(Closed) Has anyone had their relationships with siblings change prior to wedding?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

I’ve had similar experiences with my sister. I have 3 sisters and 1 of my sisters is married. My oldest sister is 10 years older than me and has been with her boyfriend for a number of years and they have kids together.  I met my fiance’ in October 1014. He proposed in Nov. 2015. I didn’t know that my mom had told my older sister on a few occasions that you are going to mess around and your sister is going to get married before you.  We let everyone know we were engaged when we came to town that weekend.  She looked at my ring which was fine and then looked at her man. Like you see this… I mean they have been together for over 11 years.  So she was feeling some kind of way without saying it.  My sisters will be in my wedding but I’ve had some remarks from my older sister. My fiance’ thinks she is feeling some kind of way because I’m getting married and she isn’t.

Post # 3
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

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poppyfee :  I’m kind of in the opposite situation, all of my sisters are married while I’m not. I definitely feel they have formed their little group but that might also be because we don’t seem to have so much in common anymore. All they seem to want to talk about it having babies, and kids, whereas I have zero interest in that. So maybe its not on purpose, maybe you have changed and just don’t notice? 

Post # 4
Member
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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poppyfee :  are you sure you aren’t actually being over the top in expectations regarding your wedding? Some brides do lose perspective at times and sisters are there for venting to.  In part I’m wondering because your mom made a joke about jealousy and two of you took it seriously enough to have a real discussion about it. That seems really odd to me.  That’s not to say cliquey sisters aren’t frustrating but it’s hard to tell from your post if there might not be a reason.  Maybe you guys need a wedding free girls’ day to relax.

Post # 5
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

I’m sorry, bee! Family relationships are the most frustrating! It’s only me and my younger sister, and even though we’re very close I feel like my wedding planning has put a strain on our relationship at times. The most important thing is to talk and communicate (just like with any relationship!)

Post # 10
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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poppyfee :  I think it’s perfectly normal for lots of relationships to change. In my case, it seemed to be more about how happy people are in their marriages. People with strong, healthy marriages took me in and seemed to want to be closer to me as my wedding approached. People who were struggling in the marriages suddenly started picking me apart and hating everything about my wedding. 

Your sisters’ reaction could be a lot of things. Yes, they could be jealous you’re getting married. They might be starting a fight to feel less bad about you “leaving the family”. Maybe you’re being a pushy bride and don’t realize it. It could be anything, really. I think you just need to focus on being sure you are being kind and otherwise ignore the negativity. You can’t help their feelings if it’s jealousy or just sadness at you forming your own family. 

Post # 11
Member
2629 posts
Sugar bee

That’s tough! Is the sister you were close with older than you by any chance? She could be feeling some resentment that you are getting married first. I’m sure the tensions are coming from a shift in dynamic, some could be a little hurt that you are now in your own family unit and others could be feeling a bit envious that you are getting married and they’re not. 

I come from a family of four girls, and I remember when my oldest sister got married there were some strange feelings that came with it. Because she’s the oldest and 8 years older than me it wasn’t unnexpected and certainly didn’t make me feel jealous. But even though we were really happy and love her husband it just… shifted things. We were always “the M**** sisters”, a team, and celebrated all holidays etc. together. her getting married meant she had a new family and a new name so we didn’t always come first. 

We didn’t begrudge her for it because she was so much older and it was not at all a surprise and felt like the ‘natural order of things.’ The fact that you’re the middle sister (as I am) could mean those feelings are also coming out with feelings of resentment or anxiety. 

In big families of girls these kinds of things are pretty normal from what i’ve seen. It’ll jostle around and shift back or shift to something new eventually. They’re certainly not going to hold you getting married against you forever haha. Try to be open with them about how you’re feeling, and do things with them that reassure them you’re still all a sister team.

Post # 12
Member
229 posts
Helper bee

My brother (10 years older than me) no longer speaks to me, presumably because of who I married. Not sure if it was directly related to our wedding, but we had a disagreement around the time I got engaged. He HATES my now-husband and now my brother and I haven’t spoken in almost 2 years. We tried to invite him to our wedding and we got ‘go F yourself’ as an answer. Also haven’t spoken to his wife (my SIL who I use to be very close with) in years also. I maybe see my young nephew a couple times a year now?

So yes…the relationship has definitely changed. Frankly, oh well, he’s a PITA and nothing but trouble anyway…

Other brother, relationship hasn’t changed at all. 

Post # 13
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My relationships with my siblings didn’t change – I am the eldest of 5, but 3 of my siblings are still minors and living with our parents. 

DH’s relationships with his siblings, however, most definitely did change. He is the youngest of 4 but the second to get married. One of his sisters was pretty nasty after our engagement was announced; most of us basically put it down to her being jealous, as it’s no secret that she wants to get married but her boyfriend just isn’t there yet. It was so bad that DH requested I not ask her to be a bridesmaid, as he didn’t want her attitude to sour our day or to give her further opportunities to be a bitch to us. She’s since changed her tune, but her relationship with DH has definitely been altered forever.

Post # 14
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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poppyfee :  Sorry this has happened to you – but like others have said – I think it is jealousy… after all – how many things are more wonderful than a man telling you and the world that not only is he picking you and only you – but you for the rest of your lives!!!…and then proving it with a ring and a ceremony of commitment..

Post # 15
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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poppyfee :  omg. I thought it was only me. My two sisters and I are pretty close and I am very close to my older sister. We are currently not on speaking terms and my wedding in early April. I was really stressed about a number of things including the wedding and I expressed that I didn’t feel support from family and friends. Everyone but her apologized because I have been expressing my stress for sometime but no one really took it seriously due to me not being someone that ever complains. So they all assumed I’d work it out on my own. Turns out I really needed people and had a little breakdown. She on the other hand took my feelings about everything and spun it around and all about herself.  We had an argument, now and she accused me of some things that I am bewildered by so now we are taking a rest from each other. I don’t know if it will ever be the same between us though and that sucks. 

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