(Closed) Has the idea of whether or not your FI/DH will ever cheat on you cross your mind

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t worry about things I can’t control.

Either I trust him, or I don’t – I would never check e-mails or anything like that

Post # 4
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

A friend of mine asked me this just the other day. I told her that while you can be realistic about a relationship failing, you should also be realistic about it lasting.

That being so, I trust my Fiance to never cheat on me. He’s been hurt really badly by his ex Fiance cheating and so I just know he’d never do that to me. But I do know that while he trusts me he still has issues about cheating.

Have you thought about talking to your Fiance about this and explaining about your father? He might be able to put your fears to rest himself. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I mean it’s crossed my mind because we’ve had talks about how important it is to us to be faithful no matter what. We’ve both been cheated on and both wouldn’t want to do that to the other person. I think it’s worth it to talk to him about your fears without sounding needy or clingy. In my case it’s Fiance who’s more worried so we talk about it whenever he needs to. If he won’t talk about it or gives you reasons to think he’s doing something shady then yeah, be worried. But don’t worry over nothing.

 

Post # 6
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I had a bad experience with the guy I dated prior to my Fiance. I had dated this guy for nearly 2 years (my longest relationship to that date). While I don’t know if he necessarily cheated, he definitely didn’t treat me with respect. He knew that I was uncomfortable with him hanging around these two girls, and he would say things to anger me more (great guy, right? :-)).

  I was nervous about my Fiance cheating, especially during the first year we were in a semi-LDR (he was two hours away, so we saw each other most weekends, but rarely through the week). However, he has always treated me with respect, always been honest. I am a worrier by nature, and what comes to mind is some girl trying something with him, not necessarily him seeking it out (we are currently living 5 hours apart while he finishes up grad school).

  I did tell my Fiance (then boyfriend) about my past and my insecurities. I think it made things a little easier on us, because he could see where I was coming from.

Post # 7
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

The way I think of it is this.

I trust him and I “swear I know he would never cheat”, and I live my life that way.

HOWEVER, I do realize people are surprised all the time. How many people have been shocked to find out they were cheated on.

You “know” until you are wrong. People truly believe things all the time until proven wrong and this is another one of those. The world is flat, etc.  

But you can’t let the fear rule your life because I do believe you can create your own worse fear. 

Post # 8
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

We had both been cheated on before so it came up. I don’t really think about it though. I’m not suspicious of him.

Post # 9
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Not really. I’ve been cheated on before (in other relationships), but Darling Husband makes me feel secure. Whatever happens will happen–that’s how I live my life. Yes, it would hurt, and yes, I would leave. But why should I waste my time worrying about something that may never happen?

Post # 10
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel that way.. my ex of 3.5 years left me.. for a stripper… dumb me got back with him, only to be together for a year. I have seen my friends grandparents get divorced. He was having an affair for 25 years.

My Fiance has never done anything to make me feel he would do something awful. His mom and brother are amazing and says he would never do that since he saw what his mom had to go through. I am still scared that after a few years he might get bored of me or want someone younger when we get older.

I hate feeling this way, but most of the time I try to think positive. It’s hard sometimes with the way the world is today.

The way they put stuff on these phones where you can hide texts and pictures. Apps to chat with people. So many things everywhere. I think it’s crazy.

Post # 11
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Misfit:  A friend of mine asked me this just the other day. I told her that while you can be realistic about a relationship failing, you should also be realistic about it lasting.

Perfectly said.  I had trust issues too in the beginning of Fiance and I’s relationship. After making myself, and my friends crazy I finally realized I was projecting my own “stuff”, from past relationships, insecurities, etc, onto him and our relationship. I dated, almost exclusively, emotionally unavailable man-children before Fiance, so I had some emotional baggage I needed to dump.

If he’s not giving you a reason to feel this way then you need to let go of the past and move forward. If you can’t do it on your own, talk to someone.


Post # 12
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

Do you read dan savage? He’s cynical about it, saying most men are pretty good at monogamy if they only cheat a few times in their lifetime. 

I will say I wouldn’t end the marriage over a fling. People are human and humans make mistakes. 

Post # 13
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think about it sometimes but only because my fiance travels for work and is gone M-F, 45 weeks a year.  He’s spending the majority of his time in his hotel, at hotel bars, and out with his fellow coworkers.  I envision him connecting with someone in another city out of lonliness, but it’s just a vision in my head.  I trust him completely but I’m not blind to the fact that it’d be ‘easy’ for either of us to find comfort in someone else.  I know that we both make the conscious decision not to, and we are very committed to this relationship and our future marriage. 

I also would not leave him if he had a fling.  I also wouldn’t want to know about it.  😉

Post # 14
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Some people are ok with giving someone a second chance, some people have open marriages. I would leave my husband. Why would you stay with him if he cheated? That’s saying.. it’s ok?

Post # 15
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Most divorces don’t end over cheating. If couples divorce, cheating is the manifestation of other symptoms of what was wrong with the marriage in the first place.

@ribbons: I read Dan Savage. I love him.

Post # 16
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

yeah, i think about it. but it would be so weird because i’m the only real girlfriend he’s ever had

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