Has anyone else lost ‘friends’ through the wedding process?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Both Fiance and I have actually lost SEVERAL friends throughout this process.  They say that weddings bring out the worst in some people, and they’re sadly right.  I do also think that a lot of it has to do with age, however.  I’m slightly older than Fiance, but he’s in his mid-late 20’s.  I think it’s just a big transitioning time for lots of people his age, and growing up sometimes involves growing apart.  It’s been really hard on him.

Post # 5
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m going through this right now. One of my bridesmaids that I thought would always be there for me…isn’t. She was supposed to help host my bridal shower a few weeks ago, but she texted me the night before saying she was in the middle of family drama and couldn’t make it. Pictures showed up on facebook for a brief moment last week proving that she blew off the shower to go to a football game with her boyfriend. Who does that?? AND lies about it?? She left the other hostesses in a bind and I felt awful for everyone involved. She still doesn’t know that I know.

To be honest, I’m not sure how our friendship will function after all the wedding stuff is said and done. We’ll just have to see. Fiance is 31 and says around my age (mid-late 20s) he went through the same things…friendships change and like futuremrsmaista said, weddings can bring out the worst in people. 

Post # 6
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I had a really close friend for the past 4 years or so who I am no longer in contact with because of the wedding.  I didn’t have her in the bridesmaid because she had had a baby a few months before and I knew that it would be less stressful for her to just come to the wedding and enjoy.  Well she did not RSVP or come to the wedding.  She lives about 10 miles from the venue and has her family and husbands family that could have watched her 2 kids.  When I sent her a text asking if she was going to make it- she said “I am trying to figure out how I can do that since my husband has to work.”  I never heard back from her and I was a a bit confused and hurt.  So about 4 months later she left a message asking how married life was and if my husband could come over and do some work at their house????  I didn’t call back (Yes I can be stubborn.).  Just last week she sent a facebook message saying “I hear you are pregnant- when are you due?  Tell me all about it.”  I again was like “Huh?  I haven’t spoke to you in 8 months.”  So I just haven’t responded.  Maybe I am being childish but I consider the friendship over.  I have let friends walk on me in the past and I am done with that chapter in my life.

Post # 7
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@misspeanut: WOOOOOOOOW i’d totally call her out on that. “so, how was that football game?”

yep, i went through it too! first was my supposed BFF who claimed the Maid/Matron of Honor spot (i never asked her) then ignored me entirely for 8 months. when i finally got her on the phone, i gave it to her straight and she acknowleged what a shitty friend she’d been but still didn’t even come to the wedding. i haven’t talked to her since a few weeks before the wedding when i asked if she was coming. 2nd was one of my bridesmaids – she didn’t come to the rehearsal because her husband said they had “too much to do”. umm… excuse me? the only thing i required the whole time was be at the rehearsal/dinner & the wedding. i bought the dresses, shoes, accessories, invited her kid, lent her my makeup, etc and they’re “too busy” when neither of them have jobs and are staying at her mom’s house? too busy for free dinner even? i was really hurt. i’ve been pushing past it but it’s still a sore spot for me because she was my “difficult” bridesmaid and i feel like i did everything to accomodate her but she gave me trouble all along the way and this was just the straw that broke the bride’s back!

Post # 8
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yes this happened to me. A friend who I thought would be there for me was a bridesmaid in my wedding. She made hardly any effort, showed no enthusiasm and I was and am really hurt by the whole thing. I still speak to her but in my mind the ‘friendship’ is changed forever and I see her more as an aquiantance now. So sad but weddings show you people’s true colours.

Post # 9
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

On our wedding day my bm got drunk early in the day, started complaining and bossing everyone around and acting inappropriately, called me ridiculous and made me cry, made tons of people uncomfortable, gave a really awkward speech during which she even called herself an asshole who doesn’t give speeches, and overall she was really over the top on the day of our wedding. People who had just met her were saying that they couldn’t believe I was friends with someone like that. He own daughter said to me “I dont know why my mom is being like that.”

 Granted, she did come all the way to Mexico for our wedding and I know I wasn’t a perfect friend to her in the past; in fact this friendship probably should have fizzled awhile ago as I think it’s pretty toxic. 

We had been friends for 15 years, but now we have only talked a handful of times since the wedding which was in May and things aren’t the same. I think you just have to move on from certain friendships and make your new life with your husband and the people who genuinely want to be in your life and who support you and vice versa. As I get older I don’t like to “cut” people out per say, but I do believe that you can come to a conclusion about who are your true friends and who should remain acquaintances.

Post # 10
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

On our wedding day my bm got drunk early in the day, started complaining and bossing everyone around and acting inappropriately, called me ridiculous and made me cry, made tons of people uncomfortable, gave a really awkward speech during which she even called herself an asshole who doesn’t give speeches, and overall she was really over the top on the day of our wedding. People who had just met her were saying that they couldn’t believe I was friends with someone like that. He own daughter said to me “I dont know why my mom is being like that.”

 Granted, she did come all the way to Mexico for our wedding and I know I wasn’t a perfect friend to her in the past; in fact this friendship probably should have fizzled awhile ago as I think it’s pretty toxic. 

We had been friends for 15 years, but now we have only talked a handful of times since the wedding which was in May and things aren’t the same. I think you just have to move on from certain friendships and make your new life with your husband and the people who genuinely want to be in your life and who support you and vice versa. As I get older I don’t like to “cut” people out per say, but I do believe that you can come to a conclusion about who are your true friends and who should remain acquaintances.

Post # 11
Member
5181 posts
Bee Keeper

So far I have lost 2. 1 was prior to wedding planning but very close and the second was right in the middle. I am sad that things had to happen the way that they did but not sad that they actually happened. I want people who are going to surround me with positive energy..not just take pos energy from me. I feel like both relationships were pretty toxic and should have died out a while ago. The first was a flake.. and pretty disrespectful. The second was always complaining about someone.. her friends.. her family.. her boyfriend. Her friends were never good enough for her.. and pretty much not on her level (I guess this means me too)..and by this I mean.. their house wasnt big/nice enough.. their behavior of cheating on their boyfriends/husbands were disgusting.. oh and the only good things she ever said about her boyfriend was that he has money and sex. But you know, every coin has 2 sides. I am glad to be rid of them.

Post # 13
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I lost a real close friend actually, it wasnt wedding related though. I sold her my moms old car for 1/4 the price, never heard of her since. Everytime I message her about having lunch or something shes “busy” driving her big sister around, or too busy driving around and “cant text” .. lol so I gave up on her.

Post # 14
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’ve definitely lost one and been disappointed in a few.  I actually had to ask a Bridesmaid or Best Man to step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man because she was being so awful throughout the other process.  She was gracious about it and has told a lot of our mutual friends she’s glad to be let off the hook.  It doesn’t matter what she does, our friendship will never be the same.  I’ll be cordial when I run into her at events, but that’s about the scope of it.

Post # 15
Member
6823 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yes and no, I did.  Basically our friendship was winding down before  the wedding as it was.  The last straw was when I asked each of the girls that I am good friends to be a part of the wedding. Two were BM’s and I asked the other two to be personal attendants. The one, she felt betrayed because I didn’t have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, since we had known each other for over 20 years and I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding.  I didn’t ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man because our friendship was not like it used to be and felt we were not close anymore. But I wanted to include everyone in the wedding.

She at first said yes than messaged me later declining the PA spot and wasn’t to supportive of anything.  She did come to the bridal shower, bach party and the wedding however. But I haven’t talked to her since other than saying Happy Birthday to each other via text last month and this month

Post # 16
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think I’ve ‘lost’ her quite yet, but my relationship with one of my BFFs is on the rocks, for sure. She thinks I’ve ‘backstabbed’ her by not having her as a part of my bridal party, despite the fact that she’s 4 provinces away, and the last time I talked to her about my wedding plans, she referred to everything as “stupid” and said that “[she’d] never do anything like that“.

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