(Closed) Has Your Relationship with Your Mother Gotten More Complicated as you grew up?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
Member
12245 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh. I was REALLY awful to my Mother for most of my life! Like from age 5 on.

Then she helped me escape an abusive relationship when I was 20, and now I couldn’t live without calling/texting her 2-3 times a week!

When I met Darling Husband (online dating) I immediately showed the profile to her and was like “What are the red flags?”

Post # 18
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

It’s way easier — we live about a thousand miles apart.  And I put on my sugar-coated “life is great!” routine when we talk on the phone, so hopefully she doesn’t have anything bad to say about me. 

Post # 19
Member
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Nope, my relationship with my mother has always ranged from troubled-horrific.  I’m sure a lot of this has to do with the fact that I was raised by my grandmother until 4.  I was what you call an “anchor baby” (parents had me to stay in the country) and was shippped off to Taiwan as soon as their paperwork went through.

Post # 20
Member
1143 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Mine has gotten easier. We did not get along at all starting about 8th grade until I was 19. Our relationship much improved when I moved out and made some “real-world” mistakes and she was there to help pick me up.

Our relationship can still be strained at times, but we’ve both learned to leave certain topics alone that get to the other one. It gets better as the years pass though!

Post # 21
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

My Mum and I are very similar, we butt heads about almost everything, so living together was difficult. Once I moved out we stopped having things to argue about and our relationship became so much easier and happier.

Now, after I moved out over 4 years ago (2 hours away then and in a different country now), we have an amazing relationship. I wouldn’t go as far as to say she’s my ‘best friend’ but we are very close; I can go to her with anything and although she’s still very opinionated and believes she’s right, she’s happy to watch me make my own decisions, even if it’s not what she believes is best.

I’m completely comfortable with the relationship I have with my Mum – she’s a lovely person.

Post # 22
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I can totally sympathize with this situation. When I was younger and even in high school, I thought I had the greatest mom ever. As I’ve gotten older I have started to see her for who she really is and it hasn’t been good. I have a lot of built up resentment towards her for things she has said and done (she allowed my father to get away with verbal abuse, addiction). She never once stood up to him and it ruined a lot of things for me and my sisters.  She is also miserable and very judgmental of others.  I now realize why she has no friends. It’s been really hard for me to come out of the “Idolizing my mother” stage and face reality.  Anyone who has a truly great person for a mother and a good relationship, I envy very much because I would do anything to have that.  I am trying to build a strong relationship with my future Mother-In-Law so I can have a positive mother figure in my life. 

Post # 23
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My mother and I had a decent relationship until I grew up and got my life together. I’m only 25, and with anything good that happens in my life, or anything I excel at she gets jealous over. My mother is 60, with zero set aside for retirement, or savings. She has never had a good job in her life, and is not very bright. I do not relate to her what so ever, and can never recall an emotional conversation we have had. My Fi and I started saving for a house down payment about a year ago, she told me I was too money hungry, and that I had no life. I put on some weight, she feels the need to point it out every conversation we have – but only when Fiance isn’t around. I try to avoid her as much as I can. We help her clean two office buildings on the weekends because she needs the money, and is too out of shape and old to do it herself. I get no thank you for it, and it is expected for us to help every weekend. My Fiance is working until 8am tomorrow morning, but we are expected to be at the offices for 11am to help her. 

My father on the other hand is my world. He did everything for me growing up, painted my nails, braided my hair, gave me the sex talk a few years too late, haha. He’s 70, sick with cancer and getting worse daily. My mother had started taking his pain pills and usually ends up taking 90% of the bottle for his month of pain, in a few days. 

I can honestly say I hate my mother, my future children will never be around her, nor hear about her. Thankfully Fiance has two wonderful parents to be grandparents for our children. 

The lack of relationship with her could stem from being adopted, but I honestly think it’s the fact that I now find her to generally be a terrible person, with a low IQ, who taught me nothing my entire life, and did nothing with her own life.  

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