(Closed) Has anyone else lost ‘friends’ through the wedding process?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
388 posts
Helper bee

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betsy0922:  That is unbelievably childish, rude and just wrong. I find that, as someone already said, weddings often bring the worst out of people. 

I know you must be feeling very hurt, but try to ignore it and enjoy the wedding planning and all the exciting moments coming up. 

I’m Eastern Orthodox (Bulgaria), so I really get what you’re going through. Might be difficult for someone outside our traditions to understand. But if she’s a true friend, later she’ll have huge regret over acting like this. In that case she’ll come crawling back and apologize. If not, don’t waste a second of your time thinking or worrying about her. 

Post # 62
Member
388 posts
Helper bee

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ItsmeKT:  Wow…what a bitch. I can’t believe how she and her family acted. What a*holes. You’re better off without her, of course. It’s shocking when ‘friends’ suddenly change or show their true colors like that. But they’re also doing us all a favor. 

Post # 63
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I don’t see how you can lose friends through wedding planning unless you have unrealistic expectations. Don’t give them jobs. Pre-wedding parties are optional.

If they act different because you’re getting married, that’s a different story.

Post # 64
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Getting married this month.

My ex-maid of honor had been my best friend of over 10 years. We were such good friends that she had literally flown to another continent to visit me, and I had made many trips to visit her when she had lived outside the US. We were like sisters.

I asked her to be my maid of honor a few months after I got engaged 2 years ago; she (seemingly) accepted enthusiastically. 

She then proceeded to never talk to me ever again. Completely ghosted. She lived across the country from me, so it wasn’t like I could actually see her. I tried so many times to reach out to her, until eventually, after months of silence, I booted her from the wedding. I told her, “If you can’t even bother to respond to me, I’m not sure how you can be in our wedding.” To this day, I have no idea why she stopped talking to me. I even tried to reach out to her boyfriend after the fact (a guy who had known us both in high school), explained the situation to him, and he was equally confused and said she was doing fine. 

I’ve cried about it a lot, and I still miss her dearly, but in the end, I’m glad she isn’t involved anymore. It would have been too hard logistically if she had pulled this later on in the wedding. Heartbreaking. Worse than a breakup, IMO. We had shared so much, and then all of a sudden she was just… gone. 

Weirdly, a similar thing happened to a groomsman– he stopped talking to the Fiance, and we had to kick him out too!

Might I add, we’re really non-confrontational, un-dramatic people, so I’m not sure why we had so much drama. 

However, I take solace in the fact that I’m getting MARRIED to my best friend 🙂

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by inyoureyes89.
Post # 65
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

A close friend and I had a huge falling out, ironically over someone else’s wedding… well bachelorette party. To add some context we were friends for years but then she started dating her now Fiance (if they’re still together, I don’t know) and constantly started blowing everyone off for him.  Whenever they got in a fight and he left (which was so frequent it honestly happened at least once a month) I was allowed back in her life but once he came back she would simply ignore me. 

Theyve been engaged for a long time and she’s getting frustrated that they haven’t set a date or anything. Another somewhat mutual friend of ours asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I did not ask her to be part of my wedding party because I simply didn’t fee we were that close. One night she gets drunk and texts me at 1AM on a night I have to go to bed early and get to work early the next day, moaning about how upset she was that I didn’t use her. I brush her off and try to make her feel better as usual but inside I am seething.

Flash forward a few months after (my Fiance is just out of the hospital a few weeks and has struggled with drinking in the past) and she invites me to our mutual friends bachelorette party the night of. I am already drinking and Fiance is asleep. I tell her this, I cannot drive. She wants me to wake him up to drive me 45 min away to be her security blanket. I lost my shit because of the circumstances (FI was in the hospital three months etc. He is still not well, why would I wake up a person who has trouble sleeping so she won’t have to feel so insecure?)

i don’t know what it was but ever since Fiance and I jumped into our wedding planning she was always hostile, saying mean things about what I had planned, always crying to me about her life whenever she called only seemed to get worse after the engagement. Bachelorette parties seemed to send her super over the edge. 

Post # 66
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

I lost one not-super-close friend and my relationship with my MOH/BFF has dramatically changed. 

Not super close friend: We were on a mission team together in 99/00. Basically this meant we spent every waking moment together for 9 months. My team stayed really close, though some more than others. We had a reunion 5 years ago and it was great. This friend (we’ll call her C) had some kind of drama with her husband a few months before the reunion. She wouldn’t go into detail, but it resulted in him going to jail for the night and her in-laws helping her and the kids move cross-country to live with her sister. They started reconciling right before the reunion and are now back living together and have another kid. 

