Post # 1
So this Thursday Fiance and I are taking the FOCCUS test. Any thoughts on how this went for other bees?? I don’t know why, but I’m just nervous about it! I know you can’t fail, but I don’t like knowing that other people judge whether or not you need a counseling session based off of a multiple choice test.
Post # 3
I took it, it was very painless. Just be honest about everything and go with your first reaction. My Fiance and I ended up answering almost exactly with each other even on the bad things (like finances). It was really funny.
Post # 4
Yes, we took it, and we’re still discussing all of the areas that where we disagreed, which are bound to happen. Like you said, there are no wrong or right answers I think the purpose of it is for you two to discuss these things/issues before they come up in the marriage. Even though we’ve been together for a while (5.5 years), we still had not discussed some things. And a lot of them came up on their own within the planning process and after the engaged encounters retreat (which I also recommend). It’s definitely worth it, so be as honest as possible and don’t hold back.
Post # 5
Yes we took it and will get it back at our retreat weekend in a week and a half. Can’t wait!
Post # 6
Yup, anyone who is getting married in the church has too… it’s not bad. We had discussed most of it, but also gave us opportunities to talk about other things.
Post # 7
It was, as others have said, pretty painless. The “test” is just a bunch of statements that you mark as “agree,” “disagree,” or “uncertain.”
Frankly, Fiance and I found a lot of the questions on the border of absurd, like “I worry that my fiance’s abuse of drugs will harm our marriage.” There were definitely A LOT of those red-flag type of questions.
Other ones are tailored to your situation, ie interfaith or cohabitating, and might be more relevant — like “I disagree with some doctrines of the Church” or “I think not worshipping together is a challenge.”
Generally, it’s pretty basic stuff that you shouldn’t be too concerned about talking through if you haven’t already. It can be kind of tedious and repetitive on some questions, but it’s only about 30 minutes to sit through!
Post # 8
It’s not really a multiple choice test. It’s either Agree, Uncertain, or Disagree. It is pretty clear cut that way. Just be as honest as possible, it is meant for you to be able to discuss areas where you disagree with your fiance. It is harmless and is only meant to help you. Don’t be nervous about it. 🙂
Post # 9
We took it. Like the other posters have said the answers are “agree”, “disagree”, and “undecided”. Its just to see if you have talked about things and agree on different issues. At our church we only discussed the answers we marked as undecided or the ones we each selected a different answer. It was pretty painless.
Ironically we scored really high (90% +) in all areas except religion, which is ironic because we are both Catholic (born and raised).
Post # 10
Not bad, but don’t read too much into the questions. I did and our results made us look not that compatible or like we hadn’t talked about much. Things were okay after Father had us discuss what we each thought the question actually meant.
Post # 11
We took it and found it pretty useful. Some of the questions seem kind of repetitive, but it touched on all the potential areas of issues. We didn’t have to share our results with anyone. At the marriage prep class, they gave us our results and we went off to discuss it amongst the two of us. Good luck!
Post # 12
Ya, my Fiance took a few questions the wrong way… but once they were explained it was like, OH 😉
Post # 13
We took it and it wasn’t bad at all. The questions are very repetitive but don’t read too much into it and just answer as truthfully as you can. Don’t worry about your answers matching your FI’s. You will go over the results with your priest and he will let you know what areas you need to work on. It is very painless, so don’t worry about it!
Post # 14
It was fun, though the priest let us do ours in private. Some of the questions it depends on how you interpret them, so that’s the only tricky part, but not really because it’s not a test, it’s just a good way to open up discussion between you two about issues you may face. For us it was a really good, happy talk.
Post # 15
Scoring high does not mean the marriage will be great and scoring low does not mean the marriage will be difficult. They also do not use scores to determine whether counseling is needed.
The results are only used as conversation starters to get you and your Fiance talking and communicating (and for your marriage prep person to facilitate if necessary). Even if you guys have talked about everything under the sky, the church just wants to make sure the every couple has a chance to really talk before entering this very serious sacrament.
Only if your answers to very serious questions turned out to be red flags would you be recommended for counseling. E.g. I’m afraid for my safety when my partner is angry. I am getting married because my parents force me too (or I’m pregnant). I believe my partner’s addiction would make my life a living hell. (not exact words, but you get what I mean).
Post # 16
Yes, we took it. We answered very honestly and for a lot of the questions, we replied “unsure.” because we’re just not in the position yet (like dealing with major purchases and pregnancies). The only problem I had with it is that our priest made us go over it together and for every time I answered unsure, he made me explain why I’m unsure. It was getting a bit annoying to keep repeating “well we havent been in that position yet.” But whatever…you have to do it and it made for interesting conversation on the drive home…and for a few laughs between then Fiance and I because some of the questions were quite “out there” to us. But it’s painless!