(Closed) Has creating your guest list, make you re-evaluate your friendships with people?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Actually yeah. More in terms of family. It’s like there are people I see a lot in my family and others I haven’t seen in years so am I supposed to invite them? With friends who I’ve known for so long but haven’t had much contact in (I mean, I am not even a Facebook friend) am I supposed to invite them? What do you do about co-workers?

Post # 4
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Kind of. I had to cut down my guest list so much because the venue doesn’t fit our entire circle of family and friends.

There were college friends that didn’t make the cut…because I realized we just aren’t that close anymore. And I think the older we all get- the more we widdle down our closest friends and don’t have as much time for the acquaintances…at least that has been my experience.

I would imagine for a vow renewal especially, you would really want only your very nearest and dearest!!

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Ronneykay: I really have done this with friends and family. Those friends who I talk to once every few months and those familyt I see only once a holiday and at funerals did not make the cut. It’s not that I dont’ love them, it’s about the fact we have to live after the wedding.

To me, ceremonies and receptions are for those who have the closest and most positive relationship wtih you. Fair weather people only want a free meal

Post # 6
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Writing out my guest list has not only had me reevaluating my relationships with people, it’s also driven home the point that I’m a shy one who finds it hard to make friends 🙁

At any rate, we want a really small wedding and reception, so the idea of inviting family that I don’t know very well never even crossed my mind.  Fiance is inviting some of those to the wedding, but  I don’t think he wants most of them to show up. 

As far as friends, I’m realizing that the people that I’ve known for years are actually less likely to show up than those I’ve only known for a few months – which has me really considering letting the past just stay that way unless they make gestures towards me first.

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My problem was that I didn’t realize until after I made my guest list and told people they were going to be invited (30 person ceremony, so only 15 on each side) that I wasn’t bff’s with these girls anymore. I was kind of pissed that I wasted some seats on them, but I guess that’s life.

Post # 8
Hostess
11105 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Ronneykay: Yes, I took a few people off the list, after writing it then thinking about it.

Post # 9
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We actually had an easy time coming up with our friends list. Each of us has a central group of friends that we’ve been close to since grade school (10 each + guests = 40 friends total).

However, for the 9 months we were planning our wedding, I kept telling Darling Husband we couldn’t make any new friends. I had to cut us off from making plans with “randoms” in order to avoid the awkward conversations about the wedding that I knew they wouldn’t be invited to.

I had to keep saying “Honey, no new friends until October!”

After the wedding, we let loose and have plans with random people without stressing!

Post # 10
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@fearlessvalkyrie: i feel the same….i too have found it hard to make real friends. i have found i have many aquaintence but not many real friends. like the ones you can say hey lets go out for lunch on a whim or stop over to their house and its fine and isnt awkward. most people i just know from high school or church and it dosent go past there sadly. and i wish it did. and i dont even really know my family. i see my dads side only on holidays (they live on long island NY we are in PA) if im lucky 2 times a year. and then my moms side im lucky to see them once every 2 years (they are in VA). i recently went to a party on my dads side and realized i have like over 50 people coming to my wedding i really dont know that well. i cant even tell you what any of my aunts and uncles even do for a living, or what my cousins like to do. so yes it has been weird going over invite list for me as well.

Post # 11
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I always envisioned my wedding day being this big 300+ person event with all of my nearest and dearest present to support me and my new hubby.  Unfortunately, with age and time comes the realization that if you still even KNOW 300+ people, they are very likely people you barely even see or talk to anymore.  Making my guest list has made me realize that many of my “friends” are only fair-weather.  Once I settled down with my SO, they all disappeared (despite my countless invites to dinner, lunch, movies, etc.).  Because I was no longer on the scene (i.e. – out drinking and clubbing and looking to “hook-up”) I was no longer “down”.  Friends I called “best” slowly stopped calling me back altogether. 

Now SO and I are preparing to get engaged (very soon) and have started putting together our guests lists and have realized that we don’t want the phony, fairweather friends and family there to witness our day.  It’s more than just another party or free open bar, it’s our WEDDING!  So with that realization, we are very comfortable completely slashing our list to include only our neareast and dearest.

So to answer your question (sorry to go off on a tangent), yes, the guest list definitely had us reevaluating “relationships”.

Post # 12
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

yeah, it’s kind funny. my friends who got married right after college invited our whole, huge, college group of friends. now for me, 5 years later, it’s a lot easier to see who is actually still my friend. and it’s sad. I wish I could stay friends with more people, but I think that once you have a job and you’re working, and in a serious semi-LDR, you just don’t have time to be close friends with more than a couple people.

Post # 13
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yes it has for many of the same reasons all ready posted.

Post # 14
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

        Our guest list made me realise how far apart I’d drifted from people… there really weren’t a lot of friends we wanted to invite. It’s sad because there are people who I wish we’d kept in contact with.. who I never could have imagined NOT being at our wedding growing up.. that we both would feel akward inviting now.

Post # 15
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Ronneykay:

definitely, especially with “close friends” who hadn’t bother to return calls for the past 6 months to 2 years, or even reply to any emails. It definitely hurt, because 2 years ago my partner & I moved to the middle of nowhere and while I struggled to stay in touch with my “best“ friends, his friends are still as tight as ever — made me feel pretty down about myself looking at the guest list and seeing only 3 friends of ‘mine’ invited.

But at the same time, if the people that I lost touch with really cared/wanted me in their lives, they would make an effort, as I had done repeatedly.

Post # 16
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

the wedding guest list has DEFINITELY made me reevaluate some friendships… to the extreme that it affected my bridesmaid list.

I’ve always had my bridesmaids picked out in my mind- it was something I didn’t even need to think about.  It would be my sister, plus my three close friends that I was in a “group” with for years and years.  We were all close with each other, got along great!

However, one of those girls… I’m just not close with her anymore.  We had a falling out of sorts a year and a half ago, and the friendship has never recovered.  She’s never been particularly supportive of my relationship with my Fiance, either. However, it would have been awkward to invite the other two girls from the group but not this girl to be my BM’s, so I asked her… she said yes, but later told me that for XYZ reasons she can’t come to the wedding anymore.  That, more than anything, stopped me in my tracks.  There was a point in time where I would have moved heaven and earth to make it happen, to be there for her or to make it so she could come to my wedding.  Now, I’m just like “meh. okay”.  It did hurt a bit, that she wasn’t willing to even try to get there, but it definitely showed me how far we’ve drifted.  I’m glad she’s not in the wedding… and even gladder that her parents, who I invited separately (because she lives across the country from them) can’t come now either… it would have just been awkward.

There have been other (re)defining moments, but that was my main one.  I’ve definitely invited some friends from a group I used to hang out with in high school, but not others (one girl in particular).  I know this can be interpreted as mean, but honestly the ones I invited are the ones I’ve stayed in contact with.  The girl who didn’t get invited was always more of my friends’ friend than my friend, even though we all hung out together.

It’s tough but in the end it’s about being surrounded by people who know, love and support you as you make your commitment to your Fiance and your marriage.

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