(Closed) Has anyone had to ‘ban’ someone from the wedding? long, sorry.

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 47
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Dolfyn  I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! Cool

Post # 48
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Dolfyn  Oh sweetness! That was one of the most heartfelt, honest, tragic yet beautiful posts I’ve ever read. Yes I am shocked by your birth mother’s behaviour & disgusted but the overwhelming feeling I have is gratitude that you have found your true home and your voice. 

I too left my family at a young age (16) . Now I have found my way back only through the grace of god so I can kind of understand the feelings of rejection. But only “kind of” because I did not go through what you did and I do not want to compare. I just want to say I understand how huge that pain is. If girls think being rejected by a boy is bad, try getting rejecting by your own mother (ahem birth mother that is…)

But, your real family, your found family, well they sound great. Especially since your Mother-In-Law encouraged you to include mom, I know it ended up hurting you but…can we all stand up and acknowledge that she is pure class & pure grace. And you are too & you will continue to be b/c you are surrounded by people that love you.

Do whatever your parents suggest about the wedding. I think you have too much on your plate & you need to focus on being a bride. They love you & they want to protect you, let them, they have earned that right. And you have earned the right to be happy…

Congrats sweet bride, enjoy your big day, enjoy all the goodies, go ahead and be spoiled, you are loved & you deserve all of it!

By The Way, as to your question…we are thinking of banning my aunt, or at least my mom (her sister) wants to. My aunt’s son just got out of jail (yes my cousin…) for attempted murder but he is truly ok, he has admited his wrongs. It was a fight with his friend since childhood b/c the friend slept with cousin’s gf & then bragged. My cousin made the mistake of yelling” I’ll kill you” before he punched. it was a bad hit & the guy was really hurt. He lived & is totally ok now. It was dumb but I believe my cousin has changed.

My aunt on the other hand, I’m afraid she will bring up “family skeletons” & hold people hostage wanting to talk about them. She seems to love douing that & did it at my twin brother’s wedding. Not just damaging, but boring too…I’m bot sure yet if she is coming but if she does, god forbid she says anything insulting to my in-laws. They are Italian & hold honor close to their hearts….lol

Post # 49
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m so happy that she left, and that you got a bunch of good news too!!  She sounds so toxic…you are a much better person than I am for not saying something MUCH ruder!  Good for you that you stuck up for yourself, and it is GREAT to hear a story of someone loving and being so loved by her future in-laws!!   Congratulations!

Post # 50
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You’ve got a great attitude 🙂

 

Post # 51
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Standing your ground when dealing with crazy family members is worth it! Boy do I relate to you! Our wedding was October 2011 (six month anniversary this Saturday!!!:)) My take-away for my experience? When someone threatens to not attend unless you do something, hold your ground!!!

My in-laws have hated me for years, and even thought my husband and I paid for our entire wedding ourselves, they had the audacity to try and tell us how things were going to go at our wedding and who was going to be invited. We said fat chance. Then came the threats of not attending, to which we said we totally understand, and we’ll update our guest list with a “unable to attend.”

Then his older brother proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t going to have a wedding, if I did have a wedding it would end up in a divorce, that I should f’ing die, etc. He then texted my husband to say he was going to beat him up/give him a black eye for our wedding pictures. His BROTHER.

So we marched straight down the courthouse and filled an emergency order protection barring him from our venue and anywhere around us for two weeks. He got served by a sheriff and I wish I could have seen his face.

Our wedding was on a Friday night, and Wednesday the in-law parents, who had gone ON and ON about how they weren’t going to attend our wedding, start texting to find out directions to the rehearsal dinner the next day (which was thrown and paid for us completely by my awesome BOSS).  I’ve had enough of the go-between between them and my husband, TWO DAYS before our DIY wedding, so we drive to their house. We try talking to them on their porch, and it ends with his father calling names, gesturing aggressively and screaming for me to get off his porch. We left, even more convinced of how happy our wedding day would be while only surrounded by people who love us.

