Post # 1
- Wedding: January 2022 - City, State
a wedding that you really didn’t want one? I have finally started planning my weding for Dec, 2016 and realized that I really don’t want one. To get married, sure, but a wedding? I’d rather just elope. I’m widowed,so its like been there, done that already.
Unfortunately, Fiance has never been married before and wants a wedding with all of the trappings. MAybe I just don’t feel like planning, I don’t know.
Has anyone else felt this way? What did you end up doing?
Post # 2
Can you ask Fiance to take over more responsibility? It’s not fair that because your the woman that you are assumed to do the work. If he wants it more than you, then he should have to do more of the planning.
Post # 3
Why not put planning the wedding on your FI’s plate in that case? If he’s the one who wants it, he could take the lead and just go to you for the ocasional input, help, or opinion? That would make it less work for you and he’d still get the wedding he’s always wanted.
In answer to your question – I think TONS of bees have started planning a wedding and have ultimately said f-it, let’s elope! I didn’t myself, but I get it. Weddings are expensive and stressful.
Post # 4
Weddings are expensive, time-consuming and stressful. I’m sure plenty of people would rather avoid them. If your Fiance doesn’t want to take primary responsibility can you hire a wedding planner? And keep it small?
Post # 5
IMO, the person who wants the fancy wedding has to plan it.
Post # 6
Hire a wedding planner if you can afford one. Mine was a god send!
Post # 7
Does he want to plan? Will he? Is there any part that YOU DO want to plan? What about any compromises? Can you choose a place that is already going to be decorated for December/Christmas, so you don’t HAVE to think about decor? If you can afford a wedding planner, or even a DOC, maybe you could hire them.
Post # 8
Yes, what they all said about having him do it, or a wedding planner . I hope, however, that
” its like been there, done that already”
is just for this board and not in front of Fiance. Can be hard enough to marry a divorcee if it’s your first, let alone a widow.
Post # 9
I’m sorry you are feeling like this bee! I would start by explaining to Fiance that while you are beyond excited to be his wife, you feel overwhelmed by the wedding planning already, and it hasn’t even started. Hopefully he will offer to pick up many of the duties. I would also look for venues where everything is already there- then you don’t have to order tables, linens, picking a caterer or baker. And maybe a place that has a view or is a bit unique so then you don’t need much decorations like you would at a plain banquet hall.
Or, another thing you could do is go to a bridal show and book it all there- don’t leave until you have your DJ, photo, florist ect picked/booked. It’s a long day, but then you don’t have to stress for months figuring out and going through tons of websites.
And what the above posters have said, if you have the funds, get a wedding planner and let them deal with the details 🙂
Post # 10
I totally felt this. My shitty family drama got in the way too and we seriously looked at eloping. But the rest of my family, his family, and our friends are too precious to not share that day with. First wedding, but still. This might not be your first wedding but it’s your first wedding with HIM.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
Me! More so for financial reasons. I just don’t have the money, nor does my family, and I don’t expect him to foot the bill by himself – he already just bought us a house. I seriously contemplated quitting my grad program to find full time work but he encouraged me to stick with it because it will pay off when I graduate. But it’s hard not having anything to contribute right now. Very hard.