Anyway- the mission was religious. I am still active in the church but my husband isn’t. We made the decision to have a secular wedding with all our friends and family and then have the marriage blessed privately with just our parents. After receiving her invitation C apparently went Facebook diving and saw “all this gay stuff” on my page (really, just a couple posts celebrating the demise of DOMA). She messaged me asking why I had that and why I wasn’t getting married in a church and am I still Catholic….. I answered calmly and briefly. Basically said the wedding decision was what was best for my Fiance and I and that we’d be having the marriage blessed in private. And as for the “gay stuff”, she’s always known I’m an ally of the gay community and should know that several gay people and their families will be at my wedding. I said if any of that wasn’t something she could handle she shouldn’t come. She kept coming back with really personal questions and I kept replying the same way. She finally sent this LOOOOONG message that I didn’t even read. I just scanned it until I found “…and so for those reasons my family and I will be unable to attend.” I replied “Great. Thanks for letting me know.” and have never spoken a single word to her since. She commented on one of my wedding photos (not when I posted after the wedding, but when I changed my profile picture to one of me and Mother-In-Law at the wedding for Mother’s Day) and I just ignored it. 

 

MOH/BFF: We’ve been friends for 20 years and had ONE fight in high school. Never had any drama since, though she did run me ragged during her wedding. She went NUTS during my wedding. She was hyper critcal of everything I said or did. If I wasn’t worried about some aspect of the wedding I was “sweeping it under the rug” and “would be a stressed out mess about it at the wedding”. If I was focused on something I was “obsessing about insignificant things” (like my invitations, which I designed and made). Putting off buying my dress for a month while I looked at other options (still a YEAR before the wedding date and the dress was off the rack) meant I must be questioning my marriage. It was endless. She made me feel horrible about myself every time we talked. I tried to just focus on talking about her life but she’d always bring up the wedding and then pick everything apart.

After one particularly uncomfortable dinner, she text me saying she felt there was tension and maybe she was catching flack that was meant for someone/something else. I couldn’t take it anymore and said no, there wasn’t anything else stressing me out- she was. I told her what I said above and said it was best if we just didn’t talk about the wedding anymore. So we didn’t for like 4 months. Then it was a month before the wedding and I had to talk to her about scheduling and stuff. She had wanted to use my MUA so I confirmed that she’d be at the house in the morning and still wanted her make up done. She said she was only doing that “to be supportive and involved” and didn’t feel like doing it anymore. UM…. ok. This lead to a conversation where she basically said that I was unappreciative of all the ways she WAS supportive. I asked what I missed. She listed: she got her dress before anyone else (they all picked their own), she picked out her jewelry and asked for my opinion, she wanted my feedback on shoes (I told her at least a dozen times I didn’t care- she could wear whatever she wanted and was comfortable in), and then of course using my MUA. So… basically she was supportive by getting herself ready for a wedding. So I guess all my guests were as supportive as my BFF/MOH. 

Anyway, while we sort of resolved it, I definitely see her differently. I think her wedding and mine brought out our differences in ways they are likely not to come up again. But it was extremely painful and the only really bad memories I have about the whole process are directly related to her. I definitely see a more self-centered, selfish side to her that I was willing to ignore before all this. So our relationship is definitely different. 

Post # 67
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Not lost…but definitely realized who I was closer with!

Post # 68
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - The Meadows

I’m fairly certain we lost a set of friends. It’s a couple, and they got married two years ago, and Fiance was Best Man, I was just a guest. We helped set up, tear down, did decorations, drove them to the airport, and got them some beautiful gifts. They’re good people, just a little self-involved. I think they forget about other people a lot. When it was time to come around for us to pick bridal party, I contemplated the wife, but I simply have closer friends, and didn’t pick her. I didnt think it was a big deal. Fiance wanted to ask the husband to be a groomsman, and he asked, and got no reply. Tried calling, etc and finally after I messaged the girl, they said they’d get back to us. A week after initially asking, the husband replies that they will be starting to try to have a family in April(our wedding is next September) and it would be too much to handle. We reiterated we’re not asking much, just for the guy to stand up there, with one of his closest friends, and maybe go to a dinner the night before. He said our wedding was a point of stress and contention for the wife, and he didn’t want to choose between Fiance and his wife. We were done at that point. We’re almost certain that it’s because I didn’t pick her, and we’re taking this as finally the last straw to being treated like second rate from these “friends.”

Weddings truly bring out the worst. And the best, I think. I’ve gotten a lot closer to people, and I really have grown to appreciate help and support a lot more.

Post # 70
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I didn’t lose any friends through the wedding process but I became much closer with some. During the wedding itself there were new friendships formed between our friends that hadn’t met previously too. 

I think the fact I did not have time to get friends involved with helping or “being there for me” meant there were no expectations to fall out over during wedding planning. DH was helping ☺️

Only one friend didn’t make it to the wedding but he had a really valid reason (his grandma died) and we are still friends just the same, he brought us a very nice gift before we left for the wedding too (destination wedding).

I wasn’t entirely spared though, I’m no longer in touch with my mother. It’s her choice as our door is open and the ball is at this point in her court, she ignored the wedding photos I’ve sent her etc. I guess in some ways that may be worse than losing any friend, especially as I didn’t reject her, she cut herself out for no good reason or anything happening to logically explain it (she simply got petty and didn’t think I made the wedding about her so she decided not to attend the wedding and in our last conversation before the wedding she told me she didn’t have a daughter anymore. Ouch, mom, but that’s your self inflicted loss as I’m here and you’ll always be my mother). 

Post # 71
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I lost one of my good friends because she stopped talking to me after I didn’t choose her as a bridesmaid :))))))))) Why must some people be so dramatic

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