- 1 year ago
- Wedding: January 2021
There is another thread going on here about whether or not to change last names and peoples’ reasons for doing so, and it’s been a great read and conversation! I wanted to take things onto a bit of a tangent though, without hijacking that conversation.
I have been thinking a lot about names, becoming a family, signifying our unity, all that jazz. I have lots and lots of time to make a final decision, but I’m not sure that I want to the be only one of us to make a decision. I have said since the beginning that I will be keeping my own last name and he has never once argued against it or made even a slight indication that he cares one way or the other. If anything, he would probably question it if I did start talking about changing my name because I’m feminist AF and he would find it strange lol
Now that the engagement is official and marriage is forthcoming, I’ve been thinking a little more deeply about it than simply “I like my name/identity and don’t want to change it, also patriarchy”. I’ve been leaning toward keeping my name legally, but tacking his onto the end of my name socially… basically, I’d go through life introducing myself as “Ms. or Mrs. MyName-HisName”. Still haven’t decided on whether I’d like to use “Mrs.”, given the patriarchal conotations of the term. Most likely not.
The more I think about it though, the more I’d like us to seriously discuss the idea of him *also* taking my last name on. I won’t push for it either way, but the way I see it, we are both becoming members of one anothers’ families and we are becoming a family unit ourselves (regardless of the fact we are not having kids). Part of my reasoning for wanting to tack his name on is because I want my name to reflect that I am part of his family (and also I like his name lol). Our names actually sound quite nice together, but only when structured “MyName-HisName”, not the other way around haha
I want to mull it over a bit more myself and hear a bit more about other peoples’ thoughts and experiences before I bring the topic up to him, since we do have a lot of time (2.5 years) and it is a pretty big ask for me to encourage him to buck tradition and take on the potential social backlash that can come along with that sort of thing (not in our families or social group, but out in the world in general). I won’t be hurt or offended if he chooses not to, but I would be over the moon and incredibly proud if he did.
I’d love to hear some of your experiences, especially if any of you have husbands or fiances who have or are going to either take your name entirely, add your name to theirs, or create a new family name entirely.