(Closed) Has anyone ever paid for almost their whole wedding and then eloped?

posted 8 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
11164 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I have been considering it for months but I won’t go through with it. We have spent too much and too many people have made special plans to not actually have a wedding.

Post # 5
781 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel the same way.  But I just think…the wedding’s for the family and the honeymoon will be for us.  Just gotta get thru that day LOL.

Post # 6
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

I was in this spot up until the very morning of my wedding. To be honest, I’m still torn. We have beautiful pictures, but my memories are of everything that went wrong, and I haven’t figured out how to change that.

So… with hind sight being 20/20, I would say that if in your heart of hearts you believe that you just won’t enjoy the day, then you shouldn’t feel pressured to do it.

I completely understand the money thing, and it was bringing our friends and family together that makes me not regret going through with our wedding. So… maybe suck it up and enjoy it regardless?

ETA: We did have an awesome honeymoon. It was the only thing that was truly flawless.

Post # 7
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@Treejewel19:  Same here. We’d just be losing so much of our money that i cant go through wih it. 

Post # 8
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would love to but just can’t throw away that money. I just keep pictureing the honeymoon 🙂

Post # 9
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I cancelled my wedding with 129 days left to go.  I just undid my entire wedding yesterday.  We did it because my dad has 3-5 months to live and the wedding was in 4 months.  I couldn’t handle if my dad died anytime soon, let alone near my wedding.

We plan to get married just the two of us later this year, and make it our honeymoon.  It will be really special.

However, we were very lucky to be before the 120 day cut off for the venue.  So we got all of our money back from that.  The officiant didn’t require payment up front.  The photographer does have a non-refundable deposit, but I figure we’ll still use her for engagements and bridal shots, even though we’ll probably elope out of the US.  I was in the middle of reseraching cakes and flowers so nothing was actually put down on those yet.

No one purchsed airline tickets yet, but those that reserved hotels can get a refund.

Honestly, hotel rooms can be refunded.  I’m sure most hotels will give you a refund with more than 30 days notice.  Airfare?  I once cancelled a ticket with Southwest.com and I was not out any money.  They gave me a credit to be applied to my next ticket.  I fly often so it was of no loss to me.

What I’m saying is that it’s not a total loss or completely undoable!  How many guests would be flying in?  How much in deposits will you be out?  Is there anything inside you that would regret not having a wedding event?  I personally won’t regret not having it, but since I didn’t have any wedding the first time I got married, I kind of thought I should go through it.  Not a good enough reason to go through I think!

My family is not into weddings, they have too much going on with their own lives.  I think everyone is so grateful that we’re not having a wedding for them to attend.  When peple say “the wedding is for families” or “my family would be devastated if we eloped,” I simply cannot comprehend.  My family is so different.  My family could care less.  They are a bunch of crazies and I don’t think I want them all in one place anyway!  Better to protect FI’s family who is so nice and normal.

Even though I am sad to undo the wedding (kind of mourning what will never be), I cannot tell you what a RELIEF it is to not having to finish planning.  I have to deal with my ailing father, I am trying to finish up my thesis (in the evenings, I work FT during the day), life is kind of stressful already.  It is really a godsend to have a wedding off my plate right now.  I too was getting very anxious about all of it.  I also have started to sleep normal!

Post # 10
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Luckily, I had not paid for anything. I was just about to put down a deposit on the venue but my fiance kept wanting me to wait. I’m glad I did because a week later I decided to elope. 

If you’ve already put a ton of money into it, I’d probably say to go through with it. HOWEVER if its an amount that you feel you could afford to lose, I’d think very long and hard about what you feel is right for you.

Also, what money have you put up that you could use for an elopement? For example, I had bought my wedding dress, my decorations, the materials for my invitations and a few other small things and all of them are coming on our trip to elope so they won’t be wasted. 🙂

I am SO GLAD I cancelled. It was truly turning into something I despised and would not have made me happy and I can’t justify spending that much money on something that didn’t make either of us happy. 

Post # 11
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I WISH. Our guest list has gotten out of control and I totally hate attention. Unfortunately we put so much money into this already I’m afraid it’s too late…You are so lucky to have such an understanding FI!! I cannot WAIT til our wedding day is over…

Post # 12
6 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

Do what is best for you guys! 


My Fiance and I just eloped last week! 🙂  We had planned on getting married this past Feb 2nd, but post-poned the wedding due to family stuff.  My mom said that the next go around we had to wait 3 months and do everything formal.  We did NOT want to wait!


Do what makes you happy.  The best advice I can give is be honest and communicate your feelings.  

Post # 14
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Does anyone else wish people would just quit talking about the wedding for 10 minutes?!

I am sorry, I want to empahtize, but I truly cannot relate. 


I don’t discuss any wedding details with my family. I undid my wedding just two days ago and no one asked me how I’m feeling about it all.  I wish they would! I think they are just relieved they don’t have to spend money.


My mom doesn’t ask anything.  In fact when she gave me thet last rude comment oh about 5 months ago, “Why are you excited about a wedding?  You already live together,” that was the last time I ever opened my mouth to her about my wedding.  We moved in after we got engaged for pete’s sake!  She has too much on her plate and her comments come out rude.


If I were you, I’d go to my fitting ALONE.  I went and tried on dresses alone, and I bought my dress alone.  It’s a very confident building feeling.  if you invited people, gently tell them you want to go alone to your fitting. 


I agree, don’t answer the phone.  Hmm, then they will think something is wrong.  Maybe email, so you can answer when you want and it can be brief.

Post # 15
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I thought about it and almost did it.  Ultimately, I thought about why I wanted a wedding in the first place and questioned if I’d miss it.  Doing some introspective thinking about it  made me realize it was important to me to say my vows in front of the community of our friends and family.  I wanted them there for this milestone in my life.

It’s so hard to tell how you are going to feel without ever having gone through that type of experience.  I will say – that even after ALL the drama, ALL the stress, ALL the running around like a chicken with her head cut off, ALL the annoying comments and remarks … the day after (and the night of) DH and I were SO glad we went through with it vs. eloping.

My suggestion is to do a lot of thinking about WHY you want to cancel the wedding.  It sounds like if it wasn’t for the drama caused by your ‘friends’, it may not be as stressful.  I know you mentioned the stress of having all eyes on you – is that the main reason?  Did it cross your mind before?

I will say that while I know all eyes are on the bride and groom, it didn’t feel that way to me.  Walking down the aisle, I honed in on my groom and fixed my eyes on him and didn’t avert my gaze.  During the reception, I focused on thanking my guests and having fun with them but really celebrated with DH.  People may have been watching but I was in this euphoric state anyway – so it didn’t cross my mind.  And – everyone is so full of love and well wishes for you – that it’s all good energy (typically!).


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