Post # 1
So one of my uncles got Facebook about a year ago and since then he’s starting posting more and more extreme right wing comments and sharing right wing propaganda. It’s usually about three things 1.Muslims 2.Ethnic minorities 3.LGBT people, especially trans people. I never knew he felt this way, I’ve always thought he was a very open minded easy going person. I’m gay and he’s never as far as I’m aware made any negative comments about that, he’s always posting nice comments about myself and my fiancée under our pics or statuses, but I can’t help but think if we weren’t family he would feel differently? Kind of like he makes an exception for us because I’m his niece? I should add that the comments he writes are really hateful, it’s not just him sharing fake news. An example today was a comment on a post about what a (black) MP supposedly said on Twitter (again fake news from a right wing Facebook page) and he wrote “Surprise surprise, look what F’in colour she is!! Kick her out!”.
It upsets me to see some of the things he posts and I want to challenge him on them, but I don’t want to fall out with him or cause a divide. My mum is also new to Facebook and briefly started liking and sharing some of his less extreme posts and then over Xmas we had a discussion where I explained that 99% of what he is sharing is fake news designed to whip people into a frenzy. Luckily she has now said he’s too extreme and thinks he will “get into trouble with what he’s posting”.
I’m not really looking for advice as such, just wondering if anyone else has felt the same?
Post # 2
Yep absolutely. I never engage though, just make a note of their asshole-ness on my mental spreadsheet and move on.
Post # 3
Yes, but not for nearly an extreme awful reason like that. Just people that seem so fake on social media (like cheerful comments with lots of !!!!! and emojis when in real life, they are nothing like that), or attention craving (ever single post is wooooe is me, pity me, look at me).
Post # 4
ariesscientist : I don’t choose to associate with rascists, homophobes, even on Facebook. Facebook has made me realize how myopic, closed minded, intolerant, self centered some people can be. So many Facebook bullys, trying to shame/insult/ belittle others for for their political viewpoints! They must rationalize their clossmindedness, bullying, name calling, judgementalness by thinking (erroneously) that they’re right, so that makes their name calling and bullying ok somehow! “Unfriend”, “unfollow” is our friend lol! So the long answer is YES social media has changed my viewpoint of some people most definitely!
Post # 5
pinkshoes : yep, this too!
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas
ariesscientist : Similar experience, except mine has been with the opposite end of the political spectrum! I’ve had to unfriend two separate people because they would always tag me in extreme liberal posts, and then have the balls to personally attack me when I didn’t respond favorably to whatever they were posting. I wouldn’t even engage in a debate…posting a “please do not tag me in these type of topics” were enough to be called a racist, bigot, and much worse…
I think social media really does bring out the worse of people, no matter what your political leanings are. I’m really thinking of ending my Facebook account. It’s just not worth it anymore.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
D.H’s much older cousin posts racist stuff and goes on about how much better Britain was before we were “flooded with immigrants” and how “you never hear an English accent in London anymore.” I had no idea he was like this before I saw his Facebook posts. Thing is no one ever likes his posts so it must make him realise that not many share his views or at least share them openly.
Post # 8
I saw this happening a lot when Trump was first elected into office. I was very surprised at the views of some of my so called friends (well, not close friends but friends on FB). I also never engaged in their rants but I saw others that did and it was always a shit show. I hardly go on FB these days because it just seems like a place for people to bitch.
But yes, social media has changed how I look at some people.
Post # 9
ariesscientist : I’m really sorry you had to find this out about your uncle. 🙁 I’m sure it has to hurt, even if he never directly said something to you. I would 100% unfollow him. I’ve done this with a few people in my family as I don’t want to see that kind of hate spread on my timeline. I wouldn’t say it’s changed how I viewed them (as I knew they were like this before honestly), but it has reaffirmed my decision to keep them at a distance.
I will say it’s crazy how different some people can be in real life versus their social media life. I’ve always heard this, but I have pretty chill friends and never really got the braggy vibe from many (I try to keep my follow/friends list small). However, my sister has recently been posting more on social media with pictures of their family adventures and her hanging out with friends, and I admit at times it made me so excited to get married and have kids like her as she seemed to be killing it and having a blast!
Then I went on vacation with them (for the first time as a week-long trip). I was SHOCKED at how different the posts were versus how the real “energy” of the situation was, if that makes sense. We went to the beach once and were there for maybe 30 minutes and 10 of those were dedicated to photo-ops. Fine by me, I was having fun! Then the whole time she just stood there sipping her drink, arms crossed, while I was playing in the water with her kids. Then after 20 more minutes she wanted to LEAVE! I thought huh, okay, maybe she’s not feeling well or not in the mood for a beach day, that’s fine. But then she posted all about our beach trip on social media later that day, and you would have thought we spent the entire day there swimming and drinking and tanning. The entire vacation was filled with moments like this. It was so bizarre to me and really changed my outlook on her life. I just don’t get it.
Post # 10
Oh yes. I met a lovely woman through our birth prep class. I have both her and her husband on FB. She is lovely, but he posts so many homophobic, transphobic and pro life things. All of which come from crazy Christian sources.
Ive unfollowed him and a lot of the pro life stuff really upsets me.
Post # 11
ariesscientist : Yes in the context you talk about. Also, people confide about how badly their relationship is going but then they or their SO will post all these sappy lovey dovey messages about how great their relationship is 🙄
Post # 12
steny03 : yes this exactly! Wtf!
I think Facebook takes off some people’s masks so you see the real them…
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2007 - City, State
ariesscientist : I don’t have active social media accounts anymore. People use it as a platform to say whatever comes to mind and don’t think before they post, whether it’s their own thoughts or something they share. You’re exposing yourself to so much toxicity and negativity and everytime you do you are absorbing it. It affects your mental health and your self esteem and also changes real life relationships. People have entire alter egos with their online profiles. It’s truly a bizarre social phenomenon.
As for your Uncle, there’s how he treats you and how he apparently “really feels”. It could be said he feels safer sharing his real thoughts and feelings on Facebook because there are others who agree with him, so assume how he treats you in person is fake. Which is sad, and hurtful.
You don’t need to expose yourself to this kind of behavior or put up with it in order to keep the peace within your family. That’s absurd. Delete him off your friends list. You don’t need to explain anything to anyone.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2007 - City, State
chillbee29 : I hate this. Soooooo fake.
Post # 15
ariesscientist : Yes, I’ve definitely lost respect for people who post hateful things about gays, people of color, etc. and they are unfriended without a second thought. Even close relatives — I don’t care who you are, hate speech is not okay on my timeline.
The harder decision for me is unfriending those who frequently push their multilevel marketing schemes. I want to keep up with people but I could do without keeping up with their MLM schemes, new products, before and after pictures of strangers.