Post # 1
I’m curious if any other bees here are currently ‘waiting’ on a person who was already engaged once (or twice, or however many times). My SO was engaged five years ago. Obviously, it didn’t work out for them, but I sometimes wonder if that’s part of the reason why he holds off on proposing. I can’t imagine how painful it must be to offer to share your life with someone and then have that relationship fall apart. It hurts me to think of him going through that kind of pain. And since it ended badly for him once, I wonder if he worries that the same thing will happen this time.
Bees, are any of you dating someone who was previously engaged? Or have you been engaged before? What are your thoughts on the situation?
Post # 3
Yes, he was engaged before. He has a kid with her too! We’re married now but sometimes I do get upset when I can tell he’s projecting his problems from his past relationship with her onto our current relationship. I guess the ex’s mother didn’t like him and really pushed her daughter to break off the engagement, and now he has major trust issues with my parents. He’s working on it.
Post # 4
Yes he was engaged to his previous girlfriend. He proposed to her because their relationship was already falling apart at this point, and he saw proposing as a ‘last resort’ to try to fix their problems. It didn’t work, and they split up six months later without having done any wedding planning.
I think the fact that he was engaged before has something to do with his delay in proposing to me, but not in a bad way: He proposed for all the wrong reasons the last time, at a time in his life when he wasn’t really ready to settle down and get married. I think he wants to do it “the right way” this time around.
Post # 5
My FI’s last girlfriend actually proposed to him, so yes he was engaged before but the relationship ended very badly with alcoholism and a miscarriage that she never told him about. They were way too young as well. I am his first relationship after that one, which was 15 years ago! :O
Post # 6
Yes. When he was in his teens he proposed to his girlfriend at the time, who was a lying, cheating chav, and she’s getting married (to someone else) a couple of months after us.
I have to say I really dislike the girl. She has no real understanding of boundaries and actually recently asked him on Facebook chat for a photo of a nipple… a NIPPLE! I took over his laptop and gave her hell.
She even asked us if we’d do the photobooth at her wedding for free as though it were a great honour to be asked to do it (we said no as we have a PAID gig that night, but I would have said no anyway). Chancer!
Post # 7
Yes, I’ve been with my SO for about 2 years. He had a gf when he was late teens and they had a up and down relationship but they were engaged. He tells me that the engagement wasn’t one that was a surprise, it was more or less a “hey lets get engaged” I don’t even know if his dad knew about it..
I did throw it in his face early on but realized I was being jealous and the first engagement wasn’t something he thought about and planned it was just because they were together for awhile.
I am waiting and have to wait even longer because of some things that have recently changed, but I’m sure the minute he pops the question it will all be worth it!
Post # 8
My SO was engaged about 8 years ago…she ended it before they were married. I am SOOOO happy that she did! He is the love of my life!
Post # 9
My SO was engaged 10 years ago. They had been dating for a while and she pushed and pushed until he finally gave in. That was one of the things he told me about first thing in our dating: please don’t push him. He hated that she did it, but as it was the “next step” anyway, he went with it. Then he said that planning the wedding took over their relationship and things went bad and they couldn’t fix it so they called off the engagement.
I told him once that I thought he was dragging his feet with me because he was worried about it turning into what happened with her. His response was “Never compare yourself to her again. You are nothing like her and our relationship is nothing like it was with her. I WANT to marry you.”
That made me feel much better 🙂
Post # 10
Yep. In fact, we BOTH were engaged before and were married before. We both agree our previous rotten relationships helped us determine what to look for in our next choice in partners (aka each other).
We both have issues from our previous relationships, but I can’t say we really treat each other like our ex’s. Mostly because he’s the polar opposite of my ex-husband and I’m the polar opposite of his ex-wife. When it does happen, we call each other on it.
Post # 11
yeah SO was engaged previously. she ended up cheating on him while he was paying for her to go through college at a major university. they lived together and had a house and 2 cars together that she got when they split and she also destroyed/pawned all of his stuff before he had a chance to get the things (all of his stuff was gone within 3 days). he found her with 2 other guys in their bed about a month before the wedding. i think this may be a reason he has put of proposing. i think he may have some residual commitment issues from that relationship blowing up in his face.
Post # 12
No, he had a g/f who was really serious though. Glad it didn’t work out for them! 😉
Post # 13
He has never been engaged before. I was married before, divorced, and was engaged to someone else 6 years ago. I am very, very glad I did not go through with that marriage, because I know it was just asking for misery. Plus, I would never have met my Fiance, and he is the true love of my life.
Post # 14
Yes, my Boyfriend or Best Friend was engaged to someone while he was in college, and it didn’t work out. She ended up moving to California from Chicago and he refused to follow her, so they broke it off. However, he is a very self-confident person, and is not afraid of the concept of marriage at all just because of bad past experiences.
Having said that, most people would proceed very cautiously after having failed at a committed relationship in the past. Just be patient with him. NOT talking about getting engaged will make him feel comfortable in your relationship, hopefully to the point of considering trying an engagement with you. Just reassure him by being consistent and stable.
Post # 15
We were BOTH engaged and our engagements ended around the same time. We met about two months after our engagements ended.
It was painful for him as she cheated on him a few months before the wedding and it certainly made him a bit “gun shy” when it came to marriage the second time around. As for me I knew it wasn’t going to work and I ended my previous engagement and I wasn’t too hurt by it all, it was just a huge mistake in the making.
It doesn’t bother either of us really as we clearly with the right person now.
Post # 16
I’m not waiting, but my FH was engaged twice before.
The first time was right out of high school and her mom was pressuring him and making him feel guilty that her daughter cheated on him (twice). He finally got the courage to break it off.
The second time was actually last year because his ex was pressuring him and he thought that woudl fix their relationship. Obviously that didn’t work..
It bothered me a lot when we first got engaged, but then we talked about it and I learned the reasons about why he did it. His father cheated in all of his marriages (and on FH’s mom), and basically left all of the women and kids high and dry. FH didn’t want to be like that, so he thought proving that he could get married was the best solution.
Just talk to your SO about it and hear their reasons on why they did it and why it ended. It may actually help you feel better.