Post # 1
I literally just sent out my invitations 3 days ago. . . Apparantly the US Postal Service is quite fast these days and I already have people letting me know they got theirs. . . which is great!
However. . . I received a Facebook message yesterday from my FI’s best friend’s sister. We invited his mom, dad, and sister and addressed the invitation accordingly. His sister messaged me asking if her boyfriend could come. My first reaction was that the invitation wasn’t addressed to her plus guest! I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend! I was speechless. . . I didn’t know what to say. So, I told her I don’t want to say no but I can’t say yes yet. . . that we have to stay within a certain number of people and once we start getting responses back I’ll be better able to give her an answer. Now I’m worried that this is going to keep happening! Or that people are going to completely ignore WHO the invitation was addressed to and RSVP for more. . .
Has this happened to anyone else?!
Post # 3
@madteaparty: the fiance’s best friend’s sister’s boyfriend… that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke…. but seriously, i think you answered appropriately. I am just at the beginning of making a guest list and I worry about the same issue because we do have a budget to maintain. I honestly think people don’t realize what they are doing when they ask to bring a date that wasn’t invited. In my area, a lot of weddings are “open.” There is just a buffet, and they are casual. Come one, come all. But for more formal events, with catered, dinner type events, actual numbers become more important because it DOES affect your budget. People just don’t realize what they are doing when they ask to bring an extra person. I think you handled it appropriately.
Post # 4
Thanks! I think so, too. I really don’t mind him coming, but only if we end up getting more “no’s” then we anticipated. Now I’m just dreading that this will keep continuing. Do people not realize that who the invitation is addressed to means those are the only people invited? Or maybe they just don’t read at all. . . lol.
Post # 5
I feel like this kind of stuff happens to everyone. We decided in an attempt to keep our #s low since we’re paying for the wedding ourselves, not to invite Fi’s 10+ cousins + their dates. When the aunts and uncles got their invitations with their names only, FI’s father took it upon himself to say “well they meant to say and family” Not all of them are coming, but we had to add a couple of extra tables! I swear people just don’t think about the financial strain it may cause (which is upwards of $1500 in this case) or the reasoning the bride/groom made those decisions (we wanted a small intimate wedding even if budget wasn’t an issue. Fiance hasn’t talked to these cousins in years, didn’t know half their names and had no clue where to even get an address from).
I think your response is more than appropriate. I wish my Fiance would’ve handled our situation more similarly to the way you handled yours.
Post # 6
I think what you responded was totally reasonable – and gives you a good out, should you decide you just don’t want him there. People’s boldness never fails to amaze me though.
Post # 7
Even though we finalized (or so I thought) our guest list MONTHS ago. . . when we were addressing the invitations, all of a sudden he starts naming cousins. Cousins who not only live out of state, but cousins he barely talks to!! So I told him I’d get the addresses from his mother. . . Is it bad that I haven’t yet? whoops! lol
Post # 8
Oh that whole cousins popping out of thin air happened to me as well. It was terrible. His dad all of a sudden decided we should invite ALL of FI’s cousins (25+) instead of just the closer ones. Then, Future Mother-In-Law also instructed us to invite them all with plus ones. We ended up compromising and inviting SOs of at least one year. His dad warned us that people will probably ask to bring their kids and/or a guest (even if they weren’t invited with one). We are sending out invites this week so I’m a little worried about getting these calls. We are right at our limit (310) so it will be a firm “no” even if we do end up having more space as we had originally planned on only inviting 270.
Post # 9
Wow! That’s a lot of people! We’re at a strict 125. We have to pay for 125 regardless because our ceremony is on site. So we’re aiming for 125, but no more! We have a “B List” if necessary, but getting these responses should be quite interesting!
Post # 10
I am afraid this is going to happen to us too as we both have large families and there are just certain people we dont want to invited for different reasons. One cousin on FI’s side we are not inviting her kids…but we are prepared for her to rsvp for all 4 of them. lol But thankfully our venue can hold a lot of people and our per person price is fairly low compared to a lot of people I see on here.
Post # 11
We had this happen! It happens all the time, people either just don’t think about the money, space, WHO it was addressed to, etc. OR they decide “too bad, I want to bring my bf”. You reacted appropriately, it’s not rude to tell the truth and try to gently remind people that there are space and money issues involved, not just who you like vs who you don’t. I have faith that if people really thought about what they were asking they wouldn’t do it…that may be wishful thinking though :0)