(Closed) Has anyone ever dated an alcoholic? Please share your experience.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

Also, I feel compelled to tell you, that even if he stops drinking today and goes to AA tonight, that does not mean your life with him is automatically on the upswing. Alcoholics generally relapse many times before recovery really starts to stick for any decent length of time. (There are exceptions of course). 

And also, lots of people believe the alcohol is the problem and once he stops, all will be well. Not true. The alcohol is a symptom, and he is using it to cover up/avoid the problem. Getting rid of the alcohol is just the beginning. He is not necessarily gonna be some great guy when he gets sober. Plenty of people are just as miserable to live with sober as they were drunk.

You can choose to stick by him while he figures this out, but be realistic. 

Post # 32
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

brokenbee39450:  I dated someone for 2 years who was a bartender so I thought the excessive partying was part of that lifestyle. I loved him lots,  and we broke up 5 and a half years ago after I caught him doing drugs.  He is STILL drinking a lot.    Some things never change… He’s now 35.

Post # 33
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

Jaime1616:  I dated someone for 2 years who was a bartender so I thought the excessive partying was part of that lifestyle.

I got that a lot. People assumed I wanted to party at 3am when I was done or that I just want to drink and party on the 2 nights a week i didn’t work. When actually, I don’t drink. And neither does my husband (who was a regular customer because he brought his crew in for beers or was there to drum up business). I have to listen to these drunken idiots for 40+ hours a week. I have no interest whatsoever in hanging out with them on my days off. I mean, most of them are already on my last nerve by, like, 10pm wednesday ha ha.

Post # 35
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

You will realize very shortly just how much his drinking was impacting your life. Physically, mentally and emotionally. One day, very soon, you will see how much calmer and stable your life is and you will breathe a big sigh of relief and recognize that you dodged a very big bullet.

Post # 36
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

I met my wonderful Fiance because I finally left my second ex-boyfriend and was determined to find the the love of my life. Everybody adored my ex but knew he had a problem. I cried my eyes out over him. He was an immature man-child too. I’m still close friends with his mom and he hasn’t changed much, though I do believe he is drinking and doping less because he was laid-off recently.  I could not make him change nor could his young child (wasn’t my baby.) 

My first boyfriend was an alcoholic too but after I left him he married his long-time female friend and had a child. She wears the pants and as far as I know he stayed sober except for one relapse. 

Post # 38
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

Again, you’ll realize just how much denial in a very short time. 

I think it might be in your best interest to go no contact for a good while. You really need to get back to *normal* and live that normal for a decent length of time to avoid being sucked in again. Once you’ve become accustomed to normal again, you will have even more resisitance to the drinking crazy and he, and a life with him, will be so unappealing you’ll have no problem resisiting.

Good luck to you. Use this to determine to never again be in this position.

Post # 39
Member
3042 posts
Sugar bee

brokenbee39450:  Here is a different side of he spectrum…

i am dating and insanely happy with my SO who has been sober for 5.5 years! 🙂

However, i was fortunate enough to meet him 1.5 years into is sobriety. He says he would never want me to see the person he is when he drinks and i pray that i never have to. He has come a long way even since i met him. He was attending meetings morning and night. He now rarely goes, maybe a handful of times a year or whenver he needs an extra boost of support/is extra stressed.

He has come out of his shell and feels comofrtable in social settings with alochol. He handles his emotions pretty well now (which means i can actualy be the irrational one haha). BUT he has worked hard to be where he is. He realized he had a problem and although he didnt get help right away and it took him a few tries, he is finnaly living clean and sober. I am not saying this to tell yu to stay with him or even wear yourself out trying to change him, he has to want to change. Don’t bring yourseld down for someone who is not willing to bring themselves up. 

I am just saying there *can* be a life with him, a happy one. But he has to make it happen, not you and you cant put your life on hold waiting for him. I hope him moving out will give him some perscpective. i wish you all the best. You are doing the right thing. 

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