(Closed) Has anyone not invited a guests’ boyfriend (that you did not like?)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am also struggling with this exact issue – a close friend has an emotionally and verbally abusive partner – so I hope somebody has good insight for us. 

Post # 4
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think there are a few things to think about.

First, it’s your wedding and you want to be surrounded by people who you care about.  You don’t want anyone there who is going to seriously detract from the day, and it seems like this is a guy you can’t ignore.

On the other hand…

Is it going to cause problems for her if he’s not invited?  If he’s abusive, won’t he have a problem with her going to a function without him?  If so, what kind of fallout could that bring?  It’s not on you if he does something to hurt her, not in the least.  Everything he does is on him.  But if you anticipate that this will cause problems for her, it’s something to consider…especially since it means someone needs to talk to her if it’s that bad.

They are technically a social unit.  It’s hard to invite her without inviting him.  It’s very valid that you hadn’t counted on him when you counted the guestlist 6 months ago, but are you making exceptions for any other guests?  If so, will she find out about it and be upset?

I think you need to tell her the real reason why you don’t want to invite him if you have any chance of her leaving him.  This is a really difficult situation for you, and it’s hard to be supportive of someone who won’t leave a bad situation.  I’m sorry you have to face this.

I know I wouldn’t invite a person that I knew to be abusive to my wedding, no matter what social conventions dictated.  I do not want a person like that in my life.  But this decision could have repercussions for your friendship so I would try and think out all of the possibilities before making your decision.  If you’re looking for permission to not invite him, you’ll find it.  You do not need to invite a violent person to your wedding.  I’m not inviting a violent person to my wedding, and that person is my brother.  So maybe I’m not the best person to talk to because I’m clearly biased.

Post # 5
399 posts
Helper bee

My MOH’s semi-estranged husband is not invited because of the way he has treated me and my fiance over the past year. They used to be BFFs but he has shunned my Fiance. Meanwhile, my BFF/MOH and the guy are “working on things” while she and their kid live with my Fiance and me, and the husband doesn’t help out with anything, blames all their marital problems on us and continues to avoid my Fiance and me. My Fiance believes that the guy will attempt to screw up our wedding day in some way shape or form, even though he is not very clever 🙂 My Maid/Matron of Honor is very understanding of our not inviting him to the wedding. He made his bed, you know?


In short, its your day and you have the right to invite or not invite anyone you please!

Post # 6
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

to those of you who keep telling brides its their day – its first their and their fiance’s day.  But once they include others (i.e. invite people to celebrate) it ceases being just their day.

OP, you should invite this boyfriend.  I think it will cause a lot more pain for your friend if he is not included.  He might very well take that as an insult from one of her friends, and become angry at HER, rather than at you.  And he might not allow her to attend if only she is invited, if he is that abusive.

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