(Closed) Has anyone said no or was unsure after waiting for their boyfriend to propose?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I am of the opinion that if there is that much wavering on what to do it is important to resolve that first and not think a proposal will “fix” it.

I think there are different kinds of “waiting”. If your SO isn’t sure about YOU and you have many fights during this stage and it goes on for a long time I could understand someone finally deciding they aren’t interested anymore. Not because they don’t want marriage in general but because clearly there are larger issues to deal with in the relationship.

The other kind of waiting is just about timing. For whatever reason (financial, education, etc.). I think that is where most people fall and it deserves some patience. For both parties involved. This is where Fiance and I were before getting engaged so that is my only experience with “waiting”.

  

Post # 3
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been so unbelievably ready to marry SO for 2 1/2 years (that’s what I’ve actually got as far as vocalizing it to him, bc it’s longer than that). It’s taken so long, 5 years and a son who will be three in November! Waiting took a huge toll on my self esteem for awhile and it’s been a little painful to deal with the constant promise of a proposal each month that never comes. For the longest I went above and beyond to prove I’m worth marrying… I’ve begged him at times, which I’m not proud of. 

SO is fully aware at this point that the delayed proposal and unfulfilled promises have cause a lot of issues. I was told June would “absolutely” be the month (and telling everyone else, as well). But due to him not planning well, or at all, and not receiving a bonus for this ridiculously elaborate proposal he dreams of it wasn’t possible. My patience was gone in December of last year so I certainly get emotional and think, I’d like to make him wait and suffer a bit. He did get his bonus last week and honestly I’m so frustrated I picked up a bunch of work in my frustration with him making myself completejy unavailable until mid August. My issues stem from feeling rejected for so long or unpriortized. Does that mean it’s right? No. This is something I’ve had zero control over and that sucks. I would never dream of saying no, not at this point anyways. 

I’ve read that particular story a few times over my time on the bee and I don’t blame that bee. While a lot of bees may disagree with her, there is a certain point that many reach that they can’t deal anymore. Waiting can wear on you, as we can clearly see from just looking at a couple pages from this board.

Post # 4
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
herbanlove:  I remember feeling 100% like this. I remember thinking that I would never stop feeling this way and wondering if I should leave. 

Happy to report that once he did propose all those sad feelings of feeling unimportant and not prioritized melted away. I never thought it were possible. I promise you won’t feel like this forever. 

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