(Closed) Has anyone ever done this?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

That’s exactly what I want to scream at him! ๐Ÿ™‚

Haha… we both know and have known for awhile. So……. yeah. It’s time, dude.

We actually had a little conversation about being engaged last night and he told me he knows he wants to marry me… I give him this blank, wtf look… and he says I know, I know, it doesn’t make sense to you.. It’s just my job, I’m not where I want to be (which I totally GET, I really do)… but now I’m being punished becasue he didn’t want to go to school and get a 4 year degree.

Oh well….. I really, really hope to not be waiting for longer than 6 more months.. we’ll see.

Good luck!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 4
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

SOGOTP (sh!t or get off the pot) is basically an ultimatum saying you need to propose or leave. I don’t really believe in ultimatums but I do have what is called the SOGOTP plan- for example, my SO and I live together. If we aren’t engaged by July, then that plan gets activated. No more staying home with him at night/weekends, I will be giving him a move out warning notice and basically preparing myself to move on physically, emotionally and mentally. If he starts questioning the change (which mine are major, I am sure he will) I will say in response “We are clearly looking for 2 different things in life. I can not put my wants and needs on hold any longer for you. We need to separate ourselves from this playhouse life and find what we need to make ourselves happy.” (meaning, since you didn’t sh!t, I am taking away the pot.)

Post # 5
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@armychica06: meaning, since you didn’t sh!t, I am taking away the pot – LMAO!!  I like how you put that.  I’m in that stage right now.  My mom always says that phrase about my SO and I’ve heard it from other people too.  I wonder where it came from?  Haha.  It’s funny anyways.  I guess it makes light of any situation where you are waiting for someone to do something.  

Post # 6
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@armychica06: I don’t know if it’s really an ultimatium, I think the phrase more means, decide one way or the other, but don’t just sit there. (Literally and figuratively.) You’re not saying that YOU are going to leave, you’re telling him he’s taking too long and needs to make up his mind already.

I’d heard the phrase years ago and I really didn’t like it then–I still don’t but I certainly understand the sentiment. Boyfriend or Best Friend should make up his mind either way. Either he wants to marry me or he needs to let me go so I can find someone who does. 

Post # 7
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Well I do see it as an ultimatum- either marry me or leave, sh!t or get off the pot… I guess it is how you intepret the warning.

Instead of telling him to sh!t (propose) or telling him to get off the pot (break up/move on/etc.) I am just responding to his lack of follow through (taking the pot from him so he doesn’t have to make a decision either way).

Post # 8
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

I used it nicely during a conversation with my Boyfriend or Best Friend. I was explaining to him how I could never be one of those people who waits 10 years for their SO to figure out what they wanted and that they should really respect their partners and essentially “shit or get off the pot.” It got the point across and made a heavy subject a little more light-hearted. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

That phrase makes my jaw clench up a little bit. My ex’s family used to say it to him ALLLLLLL the time around me. It didn’t bother me until I realized what it meant. Then it hurt to hear them tell him that all the time.

Thankfully I’m done with that d-bag and moving on to greener pastures. Now if only my SO would take a giant $-hit. ๐Ÿ˜‰

@claireos: That is definitely a more “light-hearted” way of addressing the issue and helps if you’re prone to crying when bringing up the subject.

Post # 10
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@armychica06: “meaning, since you didn’t sh!t, I am taking away the pot.”

LOL!!! I first heard the phrase from my best friend. I still crack up every time I hear it.

 

Post # 11
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@armychica06: But it leaves the power in his hands. He’s the one that proposes or he’s the one that breaks up. You’re still sitting waiting for him to decide.

An ultimatum means that you’re threatening him with something. Even if you said this to a Boyfriend or Best Friend there’s no threat that anything will happen if he doesn’t follow through. 

Which is another reason that this is a somewhat useless saying. I’ve said the “nice” version of this to the Boyfriend or Best Friend before (you should decide what you want and stop keeping me on a string waiting around for you) and he…did nothing. So I’m still stuck in the same place. If I had issued an ultimatum and I followed through then I would have left. 

Post # 12
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

TOO FUNNY! I actually wrote a post a day or two ago and in it I used the term “piss or get off the pot” because I didn’t want to cuss. Yes, it’s a term and, yes, I do use it in RL sparingly. I would never tell my SO to his face to “&#!+ or get off the pot,” but we are going to be talking and that’s basically what I’m going to say though it will probably come out a lot sweeter.

Post # 13
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This phrase makes me laugh! I didn’t use it, but my friend once told me that her father told her brother – who had been dating a girl for a while – that he should sh*t or get off the pot. And it worked! He had the ring and asked her within a month.

Post # 14
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

SOGOTP doesn’t really mean anything if there is no consequence to it.

“Make a decision about marrying me, but I won’t leave you based on it” isn’t usually what people mean when they use this or a more flowery turn of phrase.

Usually, this IS a sort of ultimatum, even if the ultimatum is if you don’t propose to me I’ll be really really sad and not be happy for days/months/years, making you wonder why you’re even spending time with me…. or if you don’t propose I’m leaving to find someone who will. 

I guess asking the guy in this manner to stop dragging his feet and be honest with you migh work beased on personality types and relationship dynamics.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend almost never responds well to any kind of pushing to do tings… even things he wants to do and especially things he knows he should do, and I know I’m in the minority here because I am about 85% sure I will stay with him as long as I would were we married, even without it because I love him and understand him that much… even if I AM unhappy about not being married, I’d be more unhappy without him.  In order to get him to do anything, I’ve had to let him come to the reaization on his own, sometimes by letting him fall on his a$$ before he’d wake up.  Due to his parents’ interactions, even gently asking can sound like nagging to him, so I say things once and leave it for him to decide.  He knows how I feel.  Only in the last 4 months has he had any positive communication about marraige with me or friends, about preference of wedding type, vies on time between engagement and the wedding and that we might be there in about 2 years.  I’m not holding my breath, but I know that in our case an ultimatum of any sort would only confirm his idea that women want the ring and the party more than the man.

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