. Darling husband likes to do things spontaneously which isn’t always a good idea! I do all the research and come up with a couple of options. Sometimes I just come up with the best option. I present it to him and he “spontaneously” says “yes” to what I have picked. I ask him for feedback along the way, too. 

Last vacation, I looked and looked at places to stay. I did all the research. I sent him a link to one place that I really liked. He said that it looked great and we should book it. He wasn’t interested in seeing anything else because he doesn’t like the “deliberate” about options. 

We did this with our wedding, too. I came up with some options. I did the research. I told him about our options. He picked one of them. Done. We had a wedding date and venue, lol. 

Post # 23
Hostess
8547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

tiff0519 :  If he isn’t naturally ever a decision maker I can see why he hasn’t suddenly had a personality transplant just because you are engaged. I am the planner in our relationship, I always will be and that is fine because it is my strength. He has others. Maybe make peace with the fact you will have to make / present all the key decisions etc. 

Post # 24
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee

I highly recommend you put your guest list together before you finalize your venue and date – for size and to clear the date with your VIPs.

Post # 25
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

This doesn’t necessarily have to be a massive deal. I think maybe sitting down with your Fiance and saying something like:

“I think the timescale you have suggested with the amount of free-time we have available is unrealistic. Weddings need a lot of input in advance, and you don’t have the time to commit to that right now. Why don’t we choose an autumn or winter date, when you can be fully engaged in the process. I would enjoy it if we could both be involved in the planning, and am unwilling to do it all alone.”

He’ll either say A) I hadn’t thought of it like that, I’ll pull my weight to make a summer wedding happen, or B) agree to a later date and you can do it together then. Everybody wins?

 

Addittional info: I am currently finishing grad school and also planning a wedding. I don’t advise it, it’s really hard to give each the attention it deserves.

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