(Closed) Has anyone/is anyone getting/gotten married for reasons OTHER than love?

posted 7 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Darling Husband and I were both married before. Neither one of us married for love.

I was rebelling. Simple enough. I mixed up being in love, with a very strong friendship.

Darling Husband claims that he married his ex-wife because he felt like he owed her. He actually called it off about a week before, but then their Mom’s convinced him it was cold feet. They seperated after a couple months of being married and were on and off again for 2 years or so. Then he finally told her he never loved her. 

 

For me I don’t think I figured out what real love was until I was about 28. That’s when I stopped looking for someone that fit what I thought I wanted and just opened myself up to falling in love with someone that made me happy.

Post # 4
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

My SIL and Brother-In-Law were both married before to people that were horrible to them; and both said that they thought they wouldn’t be able to find anyone else. Now they found each other and couldn’t be happier.

I married my wonderful husband for love yes, but also for so much more. I firmly believe that a marriage can not work based solely on love and there need to be stronger, more stable reasons behind the commitment.

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@eebgniddew: I know a lot of people who would say all ex-husbands are horrible, but I bet yours isn’t. Considering the number of encore brides on our boards, please be careful about generalizing in a hurtful way. πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I married for love, but one of DH’s groomsmen openly told him he married his wife simply because she got pregnant unexpectedly and they never loved each other. πŸ™ I guess that can be one reason- sad but true.

Post # 8
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@ddw: It seems pretty clear that it was a joke and not a truly held belief about all ex-wives. It’s not even snarky.

Post # 9
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Well.. neither Fiance or I has been married before.  But I do have an ex-BF that I’m still friends with– he called me before he proposed to his now-wife and told me that he was marrying her because she’s pregnant.  I honestly believe that he loves her.. but if she hadn’t gotten pregnant, I know he wouldn’t have married her. 

They got engaged on a weekend then married on the following Wednesday or Thursday…. now THAT, my friends, is a shotgun wedding.  LoL.

Post # 10
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@eebgniddew: I’m glad to hear it πŸ™‚

@Amaryllis: unfortunately even jokes can be hurtful at times, especially considering that this is posted on the encore board.

Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

MM always said he married the first time because “it was the right thing to do” He was 31, parents were pressuring for grandchildren. His ex actaully said “you are good genetic material for children” oy..

Me? I was 19- he loved me, we were moving across country to go to grad school and I need the committment.

NOW?- love but realistically for financial, insurance, and health reason.  Do I really want my MOTHER making medical decisions for me? or is 20 year old daughter for him? After nine years of living together it was the next step

Post # 12
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am marrying my Fiance not just because of love.  I am marrying him because he treats me well, is kind, will be a great father and a reliable provider.

I think love should be only a piece of the pie for reasons for marrying someone.

Post # 13
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m with peanuthead on this one.

I do love my Fiance, but I’m marrying him because I trust him completely, because he’s a good man, because we stand by eachother, because we’re working to help eachother constantly become better people and working to build a life together, etc.

I’ve been in a head-over-heels, mix of love and infatuation relationship. It was different than what I’m in now. Really intense. And I did love that person, but I would have been miserable with him in the long run.

This is different. This is something I don’t doubt for a minute, and that I’ll feel good about for the rest of my life. πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Never married, but I accepted an ex’s proposal mostly out of convenience.  I was 16 and my parents wanted to move to Alaska.  I just didn’t want to go, but stay in CA for school and college.

Post # 15
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think Darling Husband at one time loved his exwife, but by the time they got married I think he felt like he couldn’t do any better (this was his lot in life) and it was time (they were together for 5-6 years and in their mid-30’s). But I think the biggest reason was he couldn’t think of a reason why he shouldn’t–she was nice and they got along. They were married less than a year when he realized it took more than that to  make a marriage work for the long haul.

Post # 16
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I married my ex out of guilt.  I loved him as well but he slowly was turning into someone that I didn’t like very much.  It’s a long story – basically around the time I was going to break things off, his mother was murdered (shot 21 times by an ex-boyfriend of hers).  I never got the chance to break things off and then I felt immence guilt that I couldn’t possibly break up with him after all he had gone through.  I kept convincing myself I could make it work, if I tried hard enough we could resolve our issues and I went ahead and married him, knowing full well he wasn’t the one.  We were married 5 years and he got progressively worse with anger and controlling issues and I finally filed for divorce. 

It wasn’t right and I should have had the guts to not marry him in the first place – in the long run, it just made it harder for the both of us (but at the time, I didn’t see it that way).

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