Post # 1
What did you do?
Recently, for about 9 mos, my skin has been a DISASTER. I don’t know what is going on. I think it might be stress, but my previously clear chin is covered in deep red cystic acne. It looks AWFUL. I’ve tried everything to get this stuff under control. Most recently, I switched my face cream and it made me break out in small zits over my cheeks where my skin was previously clear. I discontinued use, but its still healing. I’m completely self concious about the situation and the SO knows this.
Anywhoodles, my SO came into the bathroom last night while I was exfoliating, took one look at my skin, and literally said, “Ughhhhhh, your skin looks god awful!” I turned around, screamed “I KNOW” and started screaming at him about being insensative. I finished my tirade by stating, I haven’t said one damn thing about your beer belly you’ve been growing for the last 2 years but you have one. You should do something about that, so don’t dish it if you can’t take it.
Apparently, he was quite miffed I called him fat. The next day, he was like fine, sorry, I learned my lesson, you are scary. However, he insisted most women would be totally fine with him making personal comments about their skin/figure/etc. I asked him how he is still alive at the age of 30 if he’s been running around making personal comments about ladies.
So would you be miffed? Woud you claw off his face? How would you react if your SO told you you were fat, smelly, had bad skin, etc?
Post # 3
Yeah, but never about anything major – I assume if he’s telling me something, it’s for my own good.
Like most recently, I tried some self tanner, because of my reddish undertones, it turned me orange. He made alot of comments about it, and then I scrubbed it off. Learned my lessen!
I knew it looked horrible, so I didn’t take offense.
Post # 4
Never. When I feel down about my looks or, like you, something changes about my appearance all of a sudden. My honey will say “You are beautiful and sexy”
If he were to be mean? Yes, I’d be angry. Support does not include insults or something like “Your skin looks god awful!” I’m sorry he said that to you.
Post # 5
@jenilynevette: But she can’t scrub off her acne. It’s not the same thing as your example.
Post # 6
Oh i would be pissed. not because he made the comment but because of how he worded it. His reaction was just un called for. There is a better way to say this by showing concern and not acting grossed out. So immature
Post # 7
Wow, I am so sorry he did that. My skin has also gotten worse as I have gotten older, and I am extremely self conscious of it! My husband always makes a big deal when I complain about it that he can’t see anything and that it’s much worse in my mind than in reality. (He’s a great liar) I don’t have the greatest self esteem, so my feelings would have been totally hurt if he said that to me.
I bet the belly comment hurt him because he might think of your skin as more of an easy fix than it would be for him to lose weight.
PS. Are you a lawyer? My skin started to get bad while I was in law school!
Post # 8
@lawyerchick13: If my skin looked bad, then why would it hurt my feelings if he told me it looked bad? Personally, I would laugh and not care. Would I be upset if he told me I was fat? Absolutely. Your words were much worse & immature than his.
Post # 9
Fiance has made a comment when I’ve had a big zit or something, but not in an insulting way (or he didn’t mean it to be..) and I did lay into him. We were at my cousin’s engagement party and I had one deep, hurtful pimple. I’d gotten a new dress and my hair and makeup was all done, and he said something stupid like “Oh that one looks like it hurts” or something…and I just told him that I don’t need him to address imperfections, I need him to realize I bought a new dress, did my hair and makeup, and that pointing out a blemish does not make me like him. Sometimes guys are just dumb. Otherwise, he hasn’t ever said anything about me in a negative way..sometimes I’ll get “You look really tired, try to get to bed early” but it’s not coming from a nasty place.
Post # 10
@lawyerchick13: I get really bad skin outbreaks too when I eat too much chocolate or really stressed, but my SO never brings it up and only talks to me about it when I bring it up conversation and is supportive in his responses. Maybe he was just trying to be supportive in a really backwards way, but I think like most ladies because you’re already self conscience, you’re also over sensitive about it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
My Fiance is usually wonderful and really uplifting, he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl alive everyday and tells me I am gorgeous everyday so hes a wonderful man and I love him dearly for it.
However there was one time he thought it would be a good idea to tell me I was putting on weight by picking me up and dropping me on the bed so I could see how heavy I got. Sometimes men do not have tact and the poor thing felt terrible once he realised hed hurt my feelings.
If yours is anything like mine he really didnt mean it and being bitchy towards him is not nice at all cos you did mean to be mean. Its all about the intention in my opinion.
Post # 12
This really depends on the tone of the relationship between you two. Fiance and I tease each other all the time, but he also sometimes says things like “you’re arse has got huge lately!”. In his case, however, I think it’s just a statement of fact and he feels comfortable enough with me to say whatever is on his mind. Which is cool. Not to say that I don’t sometimes get cross, but…
So… it’s really hard to advise others when stuff like this happens, because it depends so much on you two!
Post # 13
I think it can be situational. If it is done in spite or out of anger (during a disagreement and has no relevence to the arguement) then yes definately not ok.
If you have been mentioning it or if it might be something that embarrasses you or affects your day/health then I think it is ok. If i had chronic bad breath or BO then I would definately want to know about it.
A skin condition though I think is a dicey situation because the sufferer would probably be aware of it so mentioning it might be a little insensitive but it was probably not meant to be.
Post # 14
@lawyerchick13: I would be miffed. Fiance has a habit of pointing out every single zit I get and telling me my skin doesn’t look very good. I lay into him every time because every zit bothers me and I’m always very much aware of it. I agree with PPs that men sometimes just have no tact and don’t think about what they say. It’s super frustrating because Fiance still breaks out as well and I would NEVER say anything about it.
Post # 15
Even when I gained a ton of weight after our wedding (stress, anyone?), my Darling Husband did not say anything negative. Instead, he spoke of his own health and weight and wanting to be healthier. I’m sure it was, in part, as a way to encourage me. (Thankfully, together, we have shed a total of about 65 pounds in the last year, so we’re both healthier and happier.)
I think the fact that my Darling Husband was married before for more than 20 years and has two daughters has ensured that he knows better than to EVER make a derogatory comment to a woman about her appearance! Haha. 🙂
Post # 16
Darling Husband made a quip about my weight a few years ago. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but it was something to the effect of, “I miss you at your pre-baby weight.” I don’t think he realized exactly what he said until he said it, though… because as soon as it came out, he apologized. I took it with a grain of salt, because he’s gained quite an amount of weight in the last 10 years, as well.