(Closed) Has anyone else lost ‘friends’ through the wedding process?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Unfortunately, I am dealing with the same situation. I asked my best friend, C, of seventeen years to be my maid of honor. C was honored and moved to tears! A quick backstory on C: she has been with a terrific guy for a year now, but she is sort of an anti-marriage rebel. She wants to settle down in a few years when she turns 35.

A few odd moments have happened between us lately:

I just started to plan for the big day recently and I asked her for her opinion on a few color schemes. Before I could even get out a word, she interrupted me with not being able to help me because she is afraid I would copy her. (I would never, ever do such a thing!) She began telling me that she wants an all white wedding and also began sharing different color schemes that she wants to use, and mentioned every color of the rainbow. I never even received an answer to my original question as she changed the subject immediately. Fast forward to a few weeks, she asked if I decided on my color scheme and I told her that it was gold with hints of pinks and creams. She then said that was the color she wanted her wedding to be, gold, and became very quiet and ended the conversation after that.

I sent her links of potential beautiful Maid/Matron of Honor dresses in the $100-$150 dollar price range. She then sends me back a link for a dress in the $300+ dollar price range. Had she been covering the cost, this would be fine, but C is unemployed and I am covering the costs for everything she needs for the wedding. I then suggested to her that the dresses in this one boutique nearby are just as beautiful and are in a more affordable price range. She wouldn’t have any of it as she kept insisting to wear this $ 300 dress. “It’s perfect!”! “It’s THE one!”, she exclaims. I feel hurt that she is not being very considerate toward my budget.

The last time we spoke a few weeks ago, she asked me to log onto David’s Bridal so I can view the wedding dresses that she selected for HER wedding (she is not even engaged!). She then started to claim dresses and told me that she plans on trying wedding dresses too during my bridal appointment. Unsure of what to say, I just complimented her taste. I was also honest with her and told her that, earlier, I was eyeing the same champagne beaded dress that she just picked out. She became extremely quiet again and rushed off the phone. We haven’t spoken since!

I always hear of how weddings can change the people around you from family members to close friends, but you never really think it can happen to you. I am still baffled by her odd behavior because she doesn’t seem like herself. If the competiveness continues, I am not sure what I will do.

Post # 48
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I lost my best friend of 14 years when she got married. So many things went wrong. She became a person I didn’t know anymore, a total bridezilla. Then, her sister, the Maid/Matron of Honor, wanted all of us BMs to pay into a $3,000 wedding shower at the local country club, and I was put on the blacklist because I was the only one being vocal about how ridiculously expensive it would be (all of the BMs but me were students and I had a low-paying job at the time). All of the sudden I went from being the bride’s best friend to a tolerated acquaintance.

To be fair, I’m sure it didn’t help that I was having trouble being enthusiastic about her wedding because I couldn’t figure out why she was marrying the guy, who was 100% not her usual type but had a good job and seemed like an out just so she could have someone to bankroll her dreams of being a beauty salon owner.

In the end I tried as hard as I could to keep the friendship going, but a few months later she stopped talking to me, and I was so very hurt by that that I considered the friendship over. She tried to get back in touch with me and play it off that she had just been really busy…but I know her better than that. I have not talked to her or seen her for about two yeras now and although I heavily mourned the death of that friendship, I have moved on with the friends who truly love and care about me.

Post # 49
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i’m not close anymore either…my best friend from day one of engagement wasn;t happy for me. She is more of a really good friend who supports others when things are down, but has a hard time being happy for me. i made her my Maid/Matron of Honor and i dont know how our relationship will turn. i think we’ve just outgrown each other it’s as simple as that..

Post # 50
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I haven’t “lost” any friends yet, but some of my friendships are shifting for sure.  The ones I am closest to that I thought would be there for me the most aren’t, and the ones I least expected to be there for me are the most supportive. 

Definitely re-evaluating some friendships.

Post # 51
Member
1594 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I no longer speak to a good friend/bridesmaid.  she was planning her wedding the same time as mine and we worked together in the same office.  she was sweet and we got along great until she started spreading rumors about me and telling people things I had told her in confidenceas a way to get back to me because I didn’t add her as a bridesmaid.  The rumors got nasty and it started to affect my job so I added her as a bridesmaid to make it stop.  She spent our entire wedding telling our guests (all close friends and family) these rumors (which no one believed, thank goodness) and it went more downhill from there. I ended up transferring locations and completely ignored everything going on (which is hard!!).  It was a difficult year but I got over it and got out of it but she is a deceitful, conving b**** and she’s got to live with herself the rest of her life. 

Post # 52
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Weddings unfortunately do shine a bright light on people’s true colors. Some come out much more beautiful than you knew, and others show their ugly awful side. So I do think it’s natural to re-evaluate things with people.

