(Closed) Has anyone had a family member's urn at their wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think your ideas are very nice.  I know it’s common during the ceremony to place flowers in the chair of a parent or other important family member that has passed.  Using the urn to place in the chair would be nice.  Personally, I would refrain from the tiny corsage on the urn and just place some beautiful flowers on the chair instead.

 

As for the reception, is there a place such as a mantle, or someplace else that is out of the way but that you could still have your mother there with you?  While you don’t care about creeping out random people on the internet, I think you should consider your guests and other family members.  It might make people uncomfortable for the urn to be placed at a table (I know you said you’re not doing this) or even at the guestbook or gift table.  Maybe you could leave an empty seat at a table to honor your mother?

 

I love the idea of the urn being in the background of photos as you’re getting ready.  I think that’s really sweet.

Post # 4
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I guess I didn’t really answer your question.  I would just try to find a place that’s out of the way, in the background even, for the sake of your guests’ feelings and to keep the urn safe, while still having your mother present.

Post # 5
Member
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@aggie2010:  I’m so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom 4 years ago. I’m not engaged yet, but I get so sad thinking about doing all the wedding planning and getting ready without her. I can’t imagine how you must feel, being so close to your actual wedding. 

I really like the idea of having the urn on the dressing table and putting the corsage on it. Personally, I wouldn’t have someone walk it in, but you do whatever feels good for you. 

My family is Mexican and we often have sort of a dia de los muertos altar at our weddings. We set up a table either at the ceremony location or in a prominent place at the reception. On it we put pictures and memorabilia of our loved ones who have passed away. My cousin got married just a day before dia de los muertos, so she went all out and put their favorite foods and stuff on the altar too. You might want to consider something like that for the reception. I’m sure your Fiance has people he’s lost, too. You could put the urn in the middle and other pictures around it. 

Post # 6
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would be worried about something happening to the urn.  On my wedding day and even to my hair trials, I took a framed picture of my Gram who died a few months prior.  She was at the hairdresser, then at the wedding and reception, she was with my parents at their table.  People kept stopping to talk to her… it wasn’t weird at all, but we’re a very spiritual (Buddhist) family.

Post # 7
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would be a bit concerned about having it at the wedding. Just the thought that it might get lost or something.  During the ceremony I’m sure it will be fine, but I guess I would want a plan to put it away for safekeeping after that. Just the risk would probably keep me from doing it.  If I had the same sentiment I might get one of those necklace pendants that hold ashes. Then it would be in your photos but it’s not like you could lose your whole mother.  Could you have an identical teapot in the wedding and leave the real one at home?

Post # 8
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think its creepy. I was going to say make sure you have someone responsible for the urn just to make sure it doesn’t get left behind or misplaced, but it looks like you already have your aunt doing that. I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with this. My mother wants to be cremated and if she had already passed away I would definitely want her remains at my wedding.

Post # 9
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m in tears reading this. Who care if anyone thinks it’s creepy. Honor your Mother the way you see fit! Good Luck!

Post # 10
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would also be very, very concerned about the tea pot at the wedding. Things happen and it could be dropped. If anything, I wouldn’t walk it down the aisle and I would assign someone who does not drink to guard it until after the wedding is done. 

Lots of things get lost or mistakenly taken. My sister had a vase at her wedding which was brought overseas from Italy by my grandmother when she was married. She used it as the centerpiece on her table. After the wedding was done, the caterer mistakenly took it thinking it belonged to the company. It was never seen (though she was compensated for it). 

Post # 11
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think having a picture of her might be a better option because how devestating would it be for something to happen to the urn at your wedding? Or having it set someplace safe before things start so there isnt the risk of it getting broken with someone walking in with it and trying to set it down. Also, you could do other small things to incorporate your mom during the day, a teapot charm on your bouquet, an empty chair at the ceremony and reception, but I would just be so worried about something happening to the urn that would totally ruin your wedding day, which I am sure your mom wouldnt want. 

Post # 12
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t have any ideas for the logistics of the urn at the wedding, but I recently read an article in the paper about a woman who lost her daughter, and wore her ashes in a locket around her neck. I thought this was such a beautiful gesture. Perhaps you could search Etsy and see if anyone could make one, maybe even in the shape of a tea pot? It might be a nice accessory for your big day. Especially if you can’t find a spot for the urn during the reception.

I’m so, so sorry about your mom. Good luck with your wedding. 

Post # 13
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mgol25:  i love this idea!

 

i agree with many others who are worrying about the safety of the urn. i think maybe keep it with you when you’re getting ready, i liked that idea. then perhaps look into this locket that has been mentioned.

i’m very sorry for your loss.

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