Hate myself in my guests wedding photos

posted 4 days ago in Wedding Related
Post # 2
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Can I be totally hionest with you?

 

I bet you looked gorgeous.  You were happy and in love, and I’m pretty sure that’s all anyone with a less critical eye would see.  Now that I’m in my 40s and have been through a pregnancy, I really regret the amount of time I spent hating images of myself in my teens, twenties and thirties.  I always thought my hair was too frizzy or my ass was too big or my legs were too short or whatever.  And now I look at those pictures and I think that I was so beautiful, and I just didn’t let myself appreciate it.

 

Please try to be kind to yourself.  I promise you, I’ve never seen an ugly bride.  Size 2 or size 32, they always glow from within.  Let yourself believe that.

Post # 3
Member
10631 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
@twoyearswaittobemrsm:  

 There is absolutely nothing you can do about those photos except maybe ask  people to choose the ones you think are the best for dissemination. . As pp says, undoubtedly you did not look as bad as you think, but it is so hard to believe that , l know. 

Nothing to be done dear OP, so do try not to obsess over it. We have seen people on these boards going on about imagined flaws in the way they looked two years later. Don’t be one of them. Just accept that some photos taken on your wonderful wedding day don’t show you at your best. That’s all. 

Post # 4
Member
13773 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Candid, amateur photos are never the best. I have no doubt that you’re being way too hard on yourself but if it makes you feel better you can always ask people not to post anything. Personally, I think it’s rude to post photos of soneone else’s wedding photos without express permission, especially of a reception to which other people were not invited. 

Even with pro photos, you aren’t going to love all of them. That’s why you get to pick, choose, crop and sometimes retouch. 

Post # 5
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

You said it yourself… you’re smiling in those photos! Nobody is ugly when they’re smiling, especially not a bride on her wedding day. You can look at those photos and see a happy, joyful, and loved woman, not a woman who’s too busy worrying about the posture of her arms and whether or not she’s sucking in her tummy. Congratulations on your marriage 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee

For a start, the pro shots will look WAY better – I usually hate every single picture I see of myself (and also hated the guest shots taken at my wedding) but I really liked a lot of our professional photographer’s photos.

Also, I think you are probably being way too critical anyway – I bet those shots don’t look as bad as you think they do.  You will have been radiating joy and happiness, and that is going to outshine any awkward stance or angle.

If you really don’t want photos of yourself published online, it’s fine to say so.  But if it’s just that you think they’re not great pictures – I’d let it go.  Embrace the fact that they show a happy bride on her wedding day, and know that you look beautiful to others even if you can’t (yet) see that beauty yourself.  This really is one time when you need to trust the judgement of your loved ones over your own.

(And if that’s you in your profile pic…you SERIOUSLY have nothing to worry about!)

Post # 7
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

My mum and I were going through her wedding album and she looked so happy looking at the pictures, but she shared with me that at the time she was so self conscious and critical that she hated all her photos from her wedding. It took a long time for her to be able to look at them and realise she looked gorgeous and so unbelievably happy.

Post # 8
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Bee, we are always our own worst critic. We tell everyone else that they look beautiful but we can’t do that for ourselves. Most of us are guilty of this myself included. In your post you said you were smiling so much ! Isn’t that wonderful that you were happy and smiling on your wedding say ! That’s what you’re supposed to be ! Not uncomfortable or “sucking it in” etc ! Honestly no one who took those pictures will have the same critique of you that you do. I’m sure you look beautiful and you’ll feel different once you see the professional shots ! Congrats on your marriage ! 

Post # 9
Member
6477 posts
Bee Keeper

We in general are so awful to ourselves.  I bet you looked happy glowing and gorgeous.

I’m the same way though and I hate photographs of myself.  But please please keep the pictures.  I can’t tell you how great it is years later to have those guest photos.  And you’ll look at yourself and see the beauty later.  I look back at the photos I hated without a critical eye and you know what I looked good! 

I also wanted to note that I thought it was courtesy to ask before posting others’wedding photos. That or wait until they post theirs first.  I do this because usually I know they’ve spent thousands on the photography and I think it’s nice to let those that hosted our to make the first posts. That could just be my thing though.  

Post # 10
Member
4706 posts
Honey bee

I am sure your pro shots will be beautiful. And I doubt anyone will post their photos weeks after the wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
1563 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2022 - Studio City , CA

View original reply
@twoyearswaittobemrsm:  Oh Dear Diva why are you so hard on yourself?  There is a relationship between how we feel and how we see ourselves.  If you are depressed then your filter of yourself will be depressed. But chances are you were probably magnificent and lovely!

Post # 12
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee

“From my dress hair make up. Not sucking in not being conscious of my arms being close to my body. Smiling too much so my chins are massive and I’m all scrunched up”

Bee, this is a description of the happiest person having an amazing time on their wedding day. Seeing a bride too anxious too move her arms or smile more than strictly necessary sounds like the saddest thing in the world. Please be kind to yourself. Your happiness is worth more than hating yourself so much. 

Post # 13
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee

PS:  Recently, I found some photos of me taken 20 years ago.  At the time, I remember hating them – I thought I looked really ugly.  Now, I can see I look pretty good in them.  But 20 years on, I don’t look like that any more.

So when I see recent photos of myself that I don’t like, I’m trying to remind myself of that.  I don’t want to wait another 20 years to be able to like the way I look now, because by then, I will look different again!

Post # 14
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

Honey, everyone is saying slightly different versions of the same thing, and every one of them is right – and life is WAY too short to worry about this!  Your new husband loves you just the way you are, and you should too!  I guarantee that every person who took those pictures is not thinking that you look ugly in them!  You totally need to just let this go and enjoy that newlywed glow.  Love, love, love.  🙂

Post # 15
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

You are probably being too critical! 

I felt beautiful on my wedding day and then I saw the pictures and I thought oh my goodness how could anybody let me walk out like that, why didn’t anyone tell me how bad I looked? I wanted to cry. I hated all of the pictures.  

A few months later I looked at the photos again and I actually like some of them. Even thought I looked beautiful in a few.

I think time helps give us perspective. You might find yourself liking some of the pictures in a few months. Big hugs!

 

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