- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Me and my husband werent technically living together when we got married. He stayed here most of the time, but had all of his stuff at his moms house, where I’m not allowed to go in. He always explained it as she felt ashamed that at her age she couldnt afford a better home, so she didnt want outside people seeing it. Now I’m beginning to suspect that she (and him) might be a hoarder.
He said he left his stuff there because he had a lot and he didnt want to take over my house. Well now we have a house of our own and he finally started bringing his stuff over. AND HOLY SMOKES there is a LOT of stuff! He seems to have held on to everything he’s ever touched! I’m not kidding, he has old papers from school, toys from his childhood, junk, junk, junk! Its all piled in boxes, and now our spare room is just taken over by all these boxes with his junk in it.
Everytime I try to talk to him about it, he gets all defensive and it turns into a big fight. He actually tried to compare all his stuff, with my books. I have one bookshelf of books, and keep them contained to it. How is that even comparable?! But when I tried to point that out to him, he just said that I was being a hypocrit.
I’ve NEVER seen him act like this before, and we’ve been together for 4 years. Everytime I even mention him going through his stuff and throwing it away, he freaks out. I asked him why he keeps all the stuff and he just said that if someone gives him something then its rude to just throw it out. Even if its years later. So he literally has every single toy that has ever been gifted to him. He wont throw out the old school work because he says he’ll forget the stuff if he doesnt keep it around. So I asked him if he ever even looks through it, NOPE. So how is that helping?!
I suggested he see a therapist, and that just started a whole new fight. He accused me of saying that he’s insane. I told him that I dont think he’s insane, but I do think he needs to talk to someone about why he cant let go of objects. I went to therapy when I was a teenager and I wasnt insane, sometimes people just need it. But he’s still defensive about it.
I dont want this to cause us to seperate. We have a perfect relationship otherwise and I cannot see myself with anyone else. But I dont want to live in filth either. I know its just contained to the spare room, but even just knowing that all that crap is in there makes me feel like my house is dirty.
I really dont know what to do. =/