I do think it’s worth mentioning though that age/maturity level/experience plays a big part in all of this. Some people are naturally more mature and logical, and check their emotions before they react, and others don’t master this until later in life. I don’t think it’s a great idea to be hasty and stop being their friend because you realized the two of you are on different pages (I’m not suggesting that you did that, I’m just using it as an example because I read threads like that a lot). Sometimes you have to just take an emotional step back and let someone catch up to you when you’re ready, because you can’t force someone to think how you think. 

Also, keep in mind that you definitely want people you care about to support you…but no one cares about your wedding as much as YOU do. I read a lot of threads/comments where brides just have really lofty expectations of just about everyone, and they are constantly let down because they perceive negativity/apathy from someone or everyone. Just make sure that isn’t you before you re-evaluate your friendship!!

Post # 53
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@SimplyChic11:  when i got engaged my best friend since i was 4 was so happy and ready to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, well then she got engaged herself with someone she really didnt know for very long. anyways long story short she fell out of my life and we just stopped talking completely, she was my sons godmother and pretty much a sister to me, now we havnt talked in about a year so i think people just change sometimes bc i thought i would have her as a friend for ever but come to find out she was never really my friend.  deff sucks to find out that someone you trusted with things that you would never trust anyone else with.

Post # 54
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yup, I lost my best friend of 20 years. I was there for her when it was her turn, and she was completely caught up in the hype, and when it was my turn…she did jack all nothing for me. Couldn’t have cared less. She showed it over and over, bring rude and unavailable and unresponsive. She upset me so much during the planning process but I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt and because of our history couldn’t imagine not having her in my wedding. She basically showed up, got her picture taken, stiffed us for a gift, and then promptly ended our friendship the next day telling me never to contact her again, blaming me for being too caught up in my wedding. Oh and after 20 years of friendship she dumped in a 4 line email, and blocked me from all communication. Drastic much? HEARTLESS. It was just pure and simple, cold and heartless.

And now she shows up in my dreams all the time, my subconscious trying to process getting that royallly screwed over I guess. It hurt me very deeply.

Post # 54
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
alyssa742:  Hi. I know this post is old & I now believe u should always separate friendship & money but I understand that u did her a favor with the car & the least she could pretend to do is show u some gratitude. I’m pretty sure they’d do so for a job but ppl like that are just so entitled. I’ve recently lost a friend over a lack of courtesy at my wedding.

Post # 55
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I knew 2  “friends’ for 15 years and they both burned me regarding my wedding. The first was my “best friend” of 15 years and other was a friend.  One was a maid of honor and the other was just a bridesmaid. They showed ZERO enthusiasm for my wedding plans and only reluctantly accepted the offer to be in my wedding party. 7 months would pass and 6 weeks before my wedding my “best friend” reveals to me and my then fiance that they she wasn’t enthusiastic because she thought my marriage would fail.  Can you believe that?  It goes a lot deeper than that, she has feelings of resentment towards me because over the years her family “adopted” me and did a lot of favors for me. So really, she didn’t want me to have access to her family and tried to sabotage my wedding party.  Needless to say, neither girls attended my wedding and I am no longer friends with either of them. Good riddens. 

Post # 56
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is a super old that’s been bumped, but this topic has been on my mind.

I have one long-time friend in particular from whom I’m growing apart. It has nothing to do with the wedding. She was a great friend for a long time. A few years ago, she got divorced and went politically wild. She became negative against everything, as she embraced the activist lifestyle in her new town. We saw each other regularly and were in touch. Over the past year, however, I get the feeling that FH and I are far too “establishment” for her tastes. She doesn’t reach out or respond to my attempts to reach out, but she’s fairly active on social media so I know she’s alive and well. Her political views have gotten in the way of her friendships with our mutual friends.

So, as we developed the guest list, I just wasn’t that enthusiastic about including her. I know not inviting her will be a friendship-ending move and at this point I almost don’t even care. It’s not as if she’ll notice.

Post # 57
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I just lost a friend today. We had been friends for 15 years and, last year, we both got engaged. She got the ring first but, by that time, I already knew I was getting married to my then boyfriend who had already asked my dad for my hand. She announced her religious ceremony would be at certain date and then, when I got the ring, I announced mine (2 months before hers). I didn’t want to wait that long to get married and also, she picked a date that was a year and 3 months far from her engagement date, so I guess you can all imagine I wasn’t going to set my date after hers. Then, I had to move my date since the venue I’m getting married is a garden and they told me the date I picked would be really windy and, since my mother has lung ephycem I didn’t hesitate about moving my date. I ended up moving it forward so it was 3 weeks before my ex-friend’s. I thought I needed to have a certain courtesy with her and I decided to tell her before all the other girls in my group of friends that I had moved wedding date to a little bit closer to hers. So when I told her, she said she had planned her legal marriage to be the day before that and that I had to move my wedding. I said no for a lot of reasons but mainly because by the time I told her I had already spoken to my family and my boyfriend’s, so it wasn’t moveable. Well… she really got mad even though I had no idea she had planned another wedding celebration for that day (she hadn’t told anyone!!). Well, I tried to speak to her and basically begged her to not let the weddings be a reason for our friendship to end, but she just couldn’t stop acting like a bridezilla… Later I found out she was talking bad about me and saying I envied her and that I was doing it all on purpose to make her wedding be terrible. That’s just so not true! I want her to have the wedding of her dreams and to be happily ever after but I also want to have mine and I don’t see a reason why any of our weddings should be less important than the other’s. Well, she desinvited me from her bridal shower and wedding, and yesterday I decided to try one more time with her and sent her a message trying to solve things (I don’t know why I had so much faith in her) but it ended up being worse… She replied with such a cold-hearted note and left me in tears. I’m so sad to see how people can be so self-centered during a wedding process. 🙁

