Post # 31
Go dark. Give him time to miss you.
Right now all you’re doing is giving him stress and confidence that if he decides he wants to get back together all he has to do is crook his little finger. Neither are incentive for him to get back together with you any time soon.
Go out and have fun and get on with your life. (Maybe take a time out on the booze for now). You will be happier and healthier and he will be more likely to want to get back together with a happy confident person than a walking bag of drama. (Every time an ex wanted to reunite, it was when he knew I was fine on my own.)
Post # 32
mimiMobile: I have. And we’re getting married, lol. In fairness, we started dating the first year of college. We broke up, twice. He joined the army, we both felt the pressure of having too serious of a relationship at such a young age. Both breakups were pretty horrible…I didn’t think we would ever see each other again. But here we are. We’ve been together for nearly 7 years now and we’ve both grown so much. Whatre ya gonna do, shit happens. 🙂
Post # 33
At times when you love hard you can get a little psycho…i did it it with my now Fiance, we broke up and i blocked him everywhere pretended he didnt exist for a good 2 years. If he got hold of my number i would change it, emails i spammed lol! That obviosuly hurt him a lot but i was just so mad i couldnt see anything besides red when he tried contacting me, the sad part though was it wasnt even his fault…Future Mother-In-Law issues. BUt eventually after 2 years we started talking again, my initiation. Took 3 years to build enough trust to get back together again and we recently got engaged. I think the “going dark” helped because i know for sure that i would have said and done things he wouldnt be able to move past if i had kept communication with him
i say give him distance. cut down the “stalking” behaviour and let nature take its course
Post # 34
You want to hear crazy? my very first boyfriend and I lived together but he told me one night he needed space so I said ok and went to stay at my mothers for a few nights. I came back after and everything seemed normal except somehow we both now had fleas from our bed. I thought it was strange since we didn’t have a dog but I ignored it. Next night I’m at a club with friends and this horrible random drunk girl starts telling me all about her “boyfriend”. Didn’t take long to work out she was talking about MY boyfriend of four years. Turns out he’d had sex with her in our bed and she’d given us the fleas. I was furious! So I went home drunk knowing he was out and set OUR bed on fire! Most of it was already burnt up by the time the fire fighters arrived haha. And… That prick still proposed to me a few months later after all that (I said hell no of course) and even still messages me to this very day 🙂 hope this makes you feel a little better
Post # 35
louiseey: is it wrong that i love this!? something i wish I’d have the guts to do
Post # 36
mimiMobile: Yes! My Fiance (at the time) and I went through the most sickening breakup a few months before we got married under a set of really horrible and difficult circumstances. The crux of it was that I was suffering mental health issues and he was making things harder instead of being supportive, and it all just blew up in our faces. He moved out and everything and it was just awful (I’m normally a pretty calm and rational person but there was some intense can’t-breathe-crying over the phone at 4am and some harsh truths spoken), but after a couple of weeks we were able to see things more clearly and get on a much healthier and happier path together. We’ve never looked back and been happily married for a year so far!
I’ve seen it happen with a few of my couple friends in their late 20s – it’s a funny thing. People who do get back together and last more than a few months (i.e. beyond the novely phase) seem to end up much stronger for the unpleasant experience though. In the meantime, you just have to let the dust settle though.
You sound like a real sweetheart and like you’re having a tough time. Given this massive upset in your life it’s completely understandable that you’d be feeling a bit overwhelmed and not always acting 100% your best. Try to be compassionate and gentle with yourself during this difficult time – you deserve it!
And by the way, your stunt with the teddy bear is one of the best things I’ve read on the internet all month. If you were my ex it would have taken every last little bit of resolve I had not to beg you to come back after that 😉 .
Wishing you the very best of luck!
Post # 37
louiseey: OMG this is hilarious. And what a nasty little thing…seriously, who did he take home, Pigpen?!
Anyway, OP, I have definitely shown my ass in a few breakup situations. Not quite as bad as yours, and mostly in my early 20s. I was a total nutball until I realized how to control myself and my emotions. I can tell you though, if my Fiance and I broke up, my crazy would come out in full force. I agree with the other posters though…go dark, and lay off the sauce.
Post # 38
ClaudiaKishi: Wondering the same..
How did your GPS ‘accidentally’ take you somewhere, how much did you have to drink that you a.) didn’t notice where you were going and b.) made such a scene?
