- 7 years ago
Is that an insane idea? We’ve discussed this and we’re both a little on the fence. Half of me thinks you should totally get all your ducks in a row before you even take that first step, and the other half of me says “You already need counseling!? How bad is it gonna be when you’re MARRIED??” I’ve googled it, and found a few resources, but they were all from a Christian perspective. Nothing wrong with that, but we’re Jewish. “Bride of Christ” won’t really work for me, haha.
Let me clear it up a little. For the most part, we have a fantastic relationship. But you know those little things that add up? Well, they are adding up. Just ridiculous stuff here and there. Mostly communication issues. It’s like we speak completely different languages. i.e. I need a lot of verbal affection and affirmation (read: I’m needy.) He is the opposite. He only likes to say I love you when he’s “feeling” it. Like the other night he went up to bed and I said “I love you” and his response was “It’s hard for me right now.”
And we both have our own individual issues (read: baggage). We’ve each spent a lot of time in therapy sorting out our problems, and there’s still a lot more to be done. Am I quick to blame things on that? For the first time I’ve actually had doubts about my relationship. Actual doubt as in–What if I’m wrong? What if I changed my entire life and it was a mistake? It’s wearing us both out.
(sorry–I know this is a little rambling but it’s late and there’s a lot to say)
It’s happening more and more often. We’ll have some huge blow-up and then I’ll cry and he’ll pout and we’ll have a big heart to heart and I’ll spill it all out and he’ll talk about how that’s what he’s been wanting (some honesty) and we’ll feel closer because of it and then make love and then start anew. Rinse. Repeat. It’s EXHAUSTING.
I guess the big issues are: Our ex’s. (He’s divorced, and it KILLS me. I have ONE ex-boyfriend, but he remained a presence in my life for some time after.)
Location, location, location: I applied to grad schools this year. I’m 98% sure I didn’t get into any. I’m a little relieved for many reasons, but one is that I realized while I was gone LDR would NEVER work. Seriously–I was gone for TWO WEEKS. He was cold and distant on the phone, if he picked up at all. It was awful. Also–I don’t want to stay here. He does. NOW–he’s waiting on an “inheritance” if you will. It would mean us never having to work (yes, I know, a huge blessing). It’s not guaranteed, but it’s highly possible. It would also mean us being to go and be wherever we want. We’re both actors, so all of the above is AWESOME. But right now–he’s tied to where he is, and truthfully I don’t want to leave him.
Those plus the communication barriers.
So, I guess if anyone has anything to say about ANY of this, it would be extremely helpful. I realized this started as one thing but ended up another. Ugh, I guess there’s a lot going on. At the end of the day we both want to be with the other, but is love enough?