Post # 1
My best friend in the whole world (since 1st grade) got married a couple months ago. From the beginning, I knew that their relationship was not the best. He was pretty verbally abusive to her and to me as well. He has a very chauvanistic way about him. He constantly keeps her away from her family and friends and this really worries me. I tried talking to her a couple months before she got married, but she ended up getting very definsive and really upset with me. I apologized profusely and admitted to her that I was probably wrong about him etc.
So, the other night we were talking on Skype and he comes up behind her and says:
“I am trying to get Ashley pregnant so we can’t come to your wedding”
We are having a Destination Wedding, so obviously she would either be very pregnant or have a small child and wouldnt travel. I wouldn’t want her to anyways. I just think its awful to even say something like that. My feelings got really hurt and I can see our relationship slowly starting to fade, and I know its because of him. I have done all I can to try and keep in touch with her (phone, text, skype) but she rarely responds to any of my calls.
I talked to my mom briefly about how he treats her and things he says to her, and she thinks I should stay out of it. She has to live/put up with him. I agree to some extent, but its really hard to see my BFF in a toxic relationship.
So, if you have made it to the end of this, thanks for reading. I am really concerned for my friend and that she is stuck. She is a very shy person by nature and I know she will never get the guts to actually leave him, even if he does become physically abusive. I would appreciate any advice that yall would be willing to give.
Post # 3
If she’s with an abuser, she is being brainwashed. She isn’t going to listen to you & you will be perceived as the enemy.
If she seeks your advice, you could take her to the nearest DV facility. You can also call the National DV hotline yourself & see if they have any suggestions.
Post # 4
It pains me to say it because she has been your best friend since grade 1, but you may need to let this play out. I’ve been in a similar situation (albeit with a person i probably wasn’t as close to as you are to your BFF), spoke my mind one night when i had ALOT to drink, and now we don’t speak. I stand by my opinion that in the case of my friend, he is abusive to her and it will end badly, but besides trying to talk to her about it there is very little you can do. Verbal abuse is the most insidious type and so difficult to prove/show evidence for.
I wish you and your friend very good luck in everything. I’m sorry you have to be witness to this, and feel powerless.
Post # 5
I’d try to (gently) talk to her again – maybe more of a “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. Just so you know, I’m here if you want to talk about ANYTHING or if you need ANYTHING at all” kind of conversation than “I think your husband is verbally abusive”.
Post # 6
I think that it is okay for you to let her know that you are there for her anytime to talk but be careful to not be TOO pushy about it. You don’t want her to shut you out more/completely because you hound her or make her feel defensive.
How did your friend respond when he said that?
Post # 7
@Sulli301: She just kinda brushes it off when he says things like that.
She just changed her name on facebook a few days ago and it almost makes me sick to my tummy to look at it 🙁