If a guy rejects you multiple times, he doesn’t want you. What are you trying to accomplish with this behavior? I think its time to do some serious self-reflection and lay off the alcohol.
Post # 39
yourhandinmine: We got into a HUGE fight, and being in college, we assumed the only logical way to settle ‘huge fight’ was to break up. Because obviously fights are not healthy, right? Fights should NEVER exist in relationships!
Omg, this is the EXACT mindset my (now) fiance had the first few years we dated. He broke up with me 3 times because we would get into stupid arguments and he literally thought if you fight AT ALL, you aren’t meant to be together (such a wise 20 year old he was…).
soon2bhitched: this also sounds very similar to us. We’ve now been together almost 8 years and are getting married this september.
OP, we talked about this before! I was definitely a looney toon during our break-ups. Calling him/texting him (continuously…all day errday) begging him to take me back, driving past his house, driving past his FRIENDS houses to see who he was with, showing up unannounced demanding he talk to me, dumping everything he ever gave me in his driveway, writing him letters, once I even wrote his MOM a note. Ugh… I was SOOOO embarassingly crazy. My defense, I was only 19-20 at the time and not very emotionally stable.
We got back together everytime and just last night I said to him “aren’t you glad I was so persistant?! I’m like the little psycho-engine that could!” he and his brother just laughed. In my defense, he got a little psycho too once he realized I was starting to move on. Once I started leaving him alone and dating other people, HE became the texter/caller/begger. Once we ran into each other at a concert and he kept calling me and trying to find me (drunkenly).
We all have our moments. As a PP said, when you love hard you get a little crazy. But the best thing you can do is completely leave him alone.
Post # 40
mimiMobile: He’s my ex for a reason, and he should stay that way. I did it as well, and let me tell you, what a waste of another year. Let me tell you, all that time I spent dicking around trying to what was broken I could have met my husband sooner…so no it didn’t work for me.
Post # 41
KC-2722: I didn’t have that much to drink. It was late, I was tired, my car’s GPS was not reconfigured and I didn’t use my phone GPS. Got in the car said “Go Home” and went through the woods. I live in New Hampshire so it is all forest. It’s pretty easy to get lost on the back roads.
Post # 42
ChrissyMary9515: hi girl!! yes of course I remember!!! 🙂 the condom dumping happened this Sunday so it’s still fresh in my mind and decided to share.. he kind of laughed when he saw I took towels — literally still damp from the shower towels (I brought them back). He looked at me and asked “Do you not have any at your place?” lol.. then I brought back silverware too..
Before I left we hooked up – not all the way – and made out and we stood in a really tight hug and I said “I love you,” and he siad “I love you too, I never stopped,” and I said “You know I’m crazy about you,” and he responded with “Yeah, especially the crazy part.” lol
I don’t know it was a really psycho night but we left off with the I love yous. I need to simmer down. Maybe I should take some anti-anxiety meds.
Post # 43
mimiMobile: Ah, gotcha. To be honest, it sounded like you knew full well you were making a whoopsie and blamed it on the GPS.
Honestly, as annoying as it sounds.. If its meant to be, it will be. Just step back for a bit and chill.
Post # 44
Ladies, I just booked a 2 week trip to california to visit my family (I will be working remotely there). I needed to drop my dog off with a friend or a dog sitter. I was going to list my ex as an emergency contact since he is primarily the only person I know in the area. I was wondering if I should notify him of this or of my departure… or my reason behind why I’m going to cali (to get my act together, etc.)
Post # 45
mimiMobile: If I were you (and many bee’s will probably disagree here… hey, I’m not the best in these situations lol!) I would send him a text saying, “Look, I know I’ve been pretty crazy lately. I think it’s best I step away from the situation for a little bit. I’m going to cali for *X amount of time* and will not be in contact while there”
Leave it at that and DO NOT CALL/TEXT HIM THE ENTIRE TIME YOU ARE AWAY. I did this with my first break up. I flew to Texas and spent a week with my cousin. I left my phone at home the entire week and it was extremely theraputic for me.
I would just give the dog sitter your number and if there’s a true emergency that needs to be dealt with, you can call your ex in that moment and ask him to take care of it. I think if you leav him as a contact it looks like you’re still trying to remain connected to him while you’re gone. Don’t ask him of any favors right now.
And importantly: Leave the message cut and dry. No “I love you… I’ll miss you… it’s for the best… Hopefully when I come back we can…” no, just leave it as “I’ll be gone for a while to clear my head”.