Post # 58
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2016

So I know this board is super old, but I have to vent my frustration. My good friend of 20 years has basically MIA since right after my engagement. After my Fiance proposed she seemed all excited and we skyped ASAP (I’ve lived overseas for 12 years), telling me she wouldn’t miss my wedding for the world. She got married 5 years ago and I was her Maid/Matron of Honor – I planned her bachelorette party from the other side of the world and flew in to town a couple of weeks before her wedding to help with last minute preparations. All was fine, I did a great job helping and she was a great bride (not a bridezilla at all).

I told her on skype that while I’d love to have her as my Maid/Matron of Honor as well, I’m having a traditional Greek Orthodox wedding in which the Maid/Matron of Honor has to be Greek Orthodox (she isn’t), and am therefore having my sis as Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m also not having any bridesmaids, in typical Greek fashion as well. She seemed ok with it, b/c honestly, if I were to have any kind of bridal party, she’d be in it for sure. So I really didn’t think that would be an issue, but I’m not so sure anymore.

 

When I emailed her for her address to send the save the date (a month after the engagement), she messaged me a month later – very atypical of her. Since then, she has not bothered answering any of the facebook messages she’s been sent about wedding planning. She’s the only one out of my friends who hasn’t replied to my bachelorette thread. She’s the only one who hasn’t responded in another group message about what neighborhood they’d like to stay in here in Athens. She also didn’t even bother replying to a private message from my sister asking if she’ll be part of the bachelorette. All this while being VERY active on facebook, posting pictures and checking in everywhere. I really can’t understand what’s going on. I wish she would just say she can’t make it – I really wouldn’t be upset because I know travelling overseas is an expensive hassle and she may not be able to take off from work. Any kind of acknowledgment would have been fine – but now my wedding is 2 months away and still, nothing. We’ll see if she even RSVPS in the end. After 20 years of friendship, I find this a ridiculous way to act, and I don’t think I”ll ever stop being confused. I really don’t understand what I did wrong 🙁

Post # 59
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I didn’t lose any friends during my wedding but was in a wedding where I and the bridesmaids weRe alienated by the bride. It’s actually super sad because we were all best friends from high school so to lose the bride as a friend really sucked. We were all super excited to be part of her wedding but she didn’t really include us in any of the normal wedding activities like dress shopping and planning. Which is fine, totally her choice.

The maid of honor threw a bridal shower and invited friends and family but only the friends came and none of the family RSVP’d which is super annoying. Turned out someone in her family threw a bridal shower for her the weekend before and the bride knew but didn’t bother to tell the Maid/Matron of Honor. It’s not uncommon to have multiple showers but the Maid/Matron of Honor might not have invited the family if she knew they were throwing their own shindig . 

 

The day of the wedding, I was doing hair and another girl was doing makeup, it was 3 hours till the wedding at this point. The bride came and said she need our help setting some stuff up. When we got outside they had piles of chairs and a ton of tables that all needed to be moved in 100 degree heat. The groomsmen and groom were all hanging out in another room so we asked why they weren’t helping and the bride said “they are bonding”. We had like an hour to get 9 people ready by the time we were all done.

The wedding itself was actually really fun and everything went super smooth.

When it was over she says “can you stay and help my parents clean up”. She’s saying this as the groomsmen and everyone else were already driving away. The wedding was at her Mother in laws house but the Mother-In-Law refused to clean up. The whole place was completely trashed so we just took off. which makes is jerks but we were pissed at that point. The bride’s parents had us all by lots of stuff for the wedding and asked up to give them the receipts, they took the receipts but we never saw the money and the mom would change the subject as soon as it was brought up.

And that was it, I had literally never talked to her again. The Maid/Matron of Honor, another bridesmaid and I are still all best friends but the bride cut off friendships with us because she said it wasn’t  appropriate to have friends who weren’t married. The Maid/Matron of Honor had to actually go to her house unannounced just to be able to get back items the bride had borrowed because the bride refused to return her calls. 

 

Omg this was so long haha.

 

The Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids were in my wedding and everything went amazing and we are all still very good friends. 

Post # 60
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Lolasmomma:  Good for you, girl! You did the right thing. Life’s too short to waste with such ‘friends’. 

The topic ‘Has anyone else lost ‘friends’ through the wedding process?’ is closed to new replies.

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