Has anyone's husband or male fiance chosen to take your last name?

posted 1 year ago in Names
Post # 2
1415 posts
Bumble bee

I have academic papers published in my maiden name. I already publish under a shortened/nickname version of my legal first name, so it makes my CV a little complicated as I must have both versions of the first name on it. Changing my name or adding on his would have made that even more frustrating. So I told my husband when we first started thinking about getting married that I would be keeping my name. He decided (on his own) that he wants us to have the same name and as he doesn’t yet have any name recognition he is in the process of changing his name to mine.

Honestly, it makes me feel so loved and proud that he wanted to take on my name.

Post # 3
7413 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

My in-laws took each other’s names when they married. This was 35 or 40 years ago, so it was quite unusual at the time. Seeing the hassle my then-fiance went through every time we checked into a hotel made me decide not to take his name or make a hybrid of our own.

Post # 5
4910 posts
Honey bee

sboom :  Yes my husband will. He is adamant about it. 

Another in my friend group changed his name to his wife’s name and another will soon. 

Post # 6
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’m against taking his last name but I felt him out about taking my name or making a new name all together and he was against it. 

Post # 7
411 posts
Helper bee

My fiance offered to hyphenate his name with mine. But my last name is 10 letters and his is 9. 20 charachters was just too much so I nixed that, but I appreciated very much that he offered.

Post # 8
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Here’s the thing- people will still assume that you changed your name if you both have the same last name. 

Post # 10
2510 posts
Sugar bee

Yup, my husband took my last name! We wanted to have the same last name, and we mutually decided we preferred my last name. In fact it was his idea initially! 

Post # 11
141 posts
Blushing bee

I’m having a similar dilemma. I have always thought I would never change my name when I got married. Partly because why should I have to change my identity? Partly because I’ve been published under my birth name. Partly because I’m lazy. Partly because feminism. But I actually kinda like fiance’s last name better than mine! I have considered not changing my name legally (because lazy) and just using his socially, but then most people will think I changed my name and that’s not very feminist. We have also discussed him changing his name to mine and I think he’s open to it but also lazy. I’m not sure what we will end up doing!

Post # 12
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

sboom :  My husband was completely willing to take mine. We ended up making up our own last name instead. We wanted to combine names, but it simply wasn’t possible with our names (trust me). We put A LOT of thought into it. Making up a new last name is freaking hard, and we still accidentally chose a name that lends itself to some jokes. But we absolutely love it. We love that our name is so special to us, and that it’s something we did together. I know it’s not the best choice for everyone, but we’re happy!

Post # 13
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Mu husband was up for taking my name – he suggested it at one point. In the end we just ended up keeping our own names.

Post # 14
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My husband added my last name to his middle name and I took two last names. Mine first. I introduce myself as Ms maiden name. 

I would have loved for him to take my name. It’s beautiful and it tells knowledgeable people where I am from and who I am. But he was so into the mans last name thing… and I don’t get it. His father and uncle were adopted by an abusive couple and have that last name… why even bother. No tradition there. 

I am from Europe (living in the  US now) so in my circle people are just reluctantly starting to get married in their mid thirties so I don’t know how that will go. Till now I know some who kept their name and the one couple with children I know,  he will take her name because of the children. 

I hate that people here (USA) just assume I am Mrs hislastname and address me as such. Just that fact makes me correct the error on their side. Assume much?

Sorry, I already lamented about this in the other thread. 

Post # 15
1030 posts
Bumble bee

As mentioned in the other thread, I did not take my DH’s last name and will not.  I have never once considered it, though I love him very deeply.  I have a legacy surname that has community ties, and professional licenses under my name. I worked hard to earn them, and to be identified by my name.  DH 100% supports that, and will until we are with child.  At that point, we have discussed hyphenation or him taking my last name (my preference).  He is comfortable accepting a hyphenation at that time if we both hyphenate, and is slowly beginning to considering exlclusively my surname – but this is difficult for him because it does make him feel identity-stripped and a bit emasculated.

I am strongly attached to my identity, and will pass my last name to my child.  Whether that name will be hyphenated or exclusively my own name will be determined by what my spouse does to his name during the course of our pregnancy.  Interestingly, giving people fair warning that I will be giving my child my last name instead of my DH’s causes far more shock and uniquely intense outrage than when people discover I did not legally change my name to his.

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors