Post # 1
My Fiance and I will be married in less than 8 months. He had just started a new job in October and was so so about it. I told him to give it 6 months because he really needs to understand it. This is not his first job out of college. In his first job out of college, he did great, he even has the awards to back him up so I know he is a good worker. Sadly, that was a commission based job and as the economy went down, so didn’t his commission. This caused him a lot of stress, especially in his stomach. This went on for about a year and a half.
Well at the end of this summer he found a great salary based job that he was excited to start. His stomach problems began to go away as he was learning the ropes at this new place. He was also so-so about his boss. He has been telling me that his boss is trying to leave him out of the loop on important things and such (trying to make him look stupid and more). From what I gather, it is a corporatly corrupt place. He can’t really complain to HR because he hasn’t been there long enough.I’m afraid that we are going backwards here. The stress he had at his previous job caused him major stomach pains and mental exhaustion. I’m really afraid of him going down that path again. I told him he needs to start looking again for another job. With the wedding comming up and looking for a house, the last thing he wants to do is start the job hunt again.We couldn’t really survive on my salary. It would be really tight.
I’m curious to know if other bees had to go through this with their SOs, DHs, FIs?Would you share your story?
Post # 3
J has been laid on and off ever since we started dating. He hasn’t had a consistent job for over a year now and it’s becoming an issue. Unfortunately, there’s not much that he can do. He’s going to school for plumbing and one of the requirements is that he works for the same plumbing business the during the four years he’s in school. Easier said than done. He was recently laid off because his boss is being sued. Well, his boss never paid the fees and the accounts were seized and frozen. J was laid off and not paid for the weeks that he did work. So, that was a huge loss right there. Then his boss didn’t send in any unemployment paperwork for about two weeks. It took forever for us to get it. So many problems. Never a solution. Now he’s gotten word that his boss is most likely going to close the doors.
He continues to look for a new job, but no one is worth working for. They all under-pay him, treat him like absolute shit, and lay him off constantly. It’s a shame. He’s such a good worker with amazing work ethics. Very smart and driven. He makes mistakes here and there, but it’s because no one is giving him the chance to do and learn hands on. He finally got some hands on experience, but not enough.
The problem is now that he’s going to have to school for an extra year because he’s laid off and won’t be able to go back to the job he was recently laid off at. He’s re-considering his career, but figures nothing else these days is going to be worth it anyways. I have NO idea what he’s going to do, when he’s going to find work, and how this will all work out. I just hope for the best.
Luckily, I just found a job. It’s only part time for now, but I can pick up hours, and will most likely get full-time with benefits. If not, I plan on working two jobs.
So, I completely understand what you mean about going backwards. In November, we got the best news ever that led to him proposing on Christmas Eve (still surprised!). His bills were going to be paid off by his parents, we were going to get our apartment, and things would slowly but surely work out as time went on. Unfortunately, as soon as this month hit, everything went downhill as you can see.
I wish you two the best of luck and hope you can get back on track now. I’m sorry for the long post, but it was definitely a vent that I needed to get out.
Post # 4
He hasn’t, but I have. I was working at a non profit agency that was laying everybody (but me) off. And since they were getting laid off, I was doing the job of 4 people. It got to be way too much, I didn’t have nearly enough time to do my job, and it was effecting my clients. I felt awful for them, but I didn’t have time to help them. This was about 6 months before our wedding, and my husband told me that I should quit. He said my health was more important, and we could survive on his paycheck. I get really bad migraines and it was really effecting my health. Also it got to the point where I would cry all the time. First I just cried to and from work, and then I started crying AT work. I’d sit in my office, close the door, and bawl. I thought I’d try to stick it out, but one day I just had a really bad day and said screw it, I’m quitting. One of the smartest decisions I ever made!
Post # 5
I got a new job awhile back–i was coming home crying and i was upset because i hated it so much. I talked to my enrolled manager about it and they worked on moving me to a new team. It’s a lot better now. Your SO should look for a new job, definitely. For me, I couldn’t quit–we wouldn’t have been able to pay our bills otherwise. But just the act of DOING something about it is empowering. My husband really hated working at Target, but quitting wasn’t feasible either. If you can’t make it on one salary (plus, you need healthcare!) then doing something is his best bet. He may not want to job hunt, but unless he does, he’s not going anywhere. And feeling stuck is the worst situation ever. Life is stressful but there are ways to navigate it. I find that when i take matters into my own hands it works out okay 🙂
Post # 6
Darling Husband lost his job 4 months before we got married. I remember thinking that we were already going through so much stress that I couldn’t believe another thing was being added to the pile. It was so rough. At times I didn’t think we would make it. He was depressed and not helping do anything. So not only was I paying for the wedding, but I was the only working, the only one cleaning, the only one doing everything for us. It was awful. However, he got a job abot 3 weeks before the wedding and it turned everything back to normal. Thank goodness! I can imagine how stressed you feel. I hope this all works out for you and Fiance.
Post # 7
@DesireeAnne: I’m sorry about your FI’s situation. I don’t know a lot about being a plumber but my FI’s older brother attempted to be a plumber a long time ago. Fiance told me that his brother couldn’t find anyone who would take him as an apprentice so it didn’t work out for him. I never knew it was so hard to get into because as we know, plumbers do VERY well. I’m sure if he hangs in there it will be worth it in the end.
@artbee: I’m sorry about your job, even though it was best that you left. You don’t ever want it to get to that point.My FI’s health wasn’t so great this past summer, it really took a lot for me to hold it together. We had to cancel last minute on many social occasions because of the way he felt. I felt bad for him but I was also frustrated at the same time. I don’t want to go back to that again. My Fiance is your typical ALPHA Male, he wants to be the one working and making the money in hopes that one day I can stay home when we have children. So for him to go through this is really hurting him mentally. I just wish I could fix it.
Post # 8
@SoontobeMsL: Apparently no one likes apprentices. >.< The competition to become a plumber is very high. New Jersey is making it tougher to get a license in plumbing because of how many there are out there. I know that if he does stick it out, we will live a comfortable life.
J is like your Fiance. Alpha male. He constantly apologizes because he can’t do much for me. He told me the other day he wishes he could just go out and buy me clothes that I could use for my new job. He hates the fact that when he was with ex of 5 years, he was always able to spend money on her and they’d have a date night every weekend. I told him that at least this has proven that I love him and I don’t care about the money.
I do admit that it’s very frustrating. I get bored and wish there were times we could just go out and not worry about spending money. But the time will come sooner or later.
Post # 11
if you can’t survive on your salary alone, he probably shouldn’t quit until he has something lined up. encourage him to get on the job search like he would if he didn’t have a job…send out 20 resumes a day, every day, etc.
i really think it would be worse if he was unemployed. the stress is so much greater when you don’t have enough money and no idea when money might start coming in. fi was extremely depressed when he was unemployed, and the stress on our relationship was HIGH.
Post # 12
@kitzy: I agree that the stress is a lot worse when unemployed. I second sending out resumes and finding a job before he quits. Most employers are more likely to hire you while employed than unemployed.
Post # 13
@SoontobeMsL: Best of luck to you. I hope things work out sooner rather than later for your SO, and by extension, for you.
My partner and I used to take turns working FT. We didn’t exactly plan it that way, but that was sort of how it worked out. It was nice because one of us worked PT and was around to take care of domestic thing, and there was enough money to keep the ship afloat although not lavishly.
During a phase of me working PT and him working FT, he was at start-up that was imploding. It was such a demoralizing, unhappy situation every day. I felt like I never saw him because even when he was home his head was at work, and not in the good way.
When the company collapse, they offered the remaining few employees the option of buying the furniture, computers, etc. if they wanted. Since his stuff was the only stuff still working, he and a coworker offered to buy the intellectual property and the remaining client. The company owners went for it, and he was able to work at home for himself. Life has been professional bliss since then. Things can turn around!
Post # 14
@kitzy: Thanks, he will not quit because his pay is consistant, which is probably what is keeping him from REALLY stressing out. He is going to stick through all the sneakiness, the belittling and the bipolar behavior he gets from his boss ’till something new pops up.
Post # 15
I feel his pain. I got laid off 5 months before our weding and having been trying out jobs ever since then. I really want to get back into teaching and am doing another full-time job until I can find a teaching job.
Post # 16
Fiance has been wanting to leave his job for a year now..he just hasn’t because he couldn’t find a job. I feel bad for him because he really hates going into work. The company is struggling and no one seems to do anything to change it. He’s actively looking, but I know he’s frustrated with the lack of opportunities coming his way. We can survive on my income..but he really prefer having something else first.