(Closed) Has your partner ever cheated on someone (even if it wasn't you)?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Has your partner ever cheated on someone?
    He cheated on someone to be with me but I don't worry about it : (15 votes)
    6 %
    He cheated on someone to be with me and I do worry about it : (2 votes)
    1 %
    He cheated during his past relationship(s) but I don't worry about it : (42 votes)
    16 %
    He cheated during his past relationship(s) and I do worry about it : (10 votes)
    4 %
    He has never cheated on me or anyone else but I'd still be with me if he had : (71 votes)
    27 %
    He has never cheated on me or anyone else and I would not be with him if he had : (116 votes)
    44 %
    He cheated on me but I don't worry about it : (4 votes)
    2 %
    He cheated on me and I do worry about it : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    468 posts
    Helper bee

    My SO cheated on a past girlfriend.  He told me before we started dating (although while he was actively pursuing me), and said he would never do it again.  He said it was the worst thing he had ever done, and he never felt so terrible in his life.  I appreciated his candor, and its one of the reasons I trust him not to cheat on me.  He could have hidden it, and I never would have known.  Since we have been in a relationship, he has done several things that he knows I wouldn’t approve of, and has told me about them.  (Its nothing terribly bad and I wasn’t actually mad, but I’m glad he feel that he HAS to tell me.)

    I think people can change, and I don’t think that past relationships matter.  Although, as a PP said, people can only change if they want to change.  How someone treated an ex doesn’t necessarily dictate how they will treat a future partner.  Someone who cheated in the past may never cheat again, and someone whose never cheated may cheat in the future.  A suprisingly high number of marriages have some form of cheating in them.

    I’ve never thought that cheating was a massive moral failing.  Sure its a bad thing to do, but there are a lot of bad things a person can do.  Maybe I’m just more laid back them most people on the bee.  I will say, I do have a no tolerance policy if my SO cheated on me.  🙂

    Post # 33
    Member
    2664 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

    @lovelyMsValentine:  Other people will give cheaters a chance, others won’t. I’m under the umbrella of “I won’t date someone who has cheated”. Obviously, all of these people have SO’s, so it’s not like there isn’t any way for them to find other people. However, just because people made the mistake of cheating, doesn’t mean that I have to forgive them and be willing to date them. I just won’t do it. In my eyes, it’s a choice that person made, and I will question their morals if they made a choice to cheat. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    3208 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    We’re each other’s first serious relationship so neither one of us had much of a chance to cheat before! MrTigre can easily keep it in his pants, so I’m not too worried.

    Post # 35
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Oops, I voted for the wrong option. I meant to vote that he’s never cheated and I would NOT be with him if he had. I can’t imagine a version of my Fiance who would cheat on someone. He is honest and loyal. 

    I don’t necessarily believe “once a cheater, always a cheater” but I do feel that someone who cheated in the past could be more likely to do it in the future. 

    I had an ex who freely admitted that he had cheated on girlfriends before. He seemed remorseful and I appreciated his honesty but wouldn’t you know, he cheated on me, too. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if he cheats on his current gf at some point. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee

    My current SO of about 7 months has never cheated on anyone, including me. I however, have cheated many times in my past. I know why I did it, and I know how awful it was to do. I have grown a lot since then, and I know I would never cheat on my SO. So as others have said, “once a cheater, always a cheater” doesn’t apply to everyone.

    Post # 37
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    My Fiance has never cheated on anyone as I’m his real serious relationship and I’m pretty confident he wouldnt cheat on me for the forseeable future. I havent sneaked-out-the-house, “I’m out with the girls, love you babe” cheated-cheated but i did have a Ross from Friends moment (‘We were on a break!) once with my first boyfriend and DID i pay for it! I still have flashbacks about it. So NO, I would never cheat on him either

    Post # 38
    Member
    9757 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    He has never cheated on me or anyone else, I don’t know if I would be with him or not if he had.

    Post # 39
    Member
    892 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Man, I feel like I am on my own for this one. None of the poll options apply to me. Fiance and I have known each other for 8 years, starting with us dating in high school. He cheated on me in high school, we were on again, off again all the time. Then after that, we kinda just kept going back to each other randomly. I never cheated in any of my past relationships, but he did cheat on his ex Fiance with me once :/ Buuuuuut we are together now and literally the only person he ever cheated with throughout his relationships was me! So, unless I have a clone out there that I don’t know about I am not too concerned haha.

    That being said, I will always have a slight trust issue because all of my past relationships have involved me getting cheated on. I trust Fiance more than I can trust anyone else though.

    Post # 40
    Member
    3075 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    Yes, because she cheated on him first. And I also cheated on someone but that doesn’t mean I would cheat on him, so I don’t worry about it.

    Post # 41
    Member
    3075 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    Also that last one is confusing, I mean I would be with him regardless of his past but I would not be with him if he cheated on me. They’re two different things.

    Post # 42
    Member
    5884 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Hmm…it never occured to me to ask him.  I guess I’ve always assumed no, but I’ve never actually asked.

    Post # 43
    Member
    4371 posts
    Honey bee

    Doesn’t matter to me either way, as long as he doesn’t cheat on me. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    @mrspinesol:  Right, but I don’t understand how it’s your place to “forgive.” Especially if you weren’t the one cheated on. In your opinion someone is morally bankrupt if they’ve cheated in a relationship no matter if it was years ago? 

    I mean, obviously everyone has deal breakers, I just find it crazy that people are so quick to judge and write someone off before even knowing the whole person. I sure hope you all don’t live in glass houses. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    1047 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Im FIs first girlfriend so he hasn’t ever cheated. I voted that I’d still be with him if he had cheated in the past as I do think people can change. however I must say that if Fiance was the kind of person who could cheat then he’d be a completely different person. So I’m really not sure. If I found out now that he had been unfaithful in the past and didn’t tell me, it would change my view of him entirely, and I’m not sure I could get over that. 

    Post # 46
    Member
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I know i’m laid back so what I say here will be in alignment with that:

    If someone cheats on me, I would be more upset about how it got to that point then about the act of it itself. I think all things within a relationship do not happen in a vaccum, things are complex.

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