Friday night comes along and lo and behold, who shows up but the in-law parents, albeit late, after all their bluffs and threats to not attend unless we do what they want. We felt covered in love and happiness from all our family and friends, and I was actually so glad that they had to see the love and pride from everyone else about our marriage. My bridal party stood right by me when the in-law parents came through the receiving line just waiting for them to say one negative word to me–I felt like I was being surrounded by mama bears. 🙂  In-laws sulked and scowled by the wall all night, and demanded a family picture from my husband, who ended up taking a quick one with them–without the bride.

My family and friends adore my husband and it IS sad to have such a dysfunctional situation/in-laws, but am I ever glad we held our ground and had a fabulous wedding surrounded by love, support and on OUR own terms!!

Post # 53
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Dolfyn  I am overjoyed things worked out for you!!! The nerve of that woman!! I too stumbled down the aisle, a few times. I did’nt get my dress hemmed as short as I should and I stumbled a bit. It’s ok. The video didn’t pick it up!!

Post # 54
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

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@Dolfyn  Congratulations on your marriage!  And I’m so happy to hear everything worked out. 

Post # 55
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I too have banned my mother. Your situation is so similiar to mine it’s crazy. Hire security. It will make you feel alot more comfotable on YOUR day! My question to you is what are you doing about the seating arrangments? You know the reserved seating at the front of the church, my FI’s family is all close family I have too and I am having a hard time with this. I hope you havent had to deal with her since and I wish you the best of the luck!

Post # 56
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Before we decided to elope, I had to ban my dad from the wedding. Long story but he basically said he hadn’t given his blessing so it was impossible for me to get married (I hadn’t seen him in 6 years and he wasn’t much of a dad before that.) In my case, he would have never actually been able to get to the wedding though. 

In your case, I’d definitely hire security for your mom or at least ask some people in your family to keep an eye out for her and to cut off any drama that may happen.

Post # 57
Member
10846 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Dolfyn  Awww what an awesome update! Congrats on your wedding and marriage, and I truly wish the very best for you and DH! Your family (not your birthmom) sound just amazing, what very kind and special people you are surrounded by 🙂

Post # 58
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Wow honey. Im so sorry! I couldnt even imagine. You know what I like about you already? You totally stood your ground. I know that completely hurts but you know whole heartedly that you have a better life and that you deserve better and you have found that better. 

Your mom will realize what she has done when she doesnt get to see those future grand babies. 

Good for you! And hire that security if thats what needs to happen to make your day extra perfect.

Ive never had to ban anyone (yet) but sheesh if I were in your situation my mom would be lucky I didnt hire someone to tea bag her ass while she was sleeping.

 

Post # 59
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@Dolfyn  Oh I just read the update that you are already married and recently! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

*does the butterfly*

Post # 60
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@LuvMySailor  “I can’t believe the ovaries on this woman!”  My new favorite WTF!!

 

OP, you did the right thing.  As soon as she showed up I would have been a lot less gracious.  You are so lucky to have such a wonderful ‘fall back’ family.  (I know they’re not a true fallback family, more like a fall forward family!)  I would absolutely ban her.  This reminds me of all those horrid made for tv movies and YA books about moms that ditch their kids in the middle of nowhere and suddenly pop up. Maybe when you’re about 30 should you (maybe but only if you’re having serious sentimental pings) might consider contacting her again but for now she’s proved that she’s not yet mature enough to handle having a daughter.  Dear lawd.

Yes on security.  Nobody needs the drama of seeing her being rejected at the door but it’ll be a lot less dramatic than her on the dancefloor, drunk with her skirt over her head, crying and screaming about how everybody stole you.  *shudder*

And make sure you hug those bitchin’ parents of yours!!

Edit – oops!  Didn’t see the update. Congrats to the nth degree!!

Post # 61
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am so sorry for all that you have gone through and I would hire security. And you aren’t the only one I am banning my half sister from my Wedding. I am not sure if my sister is worse than your mom but she is pretty bad. I hope that you have a Wonderful Wedding b/c you deserve to be